Age:20
Weight-120 lbs
Dosage: 50 mg insufflated
Setting: My apartment
Deschloroketamine is a new arylcyclohexamine on the scene (already reportedly being sold as normal ketamine in the UK...), and it's a blast, I'd be stoked if someone gave me this instead of K. Nomenclature is weird. DXE has been thrown around but that's just to market it to be like MXE, that name makes absolutely no sense. DCK would be the most proper abbreviation but like... DCK hehehhe lololol sorry I'm like 12. It is the ketamine molecule (a derivative of PCM (phenyl-cyclohexane-N-Methyl), minus a chlorine. MXE gets the E in its abbreviation from being a PCE analogue, the E indicates an N-Ethyl group. The X in MXE designates the 3-Methoxy group. There is no N-Ethyl or methoxy group in this one. DXE is about as wrong a name as you could give it. DCM is one I think is proper but it hasn't caught on, i doubt itll catch on, and no one will recognize it. I'll just call it desket for short. But i digress.......
I took live notes during this one. They are incoherent. You can read them here:
I tried to incorporate them into the report as best I could but a good chunk of them I just don't remember and a lot of it just isn't even words.
T0:00-Crushed into a fine powder
and insufflated. Stings a little bit.
T0:30-Onset, beginning to feel
the first warm notes of dissociation, a feeling of being underwater and having
warm waves roll over me
T0:40-Warmth begins to wrap
around me. I feel a strange feeling, like its going to level off here. I am
wrong. CEV’s begin to manifest in red and blue patterns. I begin feeling
numbness in my extremities.
T1:00-I feel glued to my bed. It
feels like the lower half of my body is unreeling, that there is a numbness
winding its way up my body. This is a pleasant and welcome sensation, it feels
like I am made of fluffy cotton and having tight bounds removed, so I am free
to puff into the atmosphere at my discretion. Classic dissociative effects come
in, with ataxia, double vision, numbness, and a total collapse of
proprioception. I feel like I am in many many pieces as I have no idea where
anything is in relation to anything else.
T1:10-I feel dizzy and buzzy.
Another classic dissociative effect, more reminiscent of MXE than Ketamine, I
feel like the outlines of my being are vibrating into static, disintegrating
into low-fidelity blurriness. I feel like I am buzzing.
T1:20-I somehow manage to take 2
hits from my gravity bong, to kick this into next gear. Hooo boy. Timestamps
cannot exist for the next bit of time.
Independent movement quickly
becomes a foreign concept as I am rendered more or less catatonic. This is the
warmest and most pleasant drug induced paralysis I’ve ever felt, it feels like
a great warm blanket has been draped over me, immensely heavy but not so much
as to crush me. There is no reason I would want to move, I have been rendered
statuary, both physically and psychologically. This is a big dissociative hug.
I have my laptop on my lap. I
decide I will try to type out live notes of my CEV scapes. I find myself able
to operate my fingers at the very least, but it is extremely difficult. If I am
not looking at them I completely lose track of where they are, and I find my
sense of which hand is left/right crossed many many many times. I’ve fallen
into a dissociative “hole” state, and this is pretty cool. This hole is nothing
like vast empty expanse of the K hole, but rather is strikingly similar to MXE.
It has the same deep intense reds, greens, and blues acting as auras and a
general color palette for this internal world. Similarly to the MXE hole, it is
an experience of mentally generated surreal worlds and scenarios, all
appropriately abstract and highly incomprehensible. These aren’t the coherent
disturbing alternate realities of DXM, simply dreamlike amalgamations borrowing
elements from my conscious world. My notes are unfortunately irredeemably
incoherent at points, but I do recall the feeling of being sprayed in the face
with a great numbing hose, or lying in a raging river and having the rushing
water swirl around me and take my form away.
One visual I remember is the
entire world flattening into ribbons that slid past one another, each adorned
with many blurred violet human silhouettes. It was as if they were film strips
containing a million soulless bodily forms. The other close eyed visuals came
in the form of biomorphic hallucinations, mostly imitating animals that I have
an affinity for. Images of insects, isopods, stingrays, and millipedes paraded
around my exploding mind, all of them being bent and warped in impossible ways
to fit the strange constraints of esoteric patterns that lurked beneath this
rippled reality. I feel like I am being washed over by a raging storm, and it
feels great, it feels awesome. It’s raging benevolence. It’s a tsunami and a
hurricane that simply want to give me a hug. It feels like raging winds are
blowing away the dust of my corporeal form. I try to write these images, but I
am forced to open my eyes every time I want to type. I keep losing track of my
fingers, and they keep losing track of one another.
Waves are a recurring feeling,
ocean waves, washing over me. Each time they wash over me, my form melts and
coalesces to fit the form of the surface of this nonexistent sea. My entire
existence is on a plane that is undulating and splashing about. This feels
immensely and irresistibly cozy. I feel like I have built a psychological
fortress, I have made a castle of soft numbing bricks, this is my safe place,
this is the realm where I have dominion, over an imaginary world, but most
importantly, dominion over myself that I do not feel in my sober life. I spend
a great deal of time hallucinating vivid dream scenarios. I ditch my
anesthetized body and explore the caverns of my mind. In the included notes
there is some vague attempt at mentioning many of these dream sequences.
Honestly though, a great deal of those notes are incoherent and I have
literally 0 memory of them, so I will just leave them be for now. There was a
great deal of scenario/setting shifting however, teleporting me around the city
and taking me to all variety of strange fractal castles. This feels like a
grand carnival, a celebration of my imagination, I am inside a great hexagon,
and a billion geometric forms strive to converge on me. Surreal looking
creatures parade around the rim of my polyhedral world, this is an orgiastic
and slovenly display of ego and rather than ego loss, it seems to be an ego
transplantation, it is moving the ego to a place where it is boundless and
powerful to its own discretion.
2:30-I can read a clock again. I
suppose I am coming down. I feel like I cannot return to my beautiful crystal
hole. But I have more of this stuff. I can always go back :3 I am so tired
though, the sedating effects of this substance are real and heavy. I just want
to sleep, all my limbs feel impossibly heavy and I move in slow motion. I go to
bed at 12 AM. This is absurd for me, I usually go to bed at 4.
Epilogue: Sleep was weird. It
felt like I didn’t sleep at all. I had vividly realistic dreams, not lucid
dreams however, it was like living out movies, being directed by fate and
puppet strings and the hand of god, to perform the most mundane tasks in what
bordered on a fever dream or the sort of scenario projections that strike
whenever I try to sleep after taking deliriants.
I am high the next day. I talk
people’s heads off, the afterglow is typical of any dissociative afterglow, but
I am thankfully spared the short term memory loss.
Conclusion: This stuff is great. New
favorite drug mayhaps, it is a beautiful colorful adventure space like MXE,
where I can to a degree create a world of my own design. This is what I’ve been
pursuing through psychonautics all this time, this is what I’ve pursued my entire
life. I feel like with more trials and more focused meditation I can totally
control this to an omnipotent degree. Flashes of narcissism ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment