Psilocin

CW: Existential dread

Age: 18

Weight: 125 lbs

Dosage: ~50 mg oral in solution
Setting: My dorm room

So backstory… I had roughly 250 mg of 4-AcO-DMT dissolved in water to make measuring doses easier… I kept the water bottle in a fridge, but for my spring break I took it with me, and it was unrefrigerated for about a week. In that time, the water had become a murky greenish color, with bits of …stuff… floating in it. It had become pretty nasty but I wasn’t going to give up what amounted to maybe 5 or 6 more doses that I had paid for, having only gotten 2 experiences so far. So I emptied the bottle (there were small black flecks attached to the bottle all over the inside) and boiled the water. I then filtered the water to get the solid pieces out. It was still a murky greenish color (though it had gotten a black tint to it now). The water smelled like mildew and tasted metallic. Well fuck. I decided to put it aside in my fridge until I got the chance to test it. That chance came about a week later. I obviously hadn’t killed what dwelt in my water, as the water was now a very murky almost opaque greenish black. Wow. I decided I would test to see if anything psychedelic or redeemable still existed in there and measured out 100 mL. I measured the 4-AcO-DMT so there would be 1 mg per 2 mL. If whatever in this water was still 4-AcO-DMT (also the concentration probably got messed up through boiling it), it would’ve been a roughly 50 mg dose. Oops, very reckless. [LATER DETERMINED THAT CHEMICAL WAS MOST LIKELY 4-HO-DMT, PSILOCIN, THE ACTIVE CHEMICAL IN MUSHROOMS]

T0:00-I flavor the nasty blackish water and down it all in one gut wrenching gulp. First I taste the flavoring agent I added, then the metallic mildew flavor, and lastly a lasting chemical bitterness that resembles the flavor of the original chemical. I have to avoid reflexively throwing up because the fact that I am drinking what is essentially old fishtank water is fucking revolting.

T0:10-I can already feel something building in me. Is it just sickness? It feels like a psychedelic come up, but it is disturbingly rapid and powerful. I begin to shake and shiver as I feel my body become lighter. I feel like I’ve made some grave error, like I really did get too reckless. Something big is about to happen.

T0:20-I am starting to get visuals swirling on every surface. Standard rainbow fractals and swirling geometries beginning to overlay on every surface. I am shaking uncontrollably and feeling someone nauseous. It feels like my guts are liquefying and my body has been grabbed and is being shaken violently. Surfaces are beginning to warp and breathe.

T0:30-I can’t use my computer anymore. I lie down on my bed and pull my covers up over me and close my eyes. I have vivid closed eye visuals of interlocking polyhedrons breathing moving into and out of each other with the rhythm of my breathing. Sound starts to become warped and altered as it reverberates and resonates around me, each sound repeating and echoing into abyss. Opened eye visuals become powerful as every object in my room has a very stark appearance, stark and austere yet splashed with sharp outlines of color. I close my eyes and feel my body become numb and fall away as CEV’s of radiating and concentric shapes pulse about.

T0:45-Things get very strange now. I begin to observe objects around me and feel them hold a very “human” presence. I do not literally visualize these objects as anthropomorphic, but they have very anthropomorphic presence. I feel as though these objects are watching me, they are responding consciously to my presence, that they are somehow reacting to me. My pillow has a very fatherly presence. My walls are huge and stoic and imposing. My desk sits quietly and gazes. My blankets are warm loving people who are wrapping around me. Every object breathes with colors and warps and pulses as they surround me and experience me.

T1:00-My sense of proportion becomes very screwy. I suddenly feel very very tiny in this huge room of anthropomorphized furniture. I feel like my bed is stretching for hundreds of feet around me, like my walls are towering stories above me. I pull the blankets over my head and I feel like a tiny little man inside an enormous cavern, a cavern made of fabric, where the walls of the cave are breathing and are acknowledging my presence. Then suddenly I am as big as my bed. My bed has been molded to be my exact size, no bigger, no smaller. Suddenly my door is smaller than me, the walls trapping me inside their claustrophobic prison. I am in a world of changing sizes and sentient furniture…sounds familiar…

T1:30-I am slowly feeling less like I am watched. That has given way to a sort of euphoria and confidence that I never feel normally-oh god I feel GREAT. I feel amazing, I feel like I can do anything. I want to see and experience all of the world, all of its people, I want to do everything and I can do everything and anything! Visuls are dying down to a general blurriness and dancing, swirling, warping colors.

T2:00-Oh god what MISERY. I am lying on my back, staring blankly at my ceiling, eyes unblinking, mouth agape. I am so POINTLESS I am so USELESS. I will never be great, I will never amount to anything, there are too many people in this world for any quality of mine to stand out. I will not affect anything, I am so insignificant and inconsequential. These feelings flood in out of nowhere as the trip sputters out, I am just so taken by the horrible existential misery that I cannot even move.

T2:30-all of that bullshit has passed. I feel a little better, just back to the usual depressed melancholy… The trip can be over now. Of note was the insanely fast comeup, the short duration, the intense mood swings, and the anthropomorphization of everything around me.