The Year in Review

CW: Suicide, depression

The year is almost over. I did a lot of drugs this year. More than ever before. I met many wonderful and interesting people who shared this hobby and could not have embarked on the explorations I did without their help. For them I am grateful.
At the beginning of the year, I had drifted away from psychedelics, I was no longer having novel or interesting experiences and was the only substance I was using was large doses of LSD. I was generally happy and stable and in what was at the time a very loving and strong relationship. I thought this might finally be the time when I was done with hallucinogens, for indeed my interest was waning. My parents would be so happy. For better or for worse, the relationship ended in February. Cue a mental nosedive, suicide attempts, a stint in a psych ward, new medications, intensive therapy, and dropping out of school. Self preservation became irrelevant and something needed to distract me from the crippling emptiness. An errant order from BCL and several bottles of cough medicine later and I was back in the game. I suppose I am grateful for this event too, for reigniting my passion in psychonautics. I have pursued hallucinogens with a newfound passion, I indulged with reckless abandon the entire summer and fall semester. I have almost doubled my roster of sampled substances and more than doubled my trip reports. Along with experimenting, I have also been studying hallucinogens in earnest, with respect to organic chemistry and pharmacology. I have been doing a great deal of writing on the subject. My Magnum Opus is still in the works.... and it isn't even the 100+ page document where I keep my reports.

 Anyways, here's a full list of everything I've sampled now, and a ranking of the new ones I've tried this year.
Sampled: Cannabis, Methylphenidate, corisoprodol, LSD, Datura, Psilocybin, DXM, 25i-NBOMe, Alprazolam, 2C-I, DMT, 25c-NBOMe, 2C-P, DOB, LSA, MDMA, 2C-B, 25i-NBOH, 4-AcO-DMT, Ketamine, Psilocin, Methamphetamine, Clonazepam, DPT, Cocaine, 4-AcO-MET, 4-HO-MiPT, MXE, MXM, MXP, Allylescaline, Hydroxyzine, 3-MeO-PCP, 5-MeO-MiPT, Mirtazapine, GHB, Modafinil, 4-AcO-DET, Lorazepam, 4-HO-MET, Methallylescaline

And the Rankings:
1. MXE: MXE is the fruit of the gods. MXE is my favorite drug after weed and acid, it is without a doubt my favorite dissociative. It is introspective, colorful, exploratory, euphoric, interesting, and most of all, fun. A proper report on it alone can be expected soon.

2. 4-HO-MiPT: The first time I sampled this it was just ok, but with subsequent tastes it's really grown on me. It's manic and giggly but somewhat sinister. Most of all, the visuals and essence of it remind me of insects and other animals. I love that.

3. DPT: This shit makes me feel so sick. Administering it is hell. But it is spectacular, incredibly deep, and insightful. The most profound psychedelic I've done, in that it is very deep but still manages to be comprehensible. And he afterglow is a mental acuity and euphoria like no other.

4. 2C-B: (I did this years ago but that was super weak or possibly bunk so meh), best all purpose-general use psychedelic. Great for beginners, great if you just want to trip in a specific setting but be mentally safe. Very visual, good for parties. Doesn't have the same glow as tryptamines for me, and is usually kinda rough on my body. There are deeper and more exciting ones, but 2C-B is still great and very adaptable.

5. 3-MeO-PCP: This is just some real fascinating stuff that I still feel like I haven't explored the full potential of. It seems like it might have as diverse and nuanced an effects profile as DXM. Really fun and interesting, but there's lots of potential for abuse/casual use. Not sure if that's good or bad tbh

6. 4-AcO-MET: 4-AcO-MET feels good, it feels better than anything. No psychedelic has given me such euphoria/confidence/empathogenesis. Unforunately, it feels delusional and irrational, it is chemical and shallow and does not come from a deep place of earnesty like DPT. But still a really good-feeling chemical and a good pick-me-up.

7. MXM: MXE lite. I would gladly take this in absence of MXE as it is almost ALMOST identical, but its glaring flaw is its unfortunately short shelf life.

8. Lorazepam: Fun and glowy and had the strange hallucinatory effect of me feeling the presence of people who weren't actually there

9. MXP: Gets a lot of flak because people try to compare it to MXE. Nothing compares to MXE. This stuff is very unique though and provides an interesting and novel dissociative experience. Not the sort that makes me want to do it every week like MXE or 3-MeO-PCP, but is still something worth exploring for the dis enthusiast

10. Allylescaline: Mild and a good way to relax and wear away a day. Don't expect too much from it and it's a nice time.

11. 4-AcO-DET: My only experience so far had a wicked bodyload. But that might not be the chemical's fault. Had  interesting effects and I'd be willing to sample it again with a healthier body. Might end up higher on the list.

12. Clonazepam: I don't remember most of the times I fucked with it, but I vaguely remember having fun and also it stopped me from killing myself so thats a plus I guess

13. 5-MeO-MiPT: Very unique and interesting, but only as a novel experience. Kinda makes me nervous about all the other 5-MeO-tryptamines I want to try. Unlike anything else. I didn't get a lot of the touted affects of this one and the comedown was really painful and bad on my body.

14. 4-HO-MET: I would give this one another chance maybe but my one experience was overwhelming on my body. I felt like watered down mushrooms which is a good thing for me honestly, and I feel like there's a lot of depth to explore with it, if my body will let me

15. Methallylescaline: Same as above. Seems interesting, but my one experienced ravaged me. I would try again though, to see if that's the true nature of the chemical or just a bad experience. Seems like there's a lot of interesting ground to explore, at least for the sake of comparing it to other phens

16. GHB: Just sorta made me dizzy and glowy for a bit

17. Mirtazapine: Supposedly a very very novel and interesting experience, but I didn't get that I only got physical suffering and crushing fatigue

18. Cocaine: Straight up doesn't affect me. Even made me feel more sleepy once. Not worth the money at all for me.

(not including hydroxyzine/modafinil bc they have very subtle effects/are best utilized as mixers)

So there it is, my ranking of every fucking poison I stuck myself with this year

I have a lot on deck, I am excited as hell
expect these reports in the coming year:
Phenethylamine
2C-D
2C-E
2C-C
2C-T-7
Mescaline
DOM
Methylone
DMT
5-MeO-DMT
5-MeO-MiPT (smoked)
DALT
5-MeO-DALT
ETH-LAD
1P-LSD
AL-LAD
Deschloroketamine
MXE (by itself)
Ephenidine
Diphenidine
Salvia

and all variety of wacky combos
I was thinkin a LSD+4-HO-MiPT/4-AcO-MET/4-AcO-DMT+MXE+2C-B trip to really ramp it up
or 3-MeO-PCP+LSD+2C-B
or 4-AcO-DET + Ketamine
or 4-HO-MiPT + Ketamine (they both make me think of bugs)
or 4-AcO-DET + 3-MeO-PCP
or 4-HO-MiPT + Methallylescaline

idk the possibilities are endless
I also want to settle the 4-HO vs 4-AcO debate (for myself at least). I have mushrooms and 4-AcO-DMT and want to compare them side by side (like a week apart) in the same setting.

There is much that I hope will cross my path in the coming year. If you know me irl let me know if you happen upon any of these. Some are pretty damn rare and I would be lucky to ever encounter them in my lifetime but w/e:
2C-T-2
2C-T-21
2C-iP
2C-TFM
2C-EF
Escaline
Mescaline
Proscaline
DOM
DOPR
DOC
DOI
ALEPH-2 (not likely but I can dream :P)
TMA-2
MDA
5-Br-DMT
4-HO-DET
4-HO-DPT
4-AcO-DPT
4-AcO-MiPT
DiPT
4-AcO-DiPT
4-HO-DALT
5-MeO-DALT
5-MeO-MALT
ALD-52
LSZ
Amanita Muscaria
Salvia
Ibogaine
Ephenidine
Diphenidine
Deschloroketamine
PCP
4-MeO-PCP
3-HO-PCE
3-MeO-PCE
Memantine
MK 801

Apologies to Mom and Dad,
I know you don't want me doing this
But it's a hobby, its an interest, pursuing these passions is the only thing that keeps me from wanting to lie down on the train tracks
sorry

"
5:30 am
the room cradled in a timid blue
For a thousand years a thousand sounds
fired in a thousand colors
in my own skull

the first have ventured out to walk into the sun
glass between the concrete still air
and the ineffable yawning chasm,
of the inside of a rippling egg
walking home, burnt out
that chasm staring at them, that sheet of glass
that smiles down at them

phantasms dance on the walls and I stargaze at the ceiling and the thought looms over me
wispy and ashen, like a great dead Sycamore after first frost
what other reason
is there to want
to be
alive

"

"

life breathing into a deer skull

rippling with electricity,

to the very fingertips

and inhaling explosive energy to battle specters 

in a crystal cave of the prismatic beams of the sun

agile and catlike and beautiful, so beautiful 

a gloomy sun peaks over the rooftops and haze,

with grey light, thin and faded, waste and still and real

flat grey,

raise from it mountains draped in polychrome, trees that glisten with the fire of life

breathing

the palace of god,

the shadow of

the great waste, the hungry barrens

the

the color, calm, alien, looming,hands clutching, swirling sea

and  racing fear, eyes and teeth

and the pulse and fire of life, all of the colors of blood, and breath,

the calm the calm

until death

still 

until death

soon

until death

the great waste, the hungry barrens 

crumbles away, brick by brick

and I don't

even notice

why should

I want to

"