antlion

Saturday, November 21, 2020

MPT + DMXE + MXPr

Today I attempted a trial with an oral dose of MPT fumarate, I undershot my dose and opted to do other drugs on top of it and gallivanted around town. I impulsively decided to just write out a report when I got home, it doesn't really contain any useful data and doesn't really serve functional knowledge of these substances, but I thought it would be a fun writing exercise. I churned this out in like an hour and a half I haven't even read it back yet or done proofreading or anything idk, its less in the style of my usual reports and I hope it is at the very least fun or interesting to read or something idk maybe its shit

T0:00- 80 mg of MPT fumarate taken orally in a gel cap. Most others who have explored this compound encountered it in freebase form, whereupon they would smoke it. I didn’t feel like getting out my whole mess of odd devices dedicated to tryptamine smoking and I had the fumarate salt of the tryptamine right here before me- so I just ate my dose, exactly at noon. I have put on just a bit of makeup for the occasion, subtler and less flamboyant than I usually go, though still a tad colorful.  I am lounging in the living room, pacing, anxious as I usually am for a new psychedelic. Psychedelics used to be a world I could tackle headstrong, a world that would tear me asunder and I would yield my innermost flesh to those who would loom and tear and dye and scatter it into the vibrant abyss, I would gleefully surrender myself to their designs. Time after time though, and my body’s declining tolerance for such poisons, sees me more pensive as I approach them. Every time now it’s a game of chicken with my digestive system, a battery of supplements to ensure it stays shut at one end or the other. It wasn’t always like this.

 Nevertheless, I have my report notes template open, my minds eye is squinted at the horizon, ever observant, ever ready to spot something to record like an eager birdwatcher.

 

T0:30- Don't really feel much other than some nausea and discomfort. It's twisting and annoying. Typical.

 

T0:52- Something is definitely here. I feel tense, but tired. I woke up too early today.

 

T1:00- Gentle mental buzz, I smoke a bit of cannabis. There is a strong sensation of differential pressure rising through my body, my head feels a bit more and more distant. No visuals to speak of yet.

I'm reading news online, I'm looking at all sorts of pictures, staring deep into the little details of them, it feels like whatever part of my brain glosses over incoming information for functionality's sake has taken a vacation. I am free to truly look and pick apart.

 

T1:12- I lie down and close my eyes, I feel like a slug, there are visuals lurking in the dark, hazy and indistinct, repeated tracer patterns dancing and waving. Movement in the shadows. This is a quiet tryptamine, or perhaps I have just undershot my dose by quite a bit.

 

T1:20- I almost want to lie asleep. With my eyes closed, red, green, blue lights isolated against great stepped and banded blacks and greys, trickles in the hallucinatory field. I find myself hazy and bored. Occasionally some brighter color weasels its way in, only to get snatched and wrangled back into the flow. It’s apparently lovely outside today.

 

T2:00- After ruminating on nothing for awhile, I call this experiment a wash, I’ll come back with a higher dose next time, whatever, I’m just going to have fun.  60 mg of DMXE straight to the dome, up the nose. Just the way I like it. I love a dissociative glitterbomb.


T2:30- I have been impatiently waiting for my dissociative to kick in, plotting my next move- I have a whole day ahead of me, no responsibilities, or at least ones that I can push to the back for now. I want visual flash, I want eye candy. It trickles in here and there, a hand trying to find its way into a glove. There’s that distinct DMXE rush into my extremities like an eager serpent pouncing into the burrow of its glistening prey. I am warm and intact, I can move as I want and need to. What I would expect from 60 mg of DMXE is here. I think that I want to go outside- more visuals- more flash. I stack something extra.

 

T2:45- I measure and dose 40 mg of MXPr. This should add a spark of color. Or should add something. Not entirely sure. I have such a vast and varied toolkit at my disposal to play with here, most of these combinations are difficult to predict. I mutter around the house making sure I have all the things I intend to bring with me, a dissociative weight sets in, a looming cloud that scatters the pigeons perched at the precipice of my thoughts. They flutter away, and I too flutter from one room to the next, grabbing one object after another, placing others down, stuffing one thing into a pocket, something in a vial, looking in different rooms for another- after about 10 minutes of this tempest I am settled and geared up and ready to go. Black mask on, headphones in, I step into the world of the living.

 

T3:00- Whenever I step outside on a hefty dose of dissociatives, the border between “inside” and outside quickly blurs- there is this sensation of space being split cleanly between a foreground and background. The foreground, that which is immediately before me, my body, what my senses lay upon. The background is everything else, one big flat setpiece propped up to contain the world, elaborately painted wall flats, it makes no difference if they are set as the inside of my house or painted with the sky. The first step is always uncertain too- just how incapacitated am I? Is my walk cycle disjointed? Will I stumble like a drunk? I quickly fall into a rhythm and seem to be able to pass among the populace without attracting undue attention.

It’s a Saturday afternoon, the sky is overcast in one direction, the sun shining in the other. It’s a blazing grey kind of day, and with my chemical adornments that grey gets turned to flashes of iridescence, hanging clouds of labradorite, breathing colors they couldn’t dare reveal to those who hadn’t encoded themselves to this.

It’s such a rush to be around so many odd alien people going about their business. I wonder if I have any goal or direction in my outing here- am I just wandering aimlessly? I think back to conversations with some of my friends I had moved away from recently who have spent their whole lives deep in the rural regions of this vast continent, who have always had nights full of stars and days full of quiet lingering heat and endless seas of green, and to project how they must experience this sudden dense tangle. I want to capture pictures to show them, I want to engross others into this world I have engrossed myself in. I feel like I have a vague mission, I feel like I am in a video game, that I am being directed about this flat virtual world with little consequence. The apartments around me have been rendered in the utmost detail- the designers spared nothing in immersion, even deigning to give each house its own coherent personality through adorning the windows. This is a world created for me, a world I am free to explore, and like any game there are many locked doors and solid walls and physical laws that ensure that some of it will always be hidden from me. It feels like neon glowing panels are forming around me, my legs feel like they are full of liquid that is just barely managing to retain its form. 100gecs blazes through my headphones, inspiring a virtual irreverence for the world around me, I am resigned to being a digital body.

 

All of the buildings around me, the stretches of streets in every direction take on an odd quality like they are but setpieces- perhaps it is a total flattening of my depth perception, but soon there is little sense of scale, every building towers over, consumes all, and then yet gives way to something distant, larger yet smaller simultaneously. There are so many murals and colors and signs and it all turns into one monolith of information, a testament to the continued existence of man slithering the blocks like a snake made of towering walls, a patchwork of paints and glass and plastic and letters and ornate wooden moldings tracing their way along her flanks. The city creaks and leans over me, people stream under the shadows of the tottering and watchful structures of glass and brick and steel and how they must shudder so much from all the shifting and flexing and shivering they do in my vision. The weight of it is so much yet it is nothing at all. It is explosive in its energy, tremendous in is weight, and ultimately displaying a herculean ability to be perfectly still and inert as they are every day of their sober existence. People file through all of this tangle, all masked and anonymous and strange beings on strange days doing strange little things, a veil shimmers between me and them, something just barely discernible keeps my breath from intermingling with theirs in a way that could identify us both as the same species. I am an avatar, a projection, a simulacrum of myself, a machine with MPT and MXPr and MXE as the fuel lines pulsing through its veins, glazing over this world anointing me as the protagonist. As far as I know at least.

 

T3:24- I find myself on a bridge over the highway with some large benches and planters where I can hide away. I smoke a couple hits from my cannabis one hitter as I gaze into the clouds, the clouds now pulsing and rippling and coughing off phantom iridescent tracers that sneak away into the great blue sky. A little secret between them and me, quiet and subtle, a wink from the gossamer theatrical backdrop. I am tripping for certain now. The bricks of the building around me pulse and send off ripples of dull violets and yellows and lulling ocean blues. The grates in the fence before me twist among each other, intersect and cross and form an elaborate woven checkerboard flashing in deep red and yellow. I am so glad I am wearing a mask. What a delightful norm. I unplug my headphones and take in the ambient sounds for a bit- the sounds of the highway ripple and echo and reverberate, they shake the sky rhythmically, noisy unwanted pulses of sound that will take their time and tread through the air unabated, they find home with my auditory neurons, taking their hand in harmony and dancing and dancing and reverberating and reverberating in revelry, vibrating away into nothing.

I eventually get up and probe northwards, a sudden wind at my back, a wind of prisms and glassy polyhedrons, bounding and tumbling and tripping over each other just to nudge me forward on my way up the street, the sun catches the grass in its glassiest light, it swoons over the towers across the lawn next to me, it sits and touches fingertips with each of the bare branches of the trees and frames the bright orange and yellow and blue graffiti throwies on the wall nearby like a parent pinning their child’s art to the fridge. I walk onwards and notice when I stop at a stoplight- I really stop- I melt, instantly, and vaporize, instantly, there is just a phantom waiting at the light, a breath with nothing for the air to go into, an empty hoodie. I stand so still I cannot imagine moving again. In motion again I am so taken with momentum that I cannot imagine being still. The afternoon sun casts on everything, it is glory and I am a scion to its ribbons of colored light. I meander my way back to my house, wary of my gait which I feel is  becoming increasingly more askew.

I end up in the historical area of the city- the places originally stolen and settled and developed by European colonists however long ago, before the spread to the surrounding areas. Much of the sidewalk and asphalt gives way to brickwork and cobbles, an exciting challenge for my gelatinized feet. I feel like I can see down the entire length of every block, like I can see the curvature of the earth. I can see forever and I can see all the intimate details of everything right up against me, it Is so much information to take in at once, it’s dizzying and adorned with additional virtual information courtesy of the chemicals raging through my receptors. I meander home without event and exasperatedly burst through the door.

 

T4:30- I quickly am inclined to turn the space into as comfortable a space as can possibly be, a big wide bed, a speaker with gentle bassy notes, I am in a world of pleasure, of reeling visuals and self-transforming diaphanous forms encasing me in various polyhedral, gentle and soothing but with a jolt in their veins. I devolve into thinking about memories, into piecing together memories of the last few weeks, of how odd time has become to me and how things are beginning to blend together and lose their sense of sequence and consequence. Though I originally opted to splay out on my bed and melt into whatever this experience still had to offer, I find myself making a calendar to track my drug use across the last 3 weeks, poring through pictures and conversations to build a coherent timeline of what I used when. Perhaps this will serve me well into the future? By the time I’m done, it seems the experience is done too- It was like a date, the room set up all romantic, the bed laid out ready with rose petals, my chemical lover slithering up to my side, only for me to say “wait!” and grab my laptop and do this extremely pressing task, the lover rolling their eyes before packing their things and retreating into the now-afternoon darkness. Oh well. Maybe I got something useful out of this.

 

T7:00- I am back to normal. 

 


Thursday, November 19, 2020

DMXE

 Age: 25

Weight: 130 lbs

Dosage: 70 mg intranasal

Setting: My house

 

Preface:

For the impatient seeking one answer: Is this like MXE? In some ways yes, but it is hardly a perfect imitation. It is in fact something delightful and exciting entirely of its own and certainly worthwhile to explore further. If one liked MXE, they will probably enjoy this substance a lot, but they shouldn’t expect to feel exactly that long gone MXE feeling they are craving.

 

 DMXE is the marketing name for 3-Me-2’-Oxo-PCE, the D denoting “desoxy”, a fairly obscure nomenclature for an absence of the methoxy group (think deschloro in deschloroketamine). While I am slightly irked at the defiance of the arylcyclohexylamine naming conventions, I know the market drives these things and any semblance to MXE is a major promotional point. DMXE as it is known, is an interesting and exciting compound in its own right, comparisons notwithstanding. I worked my way up from a 20 mg dose initially, this proved to be a threshold dose, just barely discernible. I was able to go out grocery shopping, with little more than some stimulation, an elevated mood, a spring in my step, and some light visuals. At 50 mg, it had echoes of a party dissociative: A rushing euphoria, bubbly sociality, and a physical disinhibition that made each movement feel like dance steps in a divine circus. Past there is the dose that is written of in the following report.

 

T0:00- Dose taken intranasally, burns a little though mostly by virtue of the quantity of powder, otherwise it is very manageable. Slight bitter flavor but not overwhelming and the discomfort fades quickly. Overall, pretty benign.

 

T0:10- I am hanging out with my partner in the living room as they get ready for bed. I soon feel the onset, just a sense of lightheadedness and dizziness. There is a bit of a drip but it too is entirely manageable.

 

T0:15- Already feeling more dissociated than I expected. It's coming on fast, I feel goopy and sweaty and droopy, dizzy, motor skills inhibited, bright and gummy. There is a distinct stimulating rush, and I can feel my thoughts become more disoriented by the second.

Open eyed visuals begin presenting as patterns on mottled surfaces, dull flashes of radiating colors in repetitive gridded patterns. A sinking dissociation sets in from the crown of my head and flows down my body, encircling me like a glowing blue halo and pulsing down the length of me. My partner is still awake and we are still interacting, I go up and down the stairs to talk to them, but I find it becoming increasingly difficult.

 

T0:20- I am looking at and appreciating all of my pet bugs, from the iridescent Fiery Searcher beetle, to my two scorpions, to my large millipedes to my massive wolf spider and fishing spider. We sit together and fawn over them and appreciate them and poke around with them, it feels so good to do this, it feels like the sun is shining over me. There are creatures that I love and I’m with someone I love so much and there is this wonderful fiery euphoria slowly welling up through me as my head grows dizzier and my extremities feel number and harder to control and as brighter flashing visuals begin to seep into my periphery. Wow how it comes on with such boisterous energy!

I am still quite sociable but I find myself tripping over words or forgetting them or losing my train of thought more and more. I feel loose and sweaty, bright and flowy, delightfully disinhibited with my limbs flopping about in ways I don’t expect. On my computer screen are bright and gentle visuals that fill me with a delighted sensation, series of quadrilaterals in offset patterns, rippling and radiating with concentric pulses of color. Still dull though, and still just an afterthought for when my eyes settle in one spot.

 

T0:30- I would say I am functional, but still deeply altered. I feel like I’m in the riffle of a rushing stream, if the water was replaced by tightly wound braids of flowing rope. There is energy coursing around me but it is tight and not fluid, like how it must feel to fall through a dense mass of suspended cords. My head is light and dizzy and I still feel distant and cast out from the world around me, it’s that lovely warm familiar dissociatives lightheadedness that sends ripples and pulses down my entire body, that tingling numbness at the surface of my skin and furthest extremities.

I am at this point dancing around the living room, it feels so good to dance and to move, I wish this drug existed when I was still going to parties or living at a music venue house. I feel uninhibited in how I want to move, I am tumbling and rolling and prancing about rhythmically. There’s a childlike sense of wonder, I feel like I am just playing around completely unencumbered by the stresses of being an adult. I am still lucid and can hold a conversation. I want to flop around the walls and floor and hold my body in strange poses and contort myself and becoming this flowing being of rhythmic energy. This would be fun for playing around in the seclusion of a forest with my friends, where we could all be wildly dancing and climbing and rolling and falling and wrestling and laughing as the bouquets of bright visuals dazzle the skies overhead. Moving just feels so good, it gives me such pleasure. It is certainly manic, but not to the degree of the typical “manic dissociatives”.

The floppiness and looseness of my limbs before has given way to this sense that I know exactly where all of my muscles are at all times, that I can perfectly control them even to the point of compensating for their momentum. It feels almost superhuman, to be able to utilize my body in such a way. One could see it as almost enhanced proprioception, certainly an odd thing to consider for an NMDAr antagonist. It all makes me so happy, its all such a delightful and welcome rush. I bid my partner goodnight before settling down on the downstairs couch.

 

T0:40- I am now splayed out on the couch, catching my breath. I can feel my limbs melt into the cushions. My pounding heart sends pulses through me, each thump reorienting me with body’s presence. I look up to the ceiling and am greeted with a rippled pattern like waves breaking the shore, but the ripples are glittering, gossamer and holographic. This lovely little river glows on my ceiling for a bit. I begin to wonder if this is all there is to it- just a rush and some pretty sparkly visuals with just enough physical dissociation to wobble around.

But then the cracks begin to show- what was once little steaming fissure in the earth is beginning to crack open to reveal something glowing and fiery.

 

T0:50- The great cavalry charge of this drug has mustered its forces and descends on my mind- Coming up was a pleasant rush, but now comes a second wave of energy- though overall still relatively gentle and very pleasant. I feel like I am being soaked in a torrent- sounds around me begin to reverberate ever so slightly, their waves bubbling to the surface of an iridescent pond. There is a sudden sense of being sucked into myself, like my skin and flesh are being pulled into my bones and turning me inside out, and while this sounds alarming I found the sensation to be pleasant and exhilarating. I feel smaller and more compact than I really am.

With my eyes open, the visuals are dominated with a field of interlocking hexagons, flashing in bright turquoise and pink. It looks and feels like everything is melting, a glowing polychrome ice cream losing its form under a neon summer sun. Sudden flashes of patches of color sweep and dot their way across my field of vision like brushstrokes from a timorous artist.

Sitting in the dark it feels like no world exists beyond the glow of my computer, it feels like objects are floating and swirling around my head like I am telekinetic. Each keystroke so precise, each thing exactly where it needs to be. My notes are entirely coherent and typo-free, unlike the peak of many other dissociatives. There is a colorful fire through my nerves. The darkness is adorned with a neon brickwork of tessellated shapes, projected in a sphere around me. My own personal hallucinatory office. little indiscernible forms in translucent blue and pink dash and dance across my screen but begin to trace and duplicate and repeat in a radiant fashion when I pay them enough heed, blossoming into ever yet more intricate and beautiful forms. I am floating down a river on my back, eyes towards the dark tranquil sky with bands of shimmering stars, cascades of flower petals floating around me. The effects creep and hit me with a steady rhythm, the heartbeat of a moon in an unfamiliar realm. While all these images sound clear and vivid, they were ultimately ephemeral, translucent, faint imaginings.

 

T1:00- I step outside quickly to smoke a hit of cannabis. The sky glows above. This feels like pouring a bit of a pleasant sauce onto the experience, just enough to be discernible but ultimately dominated by the other flavors. I go back inside and decide to kick back in the dark and plug in my headphones and put on one of my favorite albums, An Abundance of Strawberries by Julia Brown. I lie back and nuzzle into the couch, the only lights in the room coming from various electronics. Like lonely stars in a vast deep blue space

All sorts of familiar sensations begin to overtake me as I close my eyes and sink into the burgeoning music- a tangle of great plush hands forming from their perfectly designated holes in the void, carefully and gently taking hold of me, warm, with a gentle pulse like a heartbeat, and immaculately soft. They expand and envelop me entirely, their borders ringed with neon, before forming back into the same spherical tessellated bubble I was immersed in with my eyes open- only now, more vivid, more detailed, intricate 3 dimensional stepped patterns adorn the surfaces and a soft glow emits from between the tiles. There is a sudden sense of rapid motion as the bubble gives way to just my naked disembodied consciousness as it soars through tunnels of overlapping shingled petals, steadily opening and blossoming outwards into an ornate floret, opening towards a dazzling light. I am soon zooming past tiles of flashing prismatic colors and grand hallways and cathedrals of striped and concentric lights. I feel like my body has turned to putty and is being bent and turned and compressed in ways it is not meant to be, but it is all  so soft and it this all feels so pleasant. I find myself twisting through tight tubes and tunnels that compress me to their shape, their pulsing iridescent lines like the cilia of a Ctenophore steadily pulling me forward.

As each song changes, so too does the color palette of this hallucinatory roller coaster, though they are all dominated by large flushes of blues and violets/pinks. The journey glistens with sparkling white forms, iridescent skies, colorful pulsing veins of neon, all cast in shining shadow with no discernible source, all in the dimness one would expect from a nightclub. There is a constant sense of blossoming, of things bursting open and yielding new spaces, new lights and new paths to travel.

Eventually though, it loses its novelty. I have not really been thinking too deeply, not been engaging with this comfortable self, it’s just been an exhilarating ride and not much more. But I have certainly loved the ride and cherished the euphoria of this experience. It’s almost eye candy of sorts, but perhaps I haven’t yet plumbed its full depths. Nonetheless, it feels uplifting, lovely and mentally stimulating, not a sort of fake chemical happiness but a more profound contentment. I do find myself getting bored, perhaps a bit impatient even and eventually decide to turn off the music and open my eyes again.

I am greeted by the same darkness as before, the same twinkling little lights, a deafening sense of quiet where the ambient sounds in the room begin to reverberate and trail off. There is such a weight to this silence and darkness as opposed to the cascades of vibrant colors I had been immersed in moments ago. It takes me a second to adjust. I feel dazed, I see dull prismatic forms pattern their way across the darkness and extrude from surfaces.

At one point my computer randomly glitches and shuts down entirely (A classic ‘Blue Screen of Death’, thank god I have been saving my notes document regularly)- there is a shock of dark and quiet, I am alone in the night again. I am lucid enough to look up what went wrong with my laptop exactly and amend the issue. The darkness and silence was tense and swallowing, it felt like a great violet predator stalking me in the darkness, its crystalline eyes watching my every move, its velveteen body tensed, but ultimately it was content to simply watch and I was ultimately at peace with the shadow’s presence.

 

T1:30- I am back in the world of the earth and its soil and the walls of the buildings around me. Where there are odd little ambient noises that don’t drive the experience forward quite like the music did. I am back to recording notes onto my laptop which is resting on my belly. It feels like I am typing right through it, like each keystroke is hitting my body directly, like the laptop’s shape is molded to fit the form of my abdomen. The white text on my screen takes on the quality of a topographical map, the various letters extruding or receding at various levels to create a mountainous relief that my eyes slowly drift over. I find myself remarkably lucid, with a remarkably competent amount of fine motor control, and can operate the device with ease, despite the visual distortions. It seems as though I can pull myself in and out of the deep chasms of this experience at will.

I start to chat with some friends on discord, talking about various psychonautics related projects we’re working on and other drug related things. Conversation flows freely and easily, and I find a great deal of comfort in talking to someone illuminated by just the glow of my computer screen. It once again feels like I am in a world confined only to the space it illuminates, that my thoughts and images are suspended in the air around me. I feel articulate, like I can easily fetch thoughts and efficiently turn them into coherent words. I feel so chatty, I want to talk to everyone, the euphoria wells through me. The world beyond my glow is just a deep sinking space, an endless universe of constellations, cascading through the darkness as fields of glitter, tracing around my personal luminous bubble.

 

T1:50- Feeling floaty and dazed, though my brain feels like a glowing beacon of acuity, cutting through it all. There is less stimulation than before and I am content to sit perfectly still. I can still close my eyes and be greeted by a field of bright moving visuals, though they are less distinct than before. There is much more sensation of the presence of my body at this point. My motor control feels almost back to baseline. Open eyed visuals still dance and play in the dark, though it feels like my luminous bubble is gently fading to the normal world where dark and light coexist as one. There is a pleasurable weight and momentum in my limbs at this point and a delightful lightheadedness.

 

T2:30- This comedown is steady and very psychedelic, very conducive to thinking and reading. At this point much of the effects have receded and I am basking in a warm colorful afterglow. Open eyed visuals still blink and dance and pulse their way across my screen and through the darkness. Closed eyed visuals have for the most part receded. I have gained back most of my body save for a bit of residual numbness in my extremities. Mentally, I feel distant but also intensely focused. I find myself falling into reading Wikipedia holes- an article about the online drug trade, a deep hole on the history of bitcoin, and eventually a long delve through the story of Paul Le Roux, a notorious hacker turned international criminal kingpin turned informant who had his hands in almost every black market imaginable and wielded immense power. It’s an interesting story to read and ponder, and the remains of the DMXE in my neurons makes the reading experience all the more engaging and immersive.

 

T3:30- I am sadly, almost entirely back to baseline. The cognitive effects still linger for a bit but they are hardly discernible by now. I smoke a bit more cannabis but it fails to bring much back into the experience, I am mostly just stoned. Oh how I wish this lasted longer.

 

T4:30- I am fully back to baseline by now. I go to bed without much issue.

 

Conclusion: Oh what a lovely substance! There is so much this drug has to offer and I am excited to see it explored further. I will start with the negatives though, and I can only think of two- the short duration and the high dosage. Perhaps another to note is that there wasn’t much depth or introspection to the experience at its peak, though sometimes I do just want to have fun, it doesn’t always need to be profound, and perhaps higher doses or different settings would prove different. This sets it apart from the predecessor it is named for, good ol’ MXE, but enough of that, DMXE is something special in its own right. It is colorful and visual, stimulating and psychedelic, pleasant to the body and disinhibiting without being entirely incapacitating, just a bit manic and quite bubbly and sociable. There is something of a hole though it is largely functional and lucid- pushing doses higher though may yield something even more powerful and spectacular. Low doses are euphoric and fiery and electric, this would make such an excellent party drug (in which case the short duration may in fact be a virtue). This would probably shine in combinations, perhaps something like 3-MeO-PCP or 3-MeO-PCE to drag the experience out a little longer. The visual space is characterized by blues and pinks and violets in tessellated patterns, and with eyes closed there is a distinct sense of motion and blossoming or radiating. I found myself able to pull myself out of the dark space easily though and retain much of my lucidity. The comeup is a euphoric rush, sociable and manic and distinctly warm and energetic. The peak adorned with fields of dark visuals with flashes of light, lucid but able to turn into something of a hole if a user lets themself sink into it. The comedown is gentle, warm, euphoric, mentally stimulating and psychedelic. Overall this is a drug that has so many pleasant qualities to its name, it is interesting, fun and ultimately a very worthwhile compound for any psychonaut, particularly a fan of other dissociatives.

O-DSMT

 Age: 25

Weight: 130 lbs

Dosage: 75 mg oral in gel cap + 30 mg oral

Setting: At the park, my house

 

Preface: I am frankly not too experienced in the world of opioids, but I had the opportunity to obtain and try this fairly popular rc opioid. Tramadol itself is a unique opioid for its nonselective receptor activity, acting as a SNRI and 5HT2c antagonist. This yields a fairly unique experience with similarly unique and potentially dangerous interactions with other substances. O-DSMT lacks the serotonin reuptake inhibition that Tramadol has, but retains the norepinephrine reuptake inhibition, which yields a unique stimulating effect. This is opposed to most of the classical opioids, especially those that are structural analogues of morphine, which primarily act as mu-opioid agonists. I was to meet up with a friend who was much more experienced in the world of opioids to hang out for a bit, then I had the rest of the day to myself.

 

T0:00- Dose taken in gel cap.

 

T0:30- Not feeling much yet- a sort of faintness, a faded warmth in my body, a sense that my mind has become slower and duller, though it may be placebo. The sun shines and wanes through dappled cloud cover on this mostly overcast day. I disembark from my house to meet my friend down near the park. I have weighed out a 30 mg booster dose in case my 75 mg is not enough.

 

T0:40- Walking outside seems to suppress what little effects I was feeling. I am definitely off baseline however- the shining sun feels especially distant, the November air feels pensive on my outer layers. We link up near the park- an abandoned pier that had been remodeled into a green space.

My friend is quite experienced with opioids and has a particular affinity for O-DSMT. He informs me that I am yet to experience the peak effects, that there is a long slow comeup before I should begin to really feel the opioid effects. We hang out on the pier and talk about drugs and such. I am continuously taking hits of cannabis from my one hitter. Socializing feels normal, I am perhaps a bit chattier than usual despite feeling slower in my head, but it otherwise feels fairly standard. He says my pupils have contracted quite a bit though it is not too visible on my dark irises.

 

T1:30- We walk back to his car. We were maybe going to arrange a pickup of some PCP but it fell through. I wait and look at my phone, all of the information contained within feels overwhelming right now and brings me no joy, I don’t have much desire to engage with it.

 

T1:45- I get a short ride back to my house. I decide to redose- opening the capsule up so it hits faster. I don’t have water or anything to choke it down however and end up spilling a lot of the powder into my mouth. He tells me it has a really interesting and unique flavor, which I soon experience firsthand- initially the biting terrible bitterness that one would expect from any drug- though after a minute or two this gives way to an odd sort of cold sweetness, not unpleasant at all, reminiscent of the light powdery flavor of stevia. What a curious sensation. I begin to feel stronger effects kick in, stronger physical sedation and a bit of a nervous energy in my bones. I don’t think the redose has landed yet, it’s just the first dose coincidentally peaking at this moment.

 

T1:50- Walking back to my front door and it feels like the effects are surging. I feel heavier and slower, I just want to get there and get inside. A deep itching sensation begins to creep through my body- I just want to go indoors and be alone and in private and roll around on something soft and scratch at myself.

 

T2:00- I am inside now and definitely awash in it. There is a deep-set itching all through my body, but scratching at myself feel so good. It’s not localized to anywhere- it’s on my face, my scalp, all over my torso and up and down my arms and legs. A deeply euphoric physical sensation traces its way across my body too. Stretching out and nuzzling around on a soft surface feels so good, it is such a curious interplay of discomfort and pleasure. I wish I could just be kneaded into myself like a ball of clay, smeared and crushed around. I spend the next hour rubbing around, tearing at myself, reading things on the internet and listening to music loudly and taking in all of these new sensations. I hit a THC vape. There has been a remarkable lack of nausea thusfar, though I have no appetite despite eating nothing so far today.

 

T3:00- The sensations press heavier, the sedation, the waves of subtle pleasure in my muscles, the itching, it bears down more and more. I find myself catching a bit of a nod, the sensation of having an opioid’s sedation wash over a user, leaving them dazed and immobile. My eyelids are heavy and continually drift shut, and I find myself caught in a timeless daze, blissfully unaware of the world around me. In this city it is common to see people who have hit the point of being overwhelmed with the sedation, condemned to collapse and fold up wherever they’re sitting or even standing, at the mercy of opioid bliss. I certainly haven’t reached that point yet and didn’t want to push doses on a first experience, though I can easily imagine now how one can so suddenly and easily sink away from the world. I am able to open my eyes and yank myself out- it feels like suddenly waking up, or breaking out of a dissociative hole, there is a jolt and a sense of sudden blinding brightness when I open my eyes to the world. There is little desire to be in touch with the world around me though- I am content to sink and drift away. The continual itching keeps me anchored in my body.

 

T3:30- I take a bit of loratadine to try and counter the itching (I would have potentially opted for DPH but I didn’t feel like dealing with the drowsiness as it is only early afternoon).

 

T4:00- I need to run out and get produce from a nearby market before it closes. I reluctantly pull my body together, throw on some warm layers, and go for a brisk walk outside, if only to know that I will soon be rewarded by being able to stretch out on the couch again. Walking outside feels fairly normal, and I hope my constant scratching doesn’t draw too much attention to me. Notably, my face feels particularly sensitive- wherever my hair or mask or hat or clothes seem to chafe in the slightest explodes into a burning itch of the utmost urgency. I awkwardly pace the block to find an ATM to draw cash from before stopping by the produce stand- interactions are awkward and cold, I feel robotic and out of place and just want to get it over with. I just want to be back inside.

 

T4:20- I finally get back inside and have a sudden rush of energy. I put away all the produce and quickly do some household chores like washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen up a bit. I collapse back on the couch afterwards, still itching, still nodding and drifting off. At this point I am nervous that I am going to break skin and scratch myself raw, I am constantly and consistently tearing at myself, this would be so pleasant were it not for that.

 

T4:30- I go into my backyard and smoke a joint, half regular weed and half CBD-only hemp flower. I still haven’t eaten yet today and this stimulates my appetite a bit. I am able to make and eat a bunch of dense greasy food without issue. Even sitting there and enjoying my food I catch myself nodding a bit, if I blink there’s an urge to just keep my eyes shut and drift off. I wish the itching would stop.

 

T5:00- I’m feeling genuinely drowsy by this point and lay down to take a nap. It’s hard to be comfortable with all the itching, especially as the pleasurable physical sensations begin to recede. My partner comes home from work. I stay in bed, I try to sleep but it feels more like I am still just nodding, still just drifting off into some blissful space absent of thought or feeling. I take a single 25 mg dose of DPH to try and quash the itching, though it ultimately does nothing.

 

T6:30- I am not sure if I actually fell asleep at any point but it feels as though time has passed a little faster. Still itching, still uncomfortable. I hang out with my partner for a while. I feel slow and dazed but otherwise normal.

 

T9:30- Smoke some more cannabis and eat a big dinner. By now the only sensation that remains is the itching.

 

T14:00- I take a hot shower. I feel drowsy again, and still, only the itching remains. I tear at my skin and scratch a lot and take another 25 mg dose of DPH before going to sleep. I fall asleep quickly without issue. All effects have subsided by the time I wake up the next day.

 

Conclusion: Perhaps it wasn’t good to dive into this class of drugs for what is ultimately a fairly non-standard experience from a non-standard substance. Ultimately, all pleasant and positive effects were overcome with the constant itching, deep and under my skin. It bordered on hellish at points. There wasn’t much euphoria to speak of, but there certainly was a warm pleasurable sensation running through my body at points, and a certain timeless careless bliss to letting my eyes drift shut and letting myself drift off. I would be interested in seeing the effects of other opioids of better repute, though this certainly was an interesting experience to record. I am doubtful if I will delve into this particular substance again.

 

 

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Beyond MXE

(This was originally just a reddit post but I am sharing it here for posterity)

People talk about MXE in the forlorn terms they would discuss a former lover, or an immense fish that had just eluded their grasp after hours of fighting.

And its no wonder! I was fortunate to catch MXE at the tail end of its existence, fairly early on in my psychonautic career. It was the first dissociative I had tried after the standard DXM/Ketamine. It was miraculous to me, that a chemical could make me feel this way, that a single substance could do so much and go so far. And this was with the 2015 china batches, not even the mythical pre-ban UK stuff that had driven the drug's popularity. Nonetheless, it shaded my later explorations into the world of dissociatives and I, like many, found myself chasing that same experience with other substances. But perhaps this has been in folly- I believe there is a lot more that the world of dissociatives has to offer and we are limiting ourselves in our dedication to this single compound.

So what made MXE so great? Drawing from memories 5 years ago and the bit of experiences I racked up before it was gone forever, it was insightful, introspective, extremely euphoric, bright and visual with a deep and spectacular hole at higher doses, and a lovely sociable stimulation at lower doses. It was firmly hallucinogenic, had a psychedelic edge that many dissociatives were lacking, and most of all it was versatile- a colorful and fabulous party or club drug, great for dancing or hanging out, but with seemingly endless depth if you wanted to push your doses higher and meditate in its grand cathedral sans body. Most of all, was a quality many users describe as “magic”- that sense of wonder you get when you take it, the rush and the thrill and a sensation that “yes”, this is right, this is exactly where you need to be. It almost brought me to tears. Because few other novel dissociatives were available concurrently with MXE, I did not have much opportunity to see how it fared in combination with other dissos.

Since its untimely demise, the novel psychoactive substance market has attempted many times to capitalize on its mythical status- a number of drugs that have been developed since then were advertised in terms of their similarity to MXE, oftentimes with nonsensical naming conventions in an attempt to draw that association. Here’s my brief summary and comparison of a number of them

Something else that has stood out about MXE is its near-universal appeal- while not everyone loved it, a significant amount of people did. Perhaps it was this consistency that built such a strong reputation for it. Opinions on many of these other compounds vary wildly, some finding certain ones boring or uncomfortable which others find exciting or even use as a drug of choice. So take my opinions with a grain of salt here and delve into others' experiences.


-MXM (Methoxmetamine, 3-MeO-2’-Oxo-PCM): This doesn’t really count, as it existed concurrently with MXE. It probably didn’t catch on as it was overshadowed by its more potent and widely available PCE homologue. It always had limited availability and disappeared entirely from the market around the same time MXE did. Nonetheless, out of all the compounds in this post, this one probably came the closest to the real deal in terms of effects. I admittedly had limited experience, and only tried it in high doses, but the hole carried that same rush, that same sense of wonder and euphoria. It dosed higher- with desired effects coming in at 70 mg. It only worked sublingual or oral too, which may have drained some of its appeal. Still, beggars can’t be choosers, if this one had come onto the scene a year later than it did perhaps it would’ve caught on more. I think it’s certainly worth revisiting.


-MXP (Methoxphenidine, 2-MeO-Diphenidine): Also doesn’t count, for a number of reasons- it also existed at the same time as MXE, and it’s not even an arylcyclohexylamine. Nonetheless, its name has led to a great deal of confusion. I don’t even think it was intended as an MXE mimic, MXP just seemed like the natural way to abbreviate Methoxphenidine. It wasn’t the same at all- only dosed orally and very high, had a neutral buzzing sinking hole, functional to a degree but oddly sedating too. A unique and fun drug, but not anything like MXE. Also had an odd tolerance buildup and gave a week long cross tolerance to other dissociatives.


-DCK (Deschloroketamine, 2’-Oxo-PCM): This first popped up on the market shortly after MXE’s demise. All of its naming conventions bother me- first they tried to run with “DXE”, the only thing this molecule has in common with MXE is that they are arylcyclohexylamines. I’m glad that name didn’t stick. Even the DCK name is misleading, as ketamine is defined by its presence of a chlorine and oxygen. O-PCM would be a fine name for this one, but I digress. This one was cognitively quite similar to MXE at hole doses- the hole had a similar rush, a similar magic, a similar degree of visuals and intensity. DCK however is significantly more sedating, with a lazy draining couch lock in the hole that persists as an irritating immobility after the effects wear off, a feeling of haven just woken up, but lasting for hours. At lower doses it is more like low doses of regular ketamine, once again lacking a lot of the stimulation and vibrancy of MXE. It became an appealing drug in its own right eventually, suffered a hiatus, but made a comeback recently.


There was a lull in the development of MXE-like drugs for a few years, with lots of fun variations into different arylcyclohexylamines that would help establish a lexicon for which substitutions accomplished which effects- we were blessed with mass market availability of compounds like 3-MeO-PCE, O-PCE, 3-HO-PCE, 3-HO-PCP, and 2F-DCK. Rumors abounded of “HXE”, a 3-HO-2’-Oxo-PCE, which makes perfect sense as a supposedly interesting compound from a design standpoint, though it seems very few have actually been able to experience it. Then in 2019, interest in chasing the “next MXE” suddenly ratcheted back up, with the idea to place the “MXE substitutions” (that being the combined 3-MeO-2’-Oxo moieties) on other base compounds. The first one, seen in late 2019, was MXPr.


-MXPr (Methoxpropamine, 3-MeO-2’-Oxo-PCPr): This was the first PCPr compound seen on the market. Strapping the MXE substitutions to it seemed like a pretty safe bet to delve into this new base structure, though other substitutions on PCPr are certainly active in vitro. Being billed as the next MXE, MXPr was found to be ultimately disappointing to many. It has a short duration, a shallow headspace, and doses pretty high. Nonetheless, I found it to be remarkably visual in proportion to its other effects. It had a dull comedown that left me feeling dazed and useless, not particularly exciting. It really shined in combination with other substances however, adding extra dissociation and color so long as the other compound had sufficient stimulant properties. It is particularly miraculous when combined with 3-MeO-PCE.


-MXiPr(Methoxisopropamine, 3-MeO-2’-Oxo-PCPr): Like MXPr, this was the first compound to hit the market based on the PCiPr structure, another one that offers a potentially interesting base for other compounds. As the name implied, it has also been billed as “the next MXE”, and has proven to be a unique and interesting compound in its own right. At high doses, the hole is delightful, colorful, euphoric and exhilarating and quite stimulating, and might I even say ‘magical’. The comedown is stimulating and psychedelic. It has a shorter duration and higher dose than MXE however, and at lower doses it is fairly uninteresting and lacking in energy.


-DMXE (Deoxymethoxetamine, 3-Me-2’-Oxo-PCE): Another silly name. Call it Methyloxetamine if you really need to, like MeXE idk, its good to stick to conventions. That aside, this has proven to be one of the more exciting compounds to come out since 2019, I’m currently drafting a report. I finished the report! What MXiPr lacks in stimulating euphoria and rush, this drug has in spades. Lower doses are fun, dancey, active, social and exciting. Higher doses can allow you to sink into a hole though it remains fairly functional otherwise. The comedown is similarly stimulating and psychedelic and pleasant. It lacks the weight and vivid intensity of MXE but is a thrill in its own special way. My only gripes are the fairly high dosage, close to that of MXPr and MXiPr, and the short duration, also similar to aforementioned compounds. I would say this is the closest to actual MXE of the compounds that have been developed since its demise.


I have not yet had the opportunity to try either DMXE or MXiPr in combination with other drugs. I’m a busy bug.



So there our quest should end, many of the structural analogues to MXE have been exhausted and there are new horizons to look towards as far as dissociative development is concerned. Perhaps we should not be chasing this high anymore, but looking for new and exciting effects in the world of dissociatives- perhaps something more miraculous, more magical and exciting and potentially even useful and therapeutic is hiding out there, waiting to be discovered.

There’s three directions we can go- We have now demonstrated that we can reliably predict how modifications at the nitrogen are active, how various substitutions will remain active, and how various alterations of the aromatic ring remain active. I wrote a whole long thing about this, but I’ll summarize some of what I think is most relevant.

In altering the amine- We know that everything from a methyl through various butyl alterations are active and interesting, especially thanks to the development of MXPr and MXiPr. Various ring structures are interesting too- from PCPy to PCMo or perhaps a PCTMo. Riskier attempts can be made with the poorly studied alkoxyamines, (pretty much just your basic carbon chain with an oxygen stuck in there somewhere). An allyl also remains active. From here, you can strap on all sorts of the familiar proven substitutions and modifications (eg. 3-Me, 3-MeO, 4-MeO, 3-HO, 3-F, 3-Cl, 2’-Oxo), to attain a plethora of possible effects. The possibilities are really endless and restricted by synthesis! The closer it is to a familiar structure (Say, 3-MeO-PCM, or 3-HO-PCPr), the more predictable it is that the compound will be active, interesting, and sufficiently potent. I personally would love to see 3-MeO-PCM, 3-MeO-PCiPr, 3-Cl-PCE and 3-Me-PCE to start with, though more exciting and “out there” variations would be lovely to see too.

In playing around with substitutions- I rattled off some of the tried and true options- 3-Me, 3-MeO, 4-MeO, 3-HO, 3-F, 3-Cl, 2’-Oxo, alone or in combination (among some other more obscure ones that may work), but perhaps it’s time to try new substitutions, on a more familiar base, such as PCP or PCE. You can take that familiar alkane chain and seemingly keep expanding it, though you lose some potency as it gets bigger. So this would be -Et, -Pr, iPr, -EtO, -PrO and iPrO substitutions. Other possible options are thioalkanes, (say an MeO group with a sulfur instead of the oxygen), or halogens- F- and Cl- have been demonstrated to be active, how would a Br or I behave? The most activity and potency is retained with substitutions on the 3- position of the aromatic ring. On the cyclohexane, any variety of substitutions may help or hurt- its not entirely known yet. Meanwhile, if the amine is a ring structure, that can also see substitutions, which appear most effective on the carbon furthest from the nitrogen, in the case of PCP that would be the 4 position.

Lastly, you can swap in various aromatic rings in place of the usual phenyl- a thiophene actually increases potency, Yielding the TCx family of compounds. Perhaps a furan or a benzyl group would work too.

Here are a number of examples of possible interesting compounds to potentially investigate.


The thing is, we really don’t know what will be active until we try, the possibilities are truly endless and so many dissociatives are unique and amazing in their own right without having to have their designed constrained by their similarity to the legendary MXE. Perhaps it has gone to rest to leave us to come up with something better after all~

Monday, November 2, 2020

MXiPr

Age: 25

Weight: 130 lbs

Dosage: 60 mg intranasal

Setting: My house

 

T0:00- Take my dose intranasally- it’s a large pile of light, chalky powder that I am not able to take down in one go. The odor is reminiscent of sour plastic and burning rubber and it stings briefly upon contact, though this quickly retreats instead of smoldering and lingering. There is an unpleasant initial shock and a lingering light discomfort, though it is for the most part tolerable and the discomfort quickly fades until the drip sets in.

 

T0:08- Onset, a dizziness and numbness in my extremities, typical of any dissociative at even light doses. Nothing to indicate what is yet to come.

 

T0:13- The drip tastes bad but its running it course. The experience builds, flashing neon veins crackling up my limbs and seeping into my bones. I can feel the anesthesia sink from my skin deeper and deeper into my flesh, from my extremities up my limbs. I am becoming dizzier by the second, like my brain is unravelling.

There is a halo ringed around my head, glowing with a dull fluorescence, showering down a pleasantly cold dissociation, like bathing in a waterfall. There is a glowing power building within my core.

 

T0:15- It feels like a force rushing into my forehead, an instant and powerful stream. I see colorful flashes in the light of my screen, dots and little forms and regularly spaced patterns, radiating outwards from glowering eyespots.

My typing becomes more uncoordinated and disjoint, my fingers feel alien and incomprehensible. My face feels so cold, a numbing blast of water, my brain being washed in a raging torrent. My neurons are being power washed away and stricken by crackles of heat into the vast sky, it strips me down starting from my crown, tracing down my face, then into my sternum, so cold and powerful.

 

T0:20- Suddenly even more energy, it has caught me off guard with its sudden intensity. I can’t engage in other activities much, all I can do is stare in awe at the torrential dissociation that drenches me now. My limbs begin to feel like they are made of liquid, my fingers floating in a pool across from my mind, my control of them seeming miraculous and incomprehensible. It feels like a sudden storm blowing up on a summer day, blackening the sky, dumping blinding sheets of rain and chilling me to the bone with its gusts and gales. This is not a cold that makes me shiver or seek warmth, but a pleasant chill like walking past the open door of an air conditioned building on a blistering summer day in the city. And with this storm, miraculously, beams of glimmering light shoot through the clouds in prismatic beams onto the earth where my body is cast. There is a sweet taste in my mouth.

 

T0:25- (notated as T2;5- in my notes, an indication of my motor control. Past this point they become mangled and near illegible words on single lines of text, often rhythmic and repetitive). It builds with greater and greater intensity. I shut off my lights and lie in the glow of my laptop. It is so fast and heavy, I cannot seem to really grasp or focus on the experience as it races around my mind. It reminds me of trying to catch a great muscular snake as it races away through the underbrush. I am floating up like a weather balloon, trying to grasp at billowing prismatic tendrils. Open eyed visuals take the form of a hexagonal sectioning of my vision like I am viewing the world through compound eyes, their borders ringed by soft rainbow pulses. Every second it feels like it continues to build in intensity, dragging me deeper into its depths- I relax my body and exhale deeply and let it take me. What a rush what a colorful pleasurable immaculate rush! While I still can, I find myself frantically messaging friends, loved ones, fellow hobbyists in mangled text- this feels like a eureka moment and I must tell those who will listen about the magic of this drug, of this incredible discovery, this is a sudden upwelling of mania, excitement, a rush- a rush that is stymied by the growing intensity of the experience. I wanted to spread the good word, thank the academy, tell people I had found a new holy grail, but all conversations eventually degraded into my own inability to properly read or type coherently. Oops.

I find myself closing my eyes and drifting into the experience more and more. As my vision fades, my body loses itself to the tempest, I feel my limbs twist and stream away, coil around me in tight spirals and constrict me in their soft and gentle warmth. I get a sense of motion, like I am driving a car with my mind, or like I am on a roller coaster, at the mercy of the winds of this substance. Bright lights sparkle and flash in the sky, bordered by pits of darkness that sink into the yawning above. My body stretches and extends like I am a serpent, twisting and slithering down a dark empty highway, the earth smooth beneath me, my shining iridescent keeled scales tracing a glowing path on the asphalt. The light builds behind me until I am a great glowing front to a wave, a pulse that leaves luminous tracers in its wake. I open and close my eyes and this shatters the entire illusion, like a great hexagram shaped stamp into an anodized titanium mirror. With my eyes closed I find myself awash in new visuals, great dark sigils and incomprehensible symbols emblazoned in colorful fire on a deep violet darkness. I feel like I am levitating, it feels so clean, so natural, like this is a logical extension of my consciousness. Streams and strands of thought wind out of my head and shoot off into the darkness like a rave turned ticker tape parade. The sense of constant motion carries such a distinct sense of direction, I feel like I am sailing down a winding road or a twisting turning river in the night, illuminated by the constellations above. This illusion too shatters when I try to consciously direct my attention elsewhere, collapsing into a pile of blocks and pixels. The sense of motion is swept out from under me with a sudden jerk and I feel like I am drifting along on what remaining momentum I have before coming to a floating, directionless stop in the abyss, a dimly glowing grid extending in all directions along all axes. There are little chills and tingles running through my bones.

I lay down the computer and decide to plug in headphones and listen to music and let myself fully drift off without any rousing. I place my laptop down on the far end of the bed and bask in its glow. It looks like a shining beacon a million miles away, pulsing and breathing as the screen collapses and extrudes into vitreous hopper crystals and stepped pyramids. Great drifting forms blossom and radiate in the darkness, buzzing and glowing and smoldering into the ceiling. I feel so radiant and alive, but at the same time I feel cold and dead, still and numb like a corpse on an autopsy table, ready for my mind to be picked apart by glowing tendrils and wires like probing herons.

 

T0:44- Much to my surprise I muster up the motor skill to take a single hit of cannabis from my one hitter. It is probably a miracle I didn’t unintentionally set anything on fire. I usually do this before letting myself succumb to a hole-though in this state the whole ritual feels alien and difficult to wrap my mind around.

My first choice of sound is my old favorite, Bituli by Paul Hares, a meandering 40 minute track of eerie glitchy distorted beats. I lie on my bed and close my eyes and begin the track, head spinning from the afterimages of the light of my phone, dancing and pulsing around my field of vision.

I sink into my bed and I am immediately embraced by the most immaculate and gentle softness, a steady pressure on all sides like there is memory foam inflating slowly around my entire body. It is a heavenly sensation, I quickly feel cocooned, a limbless and entirely still being encased in a plush sarcophagus. I am strapped into the ride. Once I am fully cocooned, I face the next step of the process, the motion, the journey. I feel like I am climbing towards the peak of a roller coaster inside a tunnel that unfolds before me, its walls adorned with regular patterns of patchy stucco in deep dull colors, there is always a gentle warm glow on the horizon. The patterns ripple and pulse and dance synesthetically to the music as I pick up speed, there is a sense of ascent and descent and of my gravity and friction shifting and reducing until it feels like I am levitating my way through space, still along some indiscernible floating track. So many twists and turns, the walls give way before me to a yawning black abyss, my path weaving in and out of great violet fluted pillars of light. The field of pillars grows and expands and multiplies infinitely into the distance as I pick up more and more speed. What a sensation! The visuals blend together as time passes and I have a hard time remembering specific images and sensations. It is an extensive and comprehensive virtual reality, replete with pleasant physical sensations and a sense of belonging, comfort, wonder and magic. This is where I am meant to be, it is okay for me to be here, I bought the ticket and took the ride and I am more than satisfied with my purchase. I stop and start, accelerate and slow down, my thoughts can’t focus on much more than the wonder and awe of the intensity of this experience. It is like a fully immersive virtual movie theater on the backs of my eyelids.

 

T1:00- I open my eyes after about 20 minutes and decide to change the music. What a journey this has been. It certainly feels like more time has passed than it really has. In the brief minutes that my eyes are open there is an array of colors, spots and dots and beams and bars and rods floating and spinning and twisting around me, bright and colorful and matte in texture.

I queue up different music- this time Black Moth Super Rainbow’s “Falling Through a Field”, an exercise in ethereal dreamy slightly unsettling pop, the sound of a misty forest at dawn while being stalked by colorful spirits. I close my eyes and am immediately spun into a cocoon again, wrapped with care in luxurious iridescent spider silk, in the way a great luminous phantom spider would gently wrap her eggs rather than her prey. I am greeted again by steady motion, visuals like the dappled shadows cast through trees, branching twisting forms in the skies above me like neon capillaries, the upper branches of trees reaching for the stars. I am encased in a great glowing triangle as I drift lazily through this beautiful and hazy land, the light of the forms around me illuminating untold colors twisted and tangled into the ground. The world is now and then illuminated by silent flashes and pulses of light with no discernible source, just a flash everywhere at once, a steady dissociating strobe that makes my motion skip and feel choppy.

My fingers are but odd little phalange bones, tight and dry in pastel colors. Recent memories drive through my skull, wash over my brain like a stream over rocks. They float by like clouds on a slight breeze, hazy and lazy in the sky. Brief images, words, conversations, pieced together from a regular week of work. I am careening through fog banks, tumbling on their gentle billows, it’s gentle and comfortable and fluffy, it feels like great soft fingers tenderly brushing my face. A gentle breeze is blowing.

I open my eyes in the dark again, met just with my laptop light. It is difficult to read the letters on my screen. I have double vision, and there are pulsing forms in the white space behind them. The different letters float a bit off the screen or sink into it at random intervals, making reading even more difficult.

 

T1:20- The dissociation is already taking a step down- my existence feels centered on my head, it is my gravitational core and all other parts of my form and consciousness are drawn towards it. My limbs and face still do not feel like they belong to me. Large stripes radiate and pulse down the empty white walls of my room. There is pressure on all sides of me, especially at every apex of my being. The whole world is shifted askew and spinning, there is less color, less of a sense of ‘travel’ or adventure, now it is just the vestiges of the peak’s ornate details spinning out into the void. Its depths are constantly running away from me and I am constantly pursuing it, but it always happens to just slip out of my fingers after the softest touch.

My open eyed visuals appear as phantom images, glares leftover from looking a the light of my screen, blocky and slowly and gracefully self transforming, built from the same sort of foam or plush that has characterized many of the substrates of this experience. Regular patterns of spots run across my vision. Every surface is adorned by the holographic dancing and swirling of wispy intertwined forms.

I am lucid for now, no longer is it that I am being bombarded by so much hallucinatory stimuli that I can’t stop to think or engage with objects. I am aware that I am sitting straight up, I am aware of where my body is, but it still feels like my skull has busted open to a cavity as vast as the night sky outside. The sensations on my skin are slow and soft like someone is dragging the most immaculate cashmere across my skin, or perhaps the airiest satin, leaving a slight numbness in its wake. These sensations consume me, they soon run up and down my skin and across my flesh like the hands of so many dissociative lovers. I just want to twist into them, roll around in them and revel in their touch, cuddle with it and feel its pressure against mine, bare body to bare body, tensing at the points of contact sharply drawing in my breath. I am exactly where I need to be. All I can do is writhe with pleasure, lie back and sigh as the ceiling strobes in dark colors above. I feel like I have fallen in love with this drug. As the experience continues to recede I promise them I will visit again soon, for another date.

 

T1:30- I stand up. It feels like my hands and feet are encased in lead, and then foam- So dense and heavy yet so soft and blocky. Moving isn’t too difficult, just a bit weird. Although I am no longer being dragged into the hole or caressed by the dissociative temptress, I am still distinctly and heavily dissociated. My fingers still feel foreign to me. My eyes are flashing and my flesh is numb. Sitting on my bed makes it feel as though my heartbeat is being amplified through the entire dark room, each thump illuminating a dull ripple across the dark walls.

There are no thoughts in my head- only a sense of awe at what I have just experienced. I don’t feel stimulated or anything, I am just sitting there on my bed, cradled by gentle clouds curling around me. The fields are still vast before me, a prismatic horizon just beyond my gaze, but I am content to be where I am, in this odd and vibrant world. The environment begins to decay and crumple, its vestiges raining to the ground in a fine snow and coating every surface. Grids begin to cascade down the walls faster and faster, like the cybernetic world of the MXiPr is draining from ours, they shared orbits so very briefly but now they must depart. The giddiness and excitement still flows through me, I wish I could take this ride again.

 

T1:50- I am neutral but for the most part, engaged in what I am doing but not quite with the manic energy some drugs can impart. I am still definitely and noticeably dissociated, though it doesn’t feel incapacitating. My limbs are still heavy, each movement like it is awash at sea. There is still a rush though it matches my pace and direction now. My heart flutters, my head feels light, It’s like walking away from a good bye hug after a first date with a life ruining crush. There is a soft color adjoined to everything though that also begins to slowly fade out.

As the awe fades and I begin to aimlessly scroll social media, I distinctly find myself able to read and engage in things coherently. Reading, engaging, experiencing, it all feels so delightful, I am filled with a desire to learn and expand myself into the world as far as possible. I feel like I can read about distant places, transport my mind there, a fully interactive adventure. I begin talking to one of my friends about bugs, a topic I am extremely passionate about, and my focus feels acute, my typed words articulate, my intentions direct and crystalline clear. I am certain I drenched the poor person into one of my signature extremely cumbersome infodumps. I feel so jovial and fun and competent, reminiscent of the comedown of a psychedelic but with less stimulation.

 

T2:15- Feeling more functional, my mind is still in a state of gentle bliss and intense focus. I am working on writing a piece and I find it easy to record my thoughts eloquently and articulately. This feels like an excellent drug for driving creative endeavors, though it lacks the intrinsic drive and stimulation of other highly functional dissociatives like 3-MeO-PCE. The state of the comedown is in fact more analytical than creative, and perhaps it could serve some sort of purpose in that capacity. Nonetheless, it is extremely enjoyable and I am further excited thinking about the ways this property can be utilized in the future.

 

T3:00- Further and further down, eyes cast onto my screen, the slightest little visuals still dance to and fro. My lights are back on and I am reading things on the internet and talking to friends. I step outside to gaze out into the vast country night. It’s chilly, the moon is obscured by clouds as are many of the stars. A chorus of night insects and owls ripples through the landscape. I feel glued to where I am, bound by the smell of the grass and the mist and the monolithic cloak of the sky. All I can do is stand there and gaze, boots sinking into the grass, the sky breathes and pulses, I am just another part of the vast earth with all of its vast features and lifeforms.

 

T4:40- I smoke some cannabis to see if it stirs the dust much. It does not, the experience has mostly quietly let itself pass, a wisp of glitter in its wake. I still feel quite alert and my mind feels like a well-oiled machine, efficiently and objectively processing thoughts.

 

T5:30- The experience has all but subsided at this point.

 

Conclusion: MXiPr is an ambrosia, a glistening food for the gods. Those are steep words, but in my experiences it has proven to be truly something spectacular at the given dose. In any dissociative that presents an interesting hallucinatory experience there are a number of pitfalls that can be hit- low potency, excess stimulation or mania, or excess sedation. MXiPr misses almost all of these- it is an exciting adventurous hallucinatory journey through virtual reality, a roller coaster ride or a joyride in a little plane plane above a technicolor canyon, all replete with a genuine sense of motion and travel. It is a compact and self-contained experience that explodes in a shockwave of gossamer gems, a prismatic windstorm that carries the user to a far-off land. I for one find it delightful. It is a full body type of dissociation, highly physically incapacitating, mentally quite stimulating, and with a touch of euphoria and mania but not in excessive. It is extremely visual for a dissociative, both with eyes opened or closed. Best experienced in the dark. The physical sensations are overwhelmingly soft, comfortable, and pleasant. The headspace lends itself to analysis and wonder, and during the comedown the mind feels focused, efficient, and well-structured. It is a wonderful substance at this dose, and I am excited to see what it offers at both higher and lower doses. If it performs well at lower doses it may be a contender for my top spot. The only gripe I have would be the short duration- it burns hot and fast.

As for what everyone is really asking- How does it compare to MXE? It’s a different drug, and there is nothing wrong with that. There is a similar sense of awe and wonder, a similar rush and sense of pleasant cold. As mentioned before it is highly visual, both with eyes opened or closed, and it has a similar sense of motion and journey to MXE. It lacks a lot of the mass and power that MXE packed however, is significantly less stimulating and much more a drug for relaxing on a soft surface (though I have not yet played with low doses so this may be subject to amendment). Perhaps what I found it most similar to was the personal favorite combination of MXPr and 3-MeO-PCE, which is a moot comparison as very few have tread that road. That however, also lends a dazzling synesthetic adventurous experience, wrapped in a silken cocoon with steady motion (albeit a longer duration). The major difference also is its unfortunately brief duration. Going into the future I would love to see the PCiPr backbone explored further- perhaps something like 3-MeO-PCiPr, 3-HO-PCiPr, 2’-Oxo-PCiPr, 3-Me-PCiPr or 3-Cl-PCiPr.