Whelp here it is, yet another year of doing drugs has come and gone. It goes without saying that it was a unique year but I'll still say it anyways- Unprecedented wildfires sweeping through many different parts of the globe, an unprecedented storm season, unprecedented uprisings against authoritarianism and police worldwide (particularly in my home country, which had seen relative stagnation on that front for some time), one of the most contested and polarizing elections in my country in living memory, and of course the one that casts a long shadow over the rest, the global coronavirus pandemic.
The consequences of the pandemic have been felt on every level by almost every person on earth at this point. For drug users, it has been a watershed year- loss of employment, lockdowns and restrictions have led to many people turning to substance in the abundant time alone in their homes, some exploratory, many sinking into addiction and despair. While it is still too early for the data to be fully analyzed, what has been observed so far paints a picture of sharply increasing drug use in every form. The coronavirus pandemic has almost certainly compounded the already devastating opioid abuse epidemic seen primarily in the U.S., and use of stimulants and cannabis has also been on the rise.
The Global Drug Survey is sure to yield some very interesting results this year, go and fill it out if you haven't already! The deadline is January 30th.
Interesting new frontiers have been opening up too- acceptance of certain hallucinogens for treating mental illness has gained exponential acceptance, with an explosion of studies, trials, and new laws facilitating this belatedly burgeoning frontier in psychiatry that had been strangled by prohibition for decades. Psilocybin mushrooms have seen significant strides in the medical and legal arena, as has ketamine. A global movement against police brutality and racial injustice has made many aware of how criminal justice systems cruelly leverage drug prohibition to target minorities (especially in the U.S.)
On a personal level, I have done more drugs than I ever have before in my life. Both in quantity and frequency of use and in the number of novel substances consumed. The simple attribution here is long periods of time spent indoors, alone, which happens to be my favorite setting in which to consume drugs. A number of novel compounds entered the market this year too, especially within my favorite class of drugs, the dissociatives. I also at last did away with my personal stigma against non-hallucinogenic drugs- for much of my psychonautic career I dismissed whole words of substances for being "shallow", or out of fear of certain effects. I finally accepted that a comprehensive understanding of psychoactive substances and altering my mind involves truly exploring the full suite of ways in which I can alter my mind. For the most part, I have particularly found myself exploring variety within stimulants and benzodiazepines. I reoriented my intentions with drug use during the summer, distilling them into a single essay to guide myself going into the future. I do not intend to stop using drugs in the forseeable future, they are an inextricable part of my lifestyle. I intend to use them more intentionally and in ways that specifically benefit me and others, but I feel like I say that every year and fail to measure up. It's hard. Not to say that I'm not trying, but the path of least resistance is the reason why drugs are so popular in the first place.
I have to acknowledge the privilege I've had to be able to explore this- that I can sustain multiple habits while still having a roof over my head and eating enough. I am blessed that I had enough of a safety net from when I was employed to keep me afloat when I wasn't- I know that it is so much more precarious for so many. Confidence and self assuredness in navigating online markets facilitated an unprecedented rate of purchasing, along with a series of windfalls of mobile liquidatable BTC that I couldn't really use elsewhere. I also owe many novel experiences to the generosity of friends and vendors who have lent me samples of things to guinea pig with my body and mind, an for that I am infinitely grateful. I must admit though, that I have spent an untoward amount of money on drugs this year, resources that would absolutely serve humanity better if requisitioned elsewhere. This I cannot reconcile.
I have to acknowledge that using drugs like I have in 2020 is in no way sustainable, in terms of my own health, the health of my relationships, the health of my financial stability, the health of meaningfully moving forward with my life. I have certainly stagnated in a way and I would like to just chalk it up to circumstance but perhaps its something deeper. I would like to go into this year using more intentionally and primarily seeking novel experiences, but we shall see how it plays out and what this year will bring.
On stimulants- I approach these mostly from a functional perspective. I am seeking substances that will keep me awake, enhance focus and motivation, and overall improve cognitive function and energy levels. Particularly as of the last few months I've found myself listless, fatigued, unmotivated, distractible, and struggling to do even basic chores and tasks, much less approach larger projects and longer term goals. I have been experimenting with a variety of rc stimulants to try and alleviate this- and they do indeed help! They make me feel normal and functional, and I am questioning whether I have undiagnosed ADHD and whether taking a daily prescribed dose would serve my life for the better. As of now I just take a low-medium dose of my choice compound as needed, on days when I plan to be productive. I don't particularly enjoy the stimulant high, and I find that many of them give me a whole suite of unpleasant side effects, especially as I push doses higher. I never get a compulsion to redose nor do I typically suffer strong comedown effects beyond drowsiness and fatigue. The more "recreational" stimulants, particularly the cathinones, have proven to be largely unpleasant for me. The one that I have found most helpful in my life is IPPH (or Isopropylphenidate). 4F-MPH, 3-FPM, and 2-FMA (I tried this for the first time just after new years but shh) have also provided a modicum of relief.
I developed a complicated relationship with benzodiazepines this year- I have been maintaining a habit of using benzos 1-3 times weekly for the last few years. From the fall of 2019 onwards however, use steadily increased, and I found myself using them at higher doses and with greater frequency. Most dangerous was the addition of flualprazolam to my arsenal- flualprazolam is powerfully hypnotic, it will put me to sleep in an instant and cut through any other drugs to give me deep, long lasting, extremely restful sleep. It became my perfect post-psychedelic/disso/stim knockout drug. It soon became difficult to sleep without it- I would often combine it with recreational doses of etizolam (which was my sleep aid before) to finish the night off, which eventually culminated in having even etizolam not sedate me anymore. While for most of my life, I could instantaneously abstain from benzos for any period of time without issue, I soon found myself suffering the dreaded withdrawal effects on days I abstained. Eventually I was completely unable to sleep unaided- any sleep that came along was brief and restless. My usual peripheral hypnotics, DPH and melatonin, were no longer doing the trick. During the day my heart was pounding, my thoughts racing, my muscles were twitching, and I felt extremely tense and on edge. I mercifully only experienced very very mild discontinuation symptoms- I have read plenty of horror stories of just how bad benzo withdrawal can be. I did a quick taper and quit, thankfully.
For a bit- it was about a month later that I was back on the horse- I was consciously keeping track of my use now however, and was back to just 1-2 times a week. I intentionally discontinued use for weeks to ensure I was doing okay. I seem to have avoided amassing kindling effects, and I pay careful attention to my doses and increases in tolerance (part of why things began to get out of hand before is that I was really just eying out doses of powder or eying drops of an unmeasured solution). I don't want to give up benzos forever- they have utility that few things can replace. I still have trouble sleeping, I still take something most nights to sleep, typically DPH or Doxylamine. Due to the utility of benzos I found myself curious about the variety that existed and set out to explore as many as I could. In sampling a wide variety, the only really valuable one I picked up for my toolkit was pyrazolam. I really circled back to Etizolam as my staple. I will write a post summarizing my experience with a wide breadth of benzos in the near future. For now I am carefully monitoring my use. I'd like to think I have it under control, but every addict likes to tell themself lies. And I know how quickly and easily it can slip out the illusion of control I have now. I am grateful for my partner for checking me and my use.
Psychedelics and dissociatives maintained a constant presence as always. Dissociatives in particular were a poison of choice that I used heavily throughout the year. The fact that 4 new compounds appeared on the market in 2020 only made exploration of dissociatives all the more exciting. DMXE, 3-Cl-PCP and MXiPR have proven to be absolute gems.
I also have introduced .Δ8-THC and kratom into my regular rotation. They're neat. I spend most of my free time playing Chivalry: Medieval Warfare. I got rejected from graduate school. I'm mostly lazy and unmotivated. I took up watching a movie a day for a time period, mostly through the Criterion Channel, and I've taken up cooking and playing with spices a lot recently. The time I spent alone in quarantine with 0 responsibilities other than being alive, when everyone else was at least trying a little bit to distance themselves and there was a general sense of postponing obligations, was probably some of the most comfortable times of my life. But it as at the expense of shielding myself from the unfolding and skyrocketing tragedy striking down so much life and livelihood around me. Maybe I'm just destined to be a NEET fueled by drugs and welfare.
This year I've also developed a lot of wonderful connections in the community and made many new friends, from vendors, to scientists, to fellow hobbyists old and new. They have helped me explore the world of substances firsthand, improve my writing and research skills, brainstorm new ideas, and learn so much more. I won't give a shoutout to anyone specific because of the nature of this blog, but if we've met through the internet drug community and maintained contact, just know I value our friendship! :)
In the abundance of free time at my (mostly) unemployed disposal, I have dedicated myself to various projects involving the study of drugs via literature reviews. I have undertaken two large overarching projects-
The first is my series Obscure and Unknown (catalogued in this reddit post)- this was a revival of an idea I hatched in 2017 but never followed through on, in which I would dig through medical literature or forgotten forum posts or written literature and write about interesting and little-known substances. My main focus has been on hallucinogens. I have had a lot of fun working on this, I hope the articles are accessible and interesting and enjoyable to read, definitely check it out if that interests you! (it's on the side bar too). I spent a great deal of time teaching myself some of the basics in pharmacology and structural organic chemistry to help understand these papers better and interpret the information I could find. Which leads into my next project:
My other massive undertaking began over the summer when I began to think beyond the obscure drugs and began to consider introducing new drugs to the world. I began to dive into SAR, "Structure Activity Relations"- as the name implies, it's the analysis of how the structure and composition of a molecule affects the way that molecule is received by the body (and mind). After much research and correspondence, I broke down the base structures of 3 different classes of dissociative, the arylcyclohexylamines, the Diarylethylamines, and the Dioxolanes. For each of these families of compound I made a flowchart as a visual aid to demonstrate the ways in which one could systematically design or modify a molecule in hopes of preserving dissociative activity. A lot of it is admittedly pure conjecture that awaits real world in vitro (or perhaps in vivo) experimentation and analysis to confirm these hypotheses. But perhaps these could serve as guide posts or a loose framework on which to base legitimate research. Ultimately they are fairly long, tedious, and wordy and most of the meat and potatoes of each essay is likely only of interest to the few individuals who may be seeking to develop new substances. But I hope it will serve those people well. I aim to write similar essays for the myriad of miscellaneous dissociatives out there, phenethylamine psychedelics, tryptamine psychedelics, and lysergamides, beyond the seminal work already done by giants like Alexander Shulgin.
Now then- I go on to a familiar part of my year in review essays. I list and rank and briefly summarize every new drug I've tried this year. There are more this year than ever before, so buckle up for a long ride! Without further ado (substances with corresponding reports are linked):
1. DMXE: DMXE is a miraculous substance. An absolute gem. No its not exactly like MXE. I wrote a whole essay about how we should move on now. It is something entirely of its own, something that may not fill the MXE shaped hole in your heart, but will form a new wonderful hole in your heart that will ache when it inevitably disappears. Stock up while you can! It's a delightful versatile dissociative that has enjoyable qualities at any dose- lower doses are fun and stimulating and a bit manic, higher doses yield a deep and colorful hole. I am so excited to spend more time exploring this compound for all its worth. My only gripes are the high dose and short duration, though neither of those should be an issue for fans of ketamine.
2. 3-Cl-PCP: This was one of two brand new halogenated dissociatives that came out this year- halogenation had largely only existed in the realm of in vitro studies until 2020 when 3-F-PCP and 3-Cl-PCP came onto the market. You will see that other compound 3-F-PCP much further down this list. It's amazing what a world of difference is made when you add a slightly bulkier halogen. 3-Cl-PCP is a wonderful substance, though it doses much higher than most dissociatives, it is perhaps one of the most unique ones I've tried so far. It is remarkably anxiolytic and "soft", just an experience of absolute dissociated comfort that manages to be simultaneously gentle and intense, with a good touch of visuals too. It's seriously underrated and talked about little, I can't recommend it highly enough especially for those psychonauts seeking novelty and breadth of experience.
3. 1cP-LSD: For the longest time I regrettably slept on lysergamides other than good ol' LSD- my limited experience with a few of them saw little novelty in them and little variation between experiences.This year I began to key into them a little more- initially getting some new ones as addons to larger orders I was making. 1cP-LSD proved to be one of the most unique and interesting of the ones I've tried so far- remarkably lucid but incredibly visual. While there's good amounts of evidence that 1-substituted lysergamides just metabolize into LSD, some of them have proven to be inexplicably unique in their effects, like this one. It's like the 2C-B of lysergamides if I may make the comparison. The first time I took this I spent the whole trip watching livestreams of day 3 of the uprisings in Minneapolis.
4. MXiPr: Another purported MXE replacement. This one also has proven to be a unique drug unto itself. When it comes to dissociatives, I am a deep diver, I go for the hole as often as I can. I prefer more intense experiences. The hole of MXiPr is unlike any other. It is energetic, exploratory, and vividly colorful. Its a journey on the back of my eyelids, with structure and sequence. It's so exciting, so fascinating, so enjoyable. The only reason this isn't higher on the list is that it lacks in versatility- I've found lower doses are fairly boring and unremarkable, much like lower doses of MXPr. DMXE shines at pretty much any dose which is why it's #1. MXiPr is also absolutely something valuable and worth investigating however.
5. IPPH: Of all the stimulants I've tried, none have really met my needs quite as well as IPPH. I don't enjoy the high of stimulants much, I do not seek recreational value, for the most part I am looking for something that will just allow me to function at a baseline level of motivation and focus that I seem naturally deficient in. IPPH checks all those boxes neatly- minimal side effects, and just the right amount of push and confidence to get things done without bubbling over in any regard- not too much stimulation, not too much euphoria, just exactly the right amount, within a fairly wide margin of doses. All around worthwhile.
6. 3-Me-PCP: This is another novel dissociatives that really bears comparison to more famliar compounds- it is much like regular PCP or 3-MeO-PCP, similarly lucid and stimulating and manic. It has a remarkably shorter duration than either and a bit more of a euphoric rush and physical dissociation, almost like alcohol or GHB. It is fairly shallow and not too useful for introspection- the short duration and relative lucidity make this a perfect party drug, but owing to current events I have been unable to test it within that context.
7. Pyrazolam: When I first began using this I began to question the common descriptor for it that was served on the internet- the best functional benzo. After repeated use however it became clear that while higher doses carried a pleasant high, it was ultimately less amnesic and inebriating than other benzos. Sufficiently hypnotic too. I think it has a nice euphoria and can let you get through life without causing too many problems- ultimately a very utilitarian drug, making it my favorite new benzo I tried this year.
8. Δ8-THC: I'm not well versed in the variety of cannibanoids so I can't compare this to anything other than regular cannabis. It's a lighter gentler high, definitely odd in its contradicting gentle intensity if you push it, but I've found I really have to dig in deep to feel something equivalent to a higher dose of cannabis. I find it to be lacking on its own, but it pairs excellently with regular cannabis to take some of the edge off (Oh yeah, as a consequence of my benzo use most likely, cannabis is no longer something relaxing, its more of an edgy stimulant at this point, and I still smoke it every day. Whatever)
9. Meclonazepam: This is near indistinguishable from clonazepam, a bit shorter in duration I guess, and less potent. I like clonazepam a lot, so naturally I like this a lot too. Not much else to say on it. Euphoric and fun with a lot of creativity, just as clonazepam is.
10. 4F-MPH: Okay I lied a little, sometimes stims offer a fun high. 4F-MPH has a lot of fine lines you have to carefully walk to make the most of it. Lower doses are the same sort of functional as IPPH, but a bit more tense and edgy, without as much wind behind the sails in the right places. High-mid doses are where it really shines, where it carries what I would call an "aggressive motivation" with a strong euphoric push. It makes you do things and feel good about it, it's a great drug for doing chores and menial tasks. It's a hell of a sweet spot with dose though- overstep it by just a little and a whole mess of side effects come crashing down, mostly tweakiness and tension and nausea. It's made me throw up before. To be used responsibly. It seems that sweet spot varies however, and I can't hit it consistently with the same doses. I have to generally gently feel it out and titrate up with tiny bumps until I hit the mark.
11. 3-FPM: The first stimulant I began studying in earnest, I adhered to it for quite some time because it was all I had. It's nice, its mild, there isn't too much there unless you really plunge deep into it. Effects are subtle at low doses, effects are marked at high doses without too many side effects. I did notice an odd tingling in my toes after using it for two consecutive days however. It's a nice neutral stimulation, not much rush and a gentle sprinkling of euphoria in the right settings. Mostly just very useful for staying awake or going to work a menial retail job.
12. 1F-LSD: It feels unfair to gas this up, it will probably never be available to other people. It was nice though, a gentle psychedelic trip where I felt at the helm the whole time, just a bit visual. Made for a nice day out. Was gifted this as a test batch, but owing to purported instability and more viable alternatives, it probably won't be coming to market. Not that there's anything wrong with it, the market guides all I guess.
13. 1B-LSD: Also quite gentle and enojayable. A simple pleasure that makes for a nice day out. Kinda boring in the usual setting. Not as visual as 1F-LSD, or rather the visuals are more of a color-shifting than a patterning nature- still present but not as pleasing to me personally. All in all a worthwhile compound, but not too deep.
14. 5-MeO-DPT: I admittedly had extremely low expectations for this one. 5-MeO compounds can be gnarly on the body. So can DPT. I expected to spend a day throwing up and begging for mercy. What followed was an oddly non-visual but intense and emotionally raw experience that nearly brought me to tears with its pleasantry and beauty. It's an odd and unique compound that definitely isn't for everyone, but I was pleasantly surprised by it.
15. 4-HO-MALT: A gentle psychedelic- remarkably free of any body load. That's really all the credit I can give it, it was pretty standard otherwise. Maybe I'm being a jaded stickler for expecting more of my drugs, for what its worth it is definitely trippy tryptamine that will give desired effects, especially to someone drug naive. To be fair I only tried it a few times as I didn't have much at my disposal. Perhaps I would like it more if I acquainted myself more. It's got potential I guess. I think this would make a great beginner or entry level psychedelic for someone who wants to carefully wade into that realm.
16. MPT: I am still running trials on this, I hope to have a report up soon. A base tryptamine that was uniquely offered as a fumarate salt. I am mostly too lazy to rig up something to vape tryptamines, though learning how to work a crackpipe has opened that front up a little more. But this I could just eat, which was nice. I've been undershooting my doses due to a lack of information on this one, working up to an experience that I think would be worth reporting on. The last was fairly intense, but remarkably non-visual at all. I stupidly took bromazolam the night before however, and I wonder if that diluted the experience. It's interesting and draws me in to investigate further, so it benefits from that. Hoping to run another trial soon but I have a lot on my plate currently :)
17. 4-HO-DiPT: Another standard eh psychedelic. Like 4-HO-MALT. If you ingest this, you will definitely have a brief psychedelic experience replete with the typical trappings. But there frankly wasn't much about this drug that made it stand out amongst the hundreds of other psychedelic experiences I've had. It does its job and it does it well, but I didn't find it particularly novel or interesting. I'm sure you could coax something profound out of a higher dose of it, but I didn't have any particular compulsion to explore that.
18. 3-F-PCP: We're reaching an inflection point in the list, where compounds are just so-so, very neutral, or have their positives equally weighted by negatives. 3-F-PCP is the former. Just a really nondescript intense and neutral dissociation that battered like a storm for a short span of time. Not too interesting, not too profound, just left me dazed and stupid. Some people seem to like this drug, most don't though. If raw dissociation is your speed and you want something shorter and less potent than O-PCE then why not.
19. BOD: A fast and furious psychedelic, hot and stimulating. It reminds me a lot of psychedelic amphetamines despite not being one at all. It was a fun and novel compound, great for socializing, great for humor. Maybe it ranks low because I haven't seen my best friends I did this with in months and I miss them. But it also had a heavy bodyload, particularly in urinary effects, that lingered long after the pleasant effects wore off and that has turned me off from revisiting it.
20. Norflurazepam: A very neutral benzodiazepine, it doses high and despite being billed as having a long half life, it seems about the same duration as clonazepam for me. Perhaps the lingering half life just means you'll stay well for longer if you're trying to taper off. This drug is billed as a golden standard for tapering after all, if you can't get your hands on Diazepam. Diclazepam fulfills this role too, but more on that later. Norflurazepam is for me, near indistinguishable from Diazepam, but a bit more incapacitating and sedating, which is why I'll rank it a notch higher than Diazepam.
21. Diazepam: Neutral as a benzo, it's nice on its own but its this far down the list because it doesn't serve my main utility with benzos at all- the ability to cut through the comedown of a stim or psych or disso and put me to sleep. This cuck of a compound just shies to the background and lets stims rage through me in a haze until the sun rises. Just have to know when to use it right. Maybe if I pushed doses high enough I would get to sleep but 30 mg had me feeling plenty off base. I'm glad I got to finally encounter the "gold standard" of benzodiazepines though, as it was really just through a stroke of fortune.
22. Eutylone: Eh. It's a good roll, and its extremely cheap. Only problem is I don't much like rolling. A bit too many stimmy side effects for my taste, but if someone wants to feel good with some other people for very little cash then this should more than meet their needs.
23. Diclazepam: I don't know what to make of this. Some people say you aren't supposed to feel it, it just keeps you well if you have a habit. Other say you can absolutely get fucked up in Diclazepam, and say the latter have all been getting bunk product. I brought it up for discussion and people came from both camps very passionately. No conclusion was reached. I personally do not feel anything from Diclazepam beyond excessive salivation, even at doses exceeding 8 mg. But that's just one batch- perhaps it is one of the "bunk" batches- who knows! This is the true neutral baseline point of the list, because I question if it feels like anything at all. Everything below this has the negative effects outweigh the positives.
24. O-DSMT: My introduction to the world of opioids seems to point towards them not being a class of drug that is very compatible with me. I seem quite sensitive to the itching side effect, even with plenty of antihistamines administered. It was extremely uncomfortable. The high was nice, but the horrendous skin tearing itching took away from it. It's not a bad drug I don't think, just not for me. If you are into opioids and want to catch a fix without nodding off all the way then it would probably serve you well.
25. 5-MeO-MALT: To this drug's credit, it is, at the very least, very interesting and novel. But also extremely uncomfortable. I would've liked to honestly explore further into this one but it felt like my body, particularly my heart, could not handle diving in deeper. It's important to listen to your body and when it's telling you to stop and I'm glad I did. Just sad I can't really plumb the depths of this compound, it seems like it has interesting things to offer. Perhaps someone else with a better body could. Made for a fun tryptamine in a crackpipe experience.
26. 3-FMA: With stimulants I'm mostly seeking effectiveness along an axis of motivation, lucidity, and heightened awareness. This thing plays with the levels in all the wrong ways. It's definitely stimulating, but instead of focusing on the tasks at hand, I find myself compulsively falling into cycles of procrastination and distraction. Not useful at all, just a waste of time. I'm just fidgety and compulsively refreshing my social media feeds for hours, then feeling bad about it after.
27. Bromazolam: I had really high hopes for this one, its sad that it ended up towards the bottom of the list, because now I have more than I know what to do with. I heard lots of positive experiences especially with regards to its recreational value. It was purportedly euphoric and very anxiolytic and quite hypnotic too. All things I sought to varying degrees. And it did provide that, in spades- things this far down the list though have the negatives outweigh the positives, and Bromazolam was just so amnesic- an effect that would linger for multiple days, that I really want no part of it in my life anymore. I found myself unexpectedly and inadvertently missing days I would have liked to remembered, which I don't really like- very little discussion online mentioned the drawn out amnesic effects even after most of the other effects had faded, but in bringing it up for discussion a handful of people corroborated this. So be warned! And this serves as a warning to me that drugs are very subjective and not to get my expectations too high.
28. Clonazolam: This is the end of the road for many a benzo addict- extremely potent and long lasting, it really just fits the needs of those who need to maintain a heavy habit and absolutely no one else. This shit makes me sleep through every alarm while being blacked out for like 3 days, and then I'm dozing off the whole time. I don't mind a drawn out benzo but this one is just so sedating that I'm more or less useless until its left my body. I can't see myself using this unless I had exhausted every other option financially and had to keep a habit up, which is I guess what draws so many people into this chemical.
29. α-PCYP: Absolute garbage. I usually restrain myself from dismissing any drugs with broad strokes like that, but corresponding with others who have used this, I think it's fair terms to speak of this drug. Bottom of the barrel cathinone for those seeking a fix. 20 minutes of fun then a day or two of feeling like absolute shit, and it makes everything smell like cum. Apparently a lot of this is standard for pyrovalerones which makes me wonder what the fuck but to each their own. But also its generally held in low regard even amongst its sketchy pyrovalerone cousins. Maybe I'm a cuck about stims but I genuinely wondered if I had done permanent damage to my body after using this. There's a reason its so cheap.
30. BTCP: Probably toxic for your liver. I snorted it and it hurt a ton and I had a stinging sniffling pain in my sinuses for the rest of the day. Dumb dumb dumb. Yielded a neutral useless stimulation that was overshadowed by the discomfort. Was given this for free with a bigger order, and I can see why the vendor wanted to just be rid of it. Tried for the sake of trying, will never touch again, even in an emergency.
31. 5-MeO-MET: I just felt like I had poisoned myself. Nothing profound or interesting to offer beyond a physical sensation of being poisoned. Maybe my body is just sensitive but I'm not eager to investigate further. Would like to hear other's thoughts on this and hear if anyone has anything positive to say but for now, to me, this drug has absolutely no redeeming qualities. BTCP and α-PCYP ultimately felt awful but for some period of the experience had something to offer me at least. This had nothing, at any point, that felt of value. Would probably rank among the most uncomfortable, dysphoric, irredeemable substances I've put in my body, next to Glaucine.
I also tried 2-Methyl-AP-327 with barely discernible effects- though recent reports on its consistent toxicity has made me wary of delving further into it. I also tried blue lotus in a smoking blend mixed with cannabis- effects were subtle and barely discernible. A gentler high than usual, though I only tried it once with the help of a friend, hard to really say much more on it.
I would also like to give an honorable mention to kratom and 3-HO-PCE, which I revisited in earnest this year after merely sampling them in years before. Kratom provides a nice high but more importantly provides relief from the pain in my spine and neck and the resulting tension headaches. Still haven't mastered consuming it without almost vomiting however. 3-HO-PCE I initially dismissed due to sampling an early batch that has now been tested and shown to be either inert or heavily diluted with some sort of filler or inert byproduct. I gave it another chance, and it proved itself to be a unique and intense dissociative in its own right- still not really one to my liking, it would probably fit between 5-MeO-DPT and 4-HO-MALT on this list- but definitely something worth trying and exploring. It's not for everyone but it has its adherents, just like any drug.
To all readers, thank you for reading, thank you for the kind words occasionally offered, hit me up at nervewing@protonmail.com if you ever want to chat or have any questions or whatever, here's to another year of being altered.
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