Hey, first post of the new year! This is recounting my wild new year's eve :3 Without further ado:
Age: 20
Weight: 120 lbs
Dosage:
200 ug LSD (sublingual)
35 mg 2C-B (oral)
10 mg 3-MeO-PCP (sublingual)
10 mg 3-MeO-PCP (Intranasal)
80 mg DALT (vaporized)
Setting: My friend's house, subways, my apartment
T0:00-Happy new years! It’s about
10:15 PM, I am going across the city to go to a party with my friend. I take 2
tabs of acid and pack up the rest of my party supplies and go.
T0:30-I am definitely feeling the
first notes of the acid. Not a sort of distance or dissociation, but warmth and
a feeling of being in tune with my mind and body that I get when I hit a sweet
spot dose of 200-300 ug. A perfect party dose.
T1:00-I arrive at the party. I
quickly pop 35 mg of 2C-B in a gel cap. I had a pretty large meal about 3 hours
ago, so I’m not really sure what will come of this.
T1:45-It’s midnight. Happy new
years. I’ve been socializing fine all night, albeit a bit strangely and
awkwardly, but I don’t mind. I’ve been sitting in the back yard smoking weed
for the entire party, the cold isn’t bothering me at all. Visuals are very
light, only can be seen when I look at the ground or look into the sky, typical
patterns. The trip feels very light so far, it would seem like the 2C-B is
still on the onset. I should’ve taken it earlier.
T3:00-It’s later and the party is
winding down, I dose the 3-MeO-PCP now by popping open the capsule and pouring
the powder under my tongue. The inside is less crowded so I feel better about
going inside. I feel a feeling of confidence coming on. I feel like dancing, I
feel like partying, it feels warm and pleasant. Too bad the party is winding
down.
T4:00-The train comes. I sit in a
car behind a person. People are looking at me, its an appropriate night to act
like I’m so fucked up that I don’t notice though. The person in front of me has
a voice that comes from eating lit cigarettes every day for 10 years. I can’t
tell if she’s coughing or talking, but she asks if I’m okay I think, then says
something dismissive sounding. Eh. The train pulls into the central station
where I have to transfer. Holy SHITttt is it crowded. It’s like 2:30 AM and its
packed with revelers. I duck off into a little corner and stare at the wall
until the train comes. Catching snippets of people’s conversations around me is
very very odd. People are weir, everyone looks like caricatures, or stereotypes
of their given subcultures. I recognize some people as they run around the
platform in and out of my field of vision, assign them character personalities
and stories. At last the subway comes. Things only get worse. Now this dense
mass of people must squeeze into subway cars. I get in, but barely, I am
pressed against a window and tripping fucking balls. Flashes of green and pink
hit my peripheral vision and illuminate patterns on blank or mottled surfaces.
I am wearing headphones and manage to drown out a lot of the people noise
around me, this calms me down. A person sitting in front of me looks like she’s
on the verge of crying. The boy next to her keeps trying to console her, and
eventually it seems like she’s passing out, and he has to keep her upright.
Weird thing to witness while dissociating into a world of patterns. I
eventually reach my stop and push my way out of the subway car. This ordeal has
lasted a great while. I finally get home at about 3 AM.
T5:15-After hanging around the
house for a bit and basking in how many balls I am tripping, I take a shower. In
the shower I think about a lot of things that I don’t feel comfortable writing
about. A lot of it is plotting, manipulation, dark thoughts and things that
make me a bad person. I suppose this is what comes with the territory of
confidence.
T5:25-I get out of the shower. I
rail another 10 mg of 3-MeO-PCP because why not, it’s new years.
T5:40-The ceiling looks like it’s
a dome, its bending away from me and being touched upon by patterns formed from
right angles. Suddenly the greatest softest feeling washes over me. I feel like
a moth, I literally feel like a moth. I am soft, I am fluffy, I am lightweight
and I can fly. I feel like I am made of dust, I am covered with downy hair and
downy scales, I am a cottonball with great muffled wings. The word “moth” is
weird to me. I know it designates an animal, but when I hear the word the
association isn’t made. It is lost all its symbolic meaning, it is simply a
lonely and unattached word now. I am not a “moth” I am that animal that is
covered in fluff, with 2 wings covered in downy scales, and feathered antennae,
primarily nocturnal and rests with its wings open. I feel so soft, I feel so
warm and snuggly, I wish I had someone to cuddle with right now. I listen to
really pleasant soft music. It feels indescribably beautiful. I am somber but I
have opened a brief bubble of glowing respite, glowing like the moon in a lukewarm
night, the moon that moths flutter in the silvery glow of. I honestly don’t
know what’s real or what’s not anymore. My memories feel so distant. Like I
know I’m not a moth, but that’s it. I have no idea what’s real or not beyond
that, but It doesn’t bother me at all.
T6:00-I go outside. I’ve decided
I am going to try smoking DALT out there. It takes me forever to get ready. I
keep losing track of what I’m in the middle of doing. I keep losing track of
where I put things. I keep getting distracted. It feels like the myth of
Tantalus. My short term memory is fucked. I finally manage to get outside. I
was gonna lounge in the bathtub we had back there and smoke. I make a shocking
discovery. Our backyard has been cleaned up and our bathtub has been cut into
pieces and stacked in a corner. What the fuck. Who did this. I begin to think I
am just hallucinating this, that I have really gone that far. I wake up my
roommate and get him to confirm. I am so scared. Waking him up is weird. His
voice doesn’t sound like his and he doesn’t look like him. It’s really
unnerving. He confirms that I am not hallucinating our backyard. Whelp. That’s
disappointing. I go up to my room and decide to just smoke the DALT in there.
T7:00-The smoke tastes like sweet
DMT, it is a very subtle but manageable acrid, it tastes sort of like pumpkins but
it is wholly a unique odor. Each hit I take feels like I am being pulled
further and further out from reality, into a grand fractal globe of repeating
concentric patterns. Like a great cosmic tongue, reaching out to taste me, and
my essence swirling away from me to meet it. At last it savors my flavor, and
draws me into its maw. I am truly gone.
T7:20-I close my eyes and it feel
my body fade to nothing. I feel it melt into my sheets, become a part of the
great fractallized diamond everything around me. I am so distant from myself, I
feel the love of some motherly feminine essence envelop me. It feels like an
embrace from the fluffy legs of a moth, it feels like being enshrouded in its
dusty wings. A great green glow permeates this realm and cascades around me. I
do not feel like I am contacting an entity, merely touching with and embracing
a personification of some inherent essence of the universe or of my internal
self. I feel this great motherly presence descend from the sky and enshroud me
in great smoky fingers. It feels like the hand of god, it feels like divine protection
and the fire of life and the burning back of forests of death. A great glowing
pastel crystal fractal flower blooms above me and blossoms into infinity. Death
is something to think about here. My heart is racing, what would happen if I
were to die? My existence, everything became a great intricate skull, one that
seemed to be woven from a billion waxy fibers, it was like a cattle skull, flashing
in deep green and crimson, it was the idea of death, encapsulating all the
fears and notions the living hold towards it. It was a great desert that was
blossoming with life, it was an oasis of existence. Everything felt so natural
and perfectly in place, and so beautiful. I felt cleansed and healed, the
energy was pastel pink, green, turquoise and blue. I felt the same strike of
life force I’ve gotten from other trips, especially mixing psychedelics and
dissociatives. This essence, this
non-entity that I mentioned before is wrapping me in its dusky wings and
singing soothing songs that cascade onto my brain.
T8:30-It’s time for bed. I take
alprazolam and etizolam to knock myself out. While I lie there waiting to
sleep, I get dream projection scenarios like with DXM. It’s vivid visions that
simply take place in the world around me, I just walk around and do normal things
in these hallucinated worlds. I open my eyes and I am back in my bed, I haven’t
moved at all. It’s interesting. I eventually fall asleep.
Epilogue: The afterglow the next
day was really nice I was confident and social, and didn’t even feel out of it but
rather improved in every way. Although I was a bit wacky and out of touch with
reality. You take what you can get I guess.
T3:40- I had similar thinking once when I was walking home. it was very late. id say around 2 and I was thinking what would happen if I got robbed or raped? what would I do? 10 minutes later I was robbed. it was exciting I was scared while it was happening but after I felt I could do anything. I don't know why. but he took my phone I was upset about that bc it had all my music on it. what would I listen to at school so that people wouldn't talk to me y'know? but this was a few years ago. I remember it like yesterday. granted I wasn't on drugs so I guess it couldn't have been the same experience but I think about things like that a lot when I'm alone.
ReplyDeleteThat's scary as hell, it's constantly on my mind when I am walking around at that time :P I feel like I have some contingency plan in mind if that was to happen to me but if it really came I would just fuck up and submit all of my belongings and ruminate on how could've done things differently forever........
ReplyDeleteyes I've always had a plan for if something like that would happen to like I shouldn't have given him my phone but instead kicked him in the balls but I obviously fucked that up hah
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