Weight: 125 lbs
Dosage: ~200 ug
LSD sublingual, 25 mg 4-HO-MiPT oral in gel cap, 33 mg 2C-B oral in gel cap
Setting: My apartment
T0:00-I dose everything all
together after a shower.
T0:20-I feel so chilly and shaky.
Putting on layers does not make me comfortable, this is a cold that shudders
out from my bones, it’s the temperature dropping before a shivering rainstorm.
I am shuddering and shaking and it feels like my bones are rattling in my
flesh.
T0:45-I am so nauseous, I just
feel poisoned now, the bitterness of these powders that are in my stomach have
seeped into every corner of my consciousness, it’s a bitterness that infests
all my senses and leaves my mind feeling like dry rot. I was not expecting to
feel this bad, perhaps my nutrition has been poor lately. I am shaking
uncontrollably and all I can really do is lie on my bed and hope this will all
pass. Any movement exacerbates the discomfort. My jaw is clenching into knots
and ice cold electricity shoots through my muscles. Insofar, other effects are
hardly noticeable. Slight visual distortion pulses the walls. Faint colored
patterns begin to swirl but I pay them no heed. My mental state is entirely and
passionately focused on the condition of my body right now.
T1:20-I feel like I have broken
over the edge. I’ve had it in my mind this whole time, this will be fun, this
will be a blast, all I need to do is make it over this hellish twitchy
disquieting hump. At last, it feels like I have splashed facefirst into a pool
while on fire, the relief is tangible and the world swirls around me as the
discomfort dissipates. I am on three different psychedelics, but I honestly
cannot tell that there are different substances coursing through my veins. It’s
not like one drug is overpowering the others, but that they have all coalesced
into one entirely unique experience, a singular drug rather than a combination
of them. They have matched each other in power perfectly and synchronized into
a dazzling experience of its own. The visuals do not remind me of any of the substance,
they are frenetic and rippling with raw energy, incredibly intricate and jagged,
twitching like green mechanical worms over every surface. My vision is
dominated by a grand patterned starburst, the root of some psychedelic plant
with intricate foliated visuals branching out from it. Closing my eyes drags me
into a world of my body vibrating away into toothed waves, the waves spilling
out into the space around me and swirling and twisting and tangling into
infinite chaos and absurdity. Music is absolutely fantastic, every detail of
the sound makes itself apparent to me and lays out before me for my aesthetic appreciation.
I was enjoying lying around listening to music so much that I stopped taking
notes or recording timestamps.
I notice mostly that I am not
tripping as hard as I would’ve liked. My goal in this instance was to give
myself a powerful trip on my three favorite substances from the three main
families of psychedelic. I had made the observation that by some force of the
cosmos, I always have the most intense trips when I don’t intend to, or when
tripping that hard is inconvenient. Those trips are always inevitably quite
stressful as they seriously inhibit whatever else I intended to do during that experience.
I figured I would give myself some free time and try to plunge into the depths
while actually prepared for it, but to no avail. Perhaps It was all just warped
perceptions, that I perceive myself as tripping harder when I expect different
and vice versa. That I’m objectively tripping just the same as my “hard”
experiences, but it lacks the element of being overwhelming or out of my
control.
T2:00-I begin to wonder how I can
make this experience productive, as I realize that without sinking into the
depths I feel like I am just wasting my time. I wonder how I can channel this
psychedelic energy into some other activity. I smoke a bowl of cannabis to
boost me a little bit and then decide to try and dissect why I have been such a
poor student as of late. The hyperanalytical aspect of 4-HO-MiPT rears its head
from the maelstrom and I find myself researching the definition of laziness. I
soon realize that attempting to read or learn while in this state is just
incredibly difficult. When I look at words, I realize that I can only read the
single word I am focusing on, all the other words surrounding that one appear
as incomprehensible illegible glyphs of some language I do not know. It’s
difficult for me to glean any meaning from sentences as I must process them one
word at a time, and then go back and cross reference each word with each other
to see what they all mean in combination. I am reading the Wikipedia article on
laziness at a rate of about 1 sentence per 2 minutes, and even then I have to
piece together the meaning of the sentences. After quite some time I finally
manage to piece together what laziness means, and how it is perceived. It’s
from here that I can deconstruct the concept, apply it to my life, bring my
lazy ass to amount to something and do well in school. Except I don’t, I just
can’t for the life of me figure out why I am so lazy. I can’t for the life of
me figure out how to solve it. This combination lends itself to powerful and
clear introspection that cuts through my thoughts like a crystal knife, but
this is one mystery that it cannot crack.
T3:00-I end up just reading a
bunch of junk on Wikipedia for the next few hours. To alleviate my guilt I
attempt homework. It falls through entirely, I completely fail at the task and
cannot comprehend calculus at all. I end up feeling really stressed for about
an hour, stressed about my inadequacies, stressed about my laziness, stressed
about what my life is destined for with all these deep character flaws. The
psychedelic torrent is merciful for not letting this swirl out of control into
a deep depressive episode. Rather, I am able to rationally and clear headedly
approach these issues and address them in such a way that I can merely dismiss
them. Not a solution, but it kept my mind safe. I am occasionally able to at
least sink back and greet the storm of visuals with a smile, sink into the
pleasant sensory effects and the euphoric jolts on my brain, let the trip take
me into its gentle hands and rock me back and forth and reassure me that no
time is wasted, that every moment that I am experiencing the world of my own accord
is a moment well spent.
T5:00-I go downstairs and hang
out with my roommate and smoke more and play videogames. This is something we
do together fairly often, although this particular experience sticks out in my
memory. Each game we played, everything I witness, seems to be better etched into
my memory than previously. It’s like the memories are a detailed relief, each feature
of it carved with incredible depth and noticeable contrast, as opposed to the
usual flat blur they occupy in my mind. Conversation and socialization are a
bit awkward, although the hyper-analytical aspect of the experience makes for
an interesting evening doing something that is usually pretty routine. This
continued for the next few hours. Nothing else to note really.
T12:00-Go to sleep.
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