O-PCE

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age: 21

Weight: 125 lbs

Dosage: 30 mg Intranasal

Setting: My apartment

T0:00-Insufflated, completely painless and without irritation or discomfort, like snorting a cloud.

T0:05-Onset. I am feeling pretty dizzy. It is beginning to thunderstorm outside. I step into my backyard and stand in the rain wearing only boxers and a raincoat. The cold raindrops clatter off of my steely body and thunder shatters the sky.

T0:15-The storm rages on, wind sweeps through in great glassy punches. The raindrops seem to fall in slow motion, or leave tracers, coming down as vitreous lasers that drill into the ground. The rain trickles down the air. The water pools in my backyard, touching my feet with a cool sensation that pulses and climbs up my nerves. I begin to feel very heavy, every step I take is slower, heavier, done with more effort. I am vibrating into numbness, not warm or cold just neutral grey numbing warmth. I get that feeling of weight in my skull that I typically get from dissociatives. I feel hyper focused whenever I look at something, though that quickly fizzles away to just a stoned spaciness.

T0:20-Feels smooth now, not really feeling like I am buzzing or vibrating anymore. Or perhaps I am buzzing at such a high frequency that it feels smooth. This is such raw and blank dissociation, it feels so utterly cold and neutral. The weight in my head sinks into itself, it feels like some insect in my head made of lead curling up for safety. The world become vitreous and gelly, the medium of air has been replaced with crystal clear gelatin, my limbs being a thicker jelly navigating this world in slow motion. Even time has become tangled in this gel, the world slowing around me.

T0:30-This drug has very quick action. I can’t believe it’s only been half an hour and I am this altered. I have no body, only an estimation of what space I may occupy, and this space is being compressed on all sides by Styrofoam. The dissociation is pure, icy, and monolithically neutral. It begins to become hard to keep track of my thoughts, and my short term memory begins to falter.

T0:35-Been thinking deeply about my memories, I have been cast far out of my sober space. I feel as though I am experiencing my memories in the third person. Moving has a distinct sloppiness and floppiness reminiscent of DXM.

T0:40-I am dizzy and cannot sit still. I am sweaty, but not particularly warm or cold. The world has been reduced to plateaus, my vision is flashing and everything looks flat. I have double vision and cannot easily read. I close my eyes and sink into CEV’s, which appear very liney and blocky.

T0:50-I fall into holes of focus on mundane things, like the facebook notification sound. I find a clip of the sound (and older notification sounds from fb) and play it again and again, wrapping the fullness of my thoughts around it, covering it in a webby mycelium that pulls from it all associated knowledge and memories. The air appears dry, shaky, and crystal clear, not composed of gasses, glass, or anything, just sheer and unrelenting stale emptiness.

T1:00-Everything is so flat I am so flat. I am thinking a lot about other people now, viewing them from every angle hyperanalytically like with the sound clip before. My mind has become a grey gelly tentacle creature with a great glassy eye, grabbing thoughts and memories and gazing real close as it turns them over in its hands, viewing them from every angle. The entire world stretches into a grim grey pallid smile, an eternal dry grin, the world is bones and crags, smoothness jaggedness and sterility. My mind is smeared blank, my thoughts begin to wander aimlessly. Why do I like music? What makes it appealing? This feels like MXE if everything was sinking and everything was a dead moth. This is pure ivory stasis and I am being smeared across it. I begin to think about the future and every vision is bleak and apocalyptic and ominous.

(notes begin to get more and more incoherent)

T1:10-I begin getting visions of a great flat pixelated world, faces floating above me, a blocky desert all around me. Memories come back to tell me about how weird they are. I feel like a million bubbles lifting upwards. The sun has appeared in all of its glory and fury and my room burns with its incredible sterilizing light. I am so dissociated that even getting up is a baffling ordeal. My hands look like they have been crawling through a distant desert, like little scuttling creatures. Everything is glistening and glowy but in a sterile blistering way, I feel like I am being sucked down some great drain, but I am not large enough to fit. Reality has become meaningless to me and everything sounds like it is coming through a fan. I am so incredibly altered.

T1:20-I feel like a bug. Certain drugs are very buggy to me, like this, 4-HO-MiPT, and Ketamine. The visuals, the sky, everything is insects, a mechanical-biological world of strange creaking clicking creatures. It’s all so mechanical and lifeless. I listen to mechanical buzzy lifeless music that seems to resonate perfectly with my head. I am not blessed by the landscapes and vistas and color and rush and sense of adventure with some of my favorite dissociatives like MXE. Rather, I am just sunk into this endless glassy grey quagmire of flat pallid nothing. Eventually the world begins to be consumed by a ringing static. All of these aforementioned qualities begin to fade to this buzzing shifting static, a static that consumes, that spreads like a virus. It is a sea, and the grains of sand on the beach, and the turbulent wash of all of those things together.

T1:30- I feel like I am completely and entirely mechanical. To this end I spend the next 20 minutes or so holding down keys on my keyboard to make a big ASCII pictures of absolutely nothing. (see pastebin link). I still feel gelly, I still feel sunk, I still feel awash in abrading and grinding static. My laptop screen caves in away from me. It’s the blankest and most neutral trance imaginable.

T3:00- I forget how I passed the time for the past few hours. I still feel like I am going just as hard as before, this is a unrelenting long lasting dissociative, hammering my mind like sheets of rain and hurricane winds. My mind feels so raw and bare, like it has been eroded by winds, and its hollowed depths now host only the howling winds. I feel like a rock in the desert, blasted into a bleak white by sand, sun and winds every moment of every day. It is like the air is screaming. I am so spun out, this is certainly not a functional dissociative.

T4:00- Visit a friend briefly. Interaction is manageable at this point, although it was unthinkable before. Being outside is strange and I still feel very altered.

T5:00- Mostly down by now. Go to sleep an hour later.

Conclusion: This is a spooky substance. It is one of the blankest and most neutral feeling dissociatives I have ever taken. It robs me entirely of emotions, it is neither euphoric nor dysphoric just incredibly blank and grey. It has a heavy sinking feeling, it lacks the rush of MXE, MXM, 3-MeO-PCE or 3-MeO-PCP, rather it is just a sense of sinking into myself, sinking into whatever surface I’m on, just total sedation of my limbs to the point where they feel numb and fatigued. The sheer coldness of it almost feels sinister. Not my favorite dissociative I’ve taken, but an interesting one to explore. 

4-HO-DPT

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age: 21

Weight: 125 lbs

Dosage: 75 mg insufflated

Setting: My apartment

T0:00-Powder insufflated. This was one of the most unpleasant drug administration experiences I have ever had. The powder smells acrid, like something rotten. It is also incredibly fine and chalky. The act of insufflating it disturbed it enough to fluff it into big dust clouds in my throat and sinuses. The dust clouds bear that same acrid smell, and sting anywhere they touch. The main bit of powder has clumped up into an extremely unpleasant and decently painful mess. My throat is sore and the flavor and unrelenting presence of the clouds of powder trigger nausea instantly.

T0:06-Already feel the onset. Textures around me begin to wave and pulse, and physically I begin to feel very light. I begin to get some drip and it is incredibly nasty. The nausea doesn’t feel psychosomatic like with most psychedelics, just my body’s reaction to the gross powder.

T0:12-I am beginning to shake. I don’t necessarily feel stimulated and tweaky, I just feel like shaking my limbs. There is none of that uncomfortable restlessness, just a strange and very neutral sensation of wanting to be in motion. This powder though, it’s just sunken into my face, rotted into my face, it infects the air I breathe and makes everything foul. I cannot wait until it is absorbed into my body and I don’t need to feel or taste it anymore.

T0:15-The visuals which up to this point consisted of some colorful auras and drifting and warping textures begin to really truly take form. It is like some world is assembling itself before me, a mystical and esoteric world that has been hiding in the shadows until this very moment, that is now excited to finally reveal itself to me. The patterns that start to form are incredibly intricate, like a carefully organized tracery of vines, all of their thousands of minute leaves carefully interlocking and tangling in the most beautiful organized way. My entrance into this world feels like I am being met with open arms, it is welcoming and accommodating. The air is vibrating around me, and the walls are feeding on themselves and collapsing inwards. The fabric of reality has folded into a trillion folds, each fold its own unique species in this brand new ecosystem, the facets of existence interacting and feeding on one another in a beautiful trophic harmony. This is all fine and dandy, but physically I feel fucking awful. I am sick to my stomach, I am so nauseous and my stomach and abdomen are cramping with an incredibly uncomfortable pain. Not even intense pain, just an acute discomfort. I am shaking and achey, and that god awful taste/smell is still in my mouth and throat.

T0:30-This is so intense, there is just so much happening around me. Everything around me feels like creatures, not in the traditional sense of a living breathing being, but some odd autonomous sentience. It’s as if reality has synthetically formed itself into tiny subdivsions, each of which has become some odd being that seems to be imitating the human perception of a lifeform. The world is just a great big amalgam of these creatures. I still feel so very sick. I almost throw up, but not quite. I am clutching my trash can for dear life. This sucks but is so cool at the same time. In my notes I wrote “I feel like a palace trapped within itself”. I’m not sure entirely what the literal meaning of that was, or what stimulus triggered that response, but honestly I feel like it describes the state pretty well.

T0:45-The best descriptor I could give the visuals at this point is resplendent, like the most beautiful glistening feathers of the most beautiful bird, blowing in the wind, or perhaps interlocking and unfolding as this great phoenix unfurls its iridescent wings. It surrounds me, it encompasses me and parades as a cascade of feathers around me. The headspace has breached a wall and become strange and alien now. It is like all those odd autonomies entities around me have evolved into a grand sentience woven from the twisted fabric of reality, some sort of overmind or undermind hiding and playing in the shadows of our reality. It had used this trip as a chance to manifest in my reality, but it could not simply spontaneously manifest, it had to lay out the pieces and wait for them to evolve and grow into its final form. And at last the incredibly intricate lacework of its veins and nerves, each borne from their own autonomous beings, had formed into a collective being. That was about as far as it could go. Communication was nil. The best way I could describe the feeling was that something was trying to take me somewhere, but I was not entirely sure what, where, or why. It had put so much effort into forming itself into this world, only to fail at the threshold, finding me completely alien and incommunicable. I wonder if a higher dose would connect me to this underlying consciousness somehow? Also I still felt disgusting and terrible, cramps and aches all over my body and all up and down my stomach and abdomen. At least that awful taste was gone now.

T0:51-I am seeing faces in everything, it’s pareidolia that reminds me of my first few psychedelic experiences, where that was probably the most notable visual aspect. I’m not even entirely sure if I am literally seeing faces however. It’s just this feeling of being watched, or perhaps of my surroundings being represented as some expressive formation, a series of forms that portrays an emotion or action or thought based on sequential changes in their formation. Whatever it is, its surrounding me, staring at me blankly, not even staring at me but staring through me.

T1:00-Bodyload still raging. Bleh. I try drawing, but it looks just okay. Sometimes, with psychedelics, I have a really amplified sense of aesthetics, everything is instilled with a certain artistic harmony and an augmented sense of balance and composition. LSD does this a lot. No such luck with this compound however. The edge of its intensity has come off a little, although I am still tripping very hard and feeling some pretty rockin’ visuals.

T1:30-I would say I started coming down about here. And this is what I was seeking…. The headspace on the comedown is incredible, I feel an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and begin reading feverishly about tarantulas, wanting to learn everything I can about them, mostly to properly appreciate the new pet I acquired recently. My mind feels substantially more functional then normal, conversation flows extra smooth, this is one of my favorite part of psychedelics. The bodyload hasn’t entire subsided but is milder and more manageable now.

T5:00-Mostly back to baseline by now.

T7:00-Fall asleep easily.

Conclusion: 4-HO-DPT like its cousin DPT is an incredibly deep, strange, alien, and biomorphic psychedelic that seems like it has a lot to offer, high doses seem to show the potential for some really interesting entity contact, or perhaps this is best done through combining it with other substances. The major obstacle is the absolutely horrendous ROA and the crippling bodyload. The bodyload is substantially worse than DPT, with awful abdominal aches and cramps and nausea that lasts almost through the entire trip. When the pain finally subsided I felt like I had been dredged and left raw and bare in my pain. Administering it is another hellish ordeal. I have never taken a drug that was so unpleasant to administer. Maybe it’s just this batch but the powder smells and tastes awful, and its so floury that it gets everywhere, and stings whatever it touches. I couldn’t imagine trying to stuff 100 mg or more of this stuff into my face. I tried it orally at 125 mg and felt literally nothing, meaning that if I want to do anything fun with this I’m going to have to snort it. Easily one of the most unpleasant things I’ve snorted, just after MXP.

I had super high expectations for this drug, calling it my holy grail. Psychologically/sensorily it was a very rewarding and interesting experience, but it was hampered by the awful bodyload, which seems like it would also put a cap on further exploration, as it would only increase with dosage. This is a shame, I was really excited to explore this compound and this little taste of it has me even more interested, but I am very put off by the pain and discomfort it also induced. 

Diphenidine

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age: 21

Weight: 125 lbs

Dosage: 125 mg oral in gel cap

Setting: My apartment, around the city

T0:00-Dose taken in gel cap

T0:40-Feeling chills

T0:50-Definitely feel the onset now. A very pleasant warm buzzing feeling creeping up and down my being.

T1:00-That feeling of dissociative weight sitting inside my skull has kicked in. It’s a feeling of pressure, but not in any unpleasant way. It’s a dizziness, like my brain has been spun by a centrifuge to the edges of my skull, but once again it’s a very pleasant buzzing feeling. It’s an awareness of the weight of this organ in my head.

T1:10-Everthing has a metallic essence to it, not visually or auditorily or anything, the whole world just feels shiny, hard and reverberant. I am frowning very hard but not because I am sad, it just feels good to frown, it feels like the corners of my mouth are sinking into a hot tub.

T1:15-Proper feeling of dissociation comes on- the numbness in my extremities, the loss of proprioception, the absurd floppiness and extra momentum. There is a buzzing numbness at the borders of my physical existence. I feel as though I am simultaneously floating and sinking.

T1:20-The OEV’s begin to present- everything is blurry and busy, as if my vision has fragmented into a swarm of insects, all buzzing, landing, pausing, flickering their wings, taking off again and flying nowhere in particular. When I try to read it is as if the words are evading detection, not only blurring themselves and fleeing to the periphery of my vision, but remaining elusive in their meaning, the semiotics of the letters separating from the letters themselves, resulting in a strange jumble of illegible glyphs. With a little focus however, I can pull the words and their meanings back together and it all makes sense. It feels like everything is flowing and vibrating around me, like I am stones in a great babbling buzzing brook.

T1:30-This drug brings me a great deal of warmth. Everything in my peripheral vision is strobing and flashing. I am having such a fun time. It feels like the entirety of my existence has been sequestered and pinched off from the rest of reality, placed in its own neat little snow globe, and that snow globe is now being gently swirled, rocked, shaken back and forth.

Everything feels fast, like my movements are faster, my thoughts faster, the entirety of my being is a runaway train on a fast path to a canyon filled with pillows. I feel like I am made of clay, drooping and being molded and pinched by gravity, and being subject to a hot wet wind. It is like the wind that blows through a jungle, carrying the breaths of a million lives on it, all of these breaths colliding with my body like raindrops. I feel weird little blips of pressure on random parts of my body.

I decide to try and focus on the visuals. The closed eyed visuals are compartmentalized and blocky, like lego or stained glass or low res pixel art. Even with my eyes open this effect continues, lines begin to draw themselves and cross my field of vision. They split it into cells, and each cell breaks off to dance in its own individual essence, some are hot, some are cold, they spin and tilt and entwine and interlock. I begin to physically feel this visual essence of things being reduced to grains and particles- the feeling of gravel flowing past me and around me like a river, like they are the molecules of a liquid.
I feel so heavy, I am couchlocked and have no desire to move. I am being massaged by a river of gravel, the world around me is crumbling into blocks and bricks that join this burgeoning stream, it’s so warm and it feels so great. Something about this strikes at my emotions. I want to cry, not about anything in particular, I just want to feel the emotional release.

Visuals and headspace are still building more and more. I do not know or care when I am peaking. The motion of all these blocks feels like the interlocking moving parts of some intricate machine, as though existence has been pared down and reduced to pixels, the incredibly complicated mechanisms of the world turned into these simple representations. I close my eyes and am presented with a great blue and green landscape that looks painted- it is heavy with broad brush strokes that captured a reduced essence of what must be a more intricate scene.

I suddenly feel like I am floating an inch off of the ground. This is a peculiar feeling. I am tearing up, and it feels great. Despite the fact that I am floating, I feel so heavy, as if my weight has granted me my own gravity that keeps the world in orbit an inch away from me. I feel like I am buried and constrained in a tomb of blocks that roughly surrounds my shape. It’s pretty neat I guess.

T2:00-I am in a sea of pillars, each is jingling past me and floating in an infinite rushing blue space. I open my eyes and as they adjust to the dark I am presented with a checkerspot world, the edges of my vision fractalized into a great blue variegated nothing. Everything is dominated by blobs. The couchlock, the abstract yet simplistic visuals of the CEV’s, the deeply emotional and introspective headspace, this is probably the most meditative drug I’ve taken. I am feeling some amnesia and have difficulty remembering very recent actions, but with some focus I can maintain a coherent line of thought. This can be a very important therapeutic tool if I properly harness it.

T2:30-A great deal of meditation later in the infinite plane of blocks has left me with this: I begin to wonder what the source of euphoria is. I am certainly feeling a euphoric glow from this drug, but why? Why does it feel good? This leaves me eventually with the question- Why do I like what I like? I pose the question to several people and it catches most of the off guard. What is the pure essence of happiness for me? I do a lot of things under the guise of them bringing me happiness, immediate or long term, but what exactly is that happiness? Perhaps if I burrow down into the essence of it, I can perhaps find some way around all the tedium of everyday life and learn to harness good feelings in a pure and productive way. This brings me to think a great deal about my future- what am I pursuing? What is my overall goal in everything? Indeed everything I do builds towards some overall goal, whether it be a happy existence or building a better world for others. But what is the pure essence of a happy existence? A better world? What are the basics of these I should pursue? I realize that it feels like I am blindly pursuing and bowing to some essence that I am convinced is instinctually programmed into me. But perhaps I can dissect what I regard as instinct and discover new ways to alter my behaviors, habits, thought processes, and reactions to stimuli. But that’s enough thinking for now, I feel warm, like I am sitting by a campfire surrounded by a beautiful forest. The glow is accentuated by fireflies and the comfort of knowing that I am where I want to be in that moment.

My hands are heavy and I feeling a strong sense of empathy. I want to hug my friends, I want to help them dissect their thoughts to feel more satisfied and happy with the lives they lead, because so many of my friends are so depressed and dissatisfied all the time.

T3:00-I’m getting restless cooped up in this house. I throw on some clothes, throw some supplies into a bag, and embark on an adventure. I decide I will walk to the Philadelphia art museum. The walk is weird. I am dissed as hell still. People feel alien, like cardboard cutouts, but they are strangers on a dark night. The world seems to give way before me, rising out of the fog that obscures it. It is all pieces that are coming to form and interlock before me, for the pleasure of my interaction. I reach the art museum and realize that I walked that entire distance (~3 miles) without stopping once. My body is frail and I’m not physically capable of much. There are people who can run that distance without breaking a sweat, but me, I am so weak. The exhaustion catches up with me when I reach my destination. I smoke a lot of weed by the river and look at the glow of the city. Everything just feels so right. I decided on what would make me feel good, and I went out and did it, and now I am here, feeling good, doing things. I close my eyes and sink into that same world of swirling blocks and forms. This feels so psychedelic, this entire experience has felt more psychedelic than dissociatives. It has fostered wonderful and comfortable thinking and granted me shining and colorful insight into my mind.

I go to the museum and collect insects near the great spotlights. I listen to music and lie in the grass and gaze at the city, imagining all the lives there, imagining what it is that makes all of those individual people happy. Visually, my vision is still warping and pulsing, and everything has a greenish tinge. It makes the whole night feel dreamy and magical. There are a lot of people there but they pay me no heed. I am coordinated and can walk fine, I was a bit wobbly on the way over but I do not outwardly appear to be on drugs now. My limbs feel like they are glowing and glistening. I decide to go home, but I am feeling pretty exhausted. They are setting up for some huge event in front of the museum, and I have to skirt it as I feel like I would look suspicious as hell wandering through (There were several workmen and security people at work there). It’s a twinge of panic and paranoia, but it fades to the sense of adventure that comes from just walking around at this hour of night, and the wonderful feeling of having the total freedom to do this whenever I want. When I began this trip, I had no intention of leaving the house, but then I decided I wanted to, and I did, and now I am here. How cool is that? Subways do not run this late, so I must catch a bus. By sheer luck I run into the bus just as it passes the street I am walking on. I hop on, count my blessings, and enjoy a comfortable ride home.

T6:00-Played videogames for a while, listened to music, made some food while coming down. I am back to baseline now. Go to sleep with no problem.

Conclusion: Diphenidine is gazed upon with an eye of suspicion and fear in much of the drug community, or at the very best is seen as a more lacking version of its cousin, Ephenidine. A poor man’s ephenidine. Many people note its fiendish nature, in that it makes people fiend for it like addicts. Others note the potentially carcinogenic effects of smoking it. Most however, note the hardcore amnesia that can lead to serious blackouts and serious behavioral issues with that. Few have nice things to say. I supposed I had an atypical experience. This is perhaps my favorite dissociative I have ever taken. Very similar to 3-MeO-PCE. It is euphoric, incredibly profound and insightful, and tears at the deepest core of my emotions. It grants me a beautiful experience, and instills a sort of mania that always puts me to action, whether it be going for a long walk at 2 AM or contacting my ex for the first time in 9 months (happened last time I did it). I can certainly see how that can be dangerous, and I am blessed that my memory remains intact, as that manic activity combined with amnesia is a recipe for disaster. The body feel is an incredibly pleasant buzzing, a simultaneous heaviness and weightlessness, warm chills and a numbness that feels like a warm bath. Perhaps I am playing with fire, but it’s a beautiful numbing fire that drives the mind to colorful valleys of gemstones.