Age: 25
Weight: 130 lbs
Dosage:
6 mg oral + 6 mg intranasal + 6 mg intranasal of 3,4-DCMP, a whole plethora of
things later to mitigate the effects
(20
mg Diazepam sublingual, .5 mg Flualprazolam sublingual, 10 mg Norflurazepam
sublingual, 300 mg Pregabalin oral, 80 mg 2F-DCK oral)
Setting:
My house
Introduction:
3,4-DCMP also known (erroneously) as 3,4-CTMP is a methylphenidate analogue
equipped with 2 chorines on the 3 and 4 positions. As it stands, it’s a fairly
standard and long lasting stimulant- what makes it special is that it is
extremely potent relative to other common stimulants, with a common dose
purported to be in the range of 6-8 mg. While this experience overall became
tainted with a battery of depressants, I tried to weather the high-dose
stimulant effects as long as I could and write about them, as during my
research I couldn’t find any information on the effects of a dose that high
(especially for one with almost no stimulant tolerance like myself).
Why
did I take such a massive dose? Am I not an experienced and responsible
researcher? This is a humbling story of how no matter how experienced one
considers themselves, it is still incredibly easy to make mistakes. I am lucky
that this mistake only led to a great deal of discomfort and not serious
physiological or psychological harm. This was simply due to insufficient
research beforehand and impatience. I did not realize until it was too late
that this drug has a long comeup, especially when taken orally, and that it may
be more potent intranasally. Furthermore, what followed in my mitigation
efforts was perhaps noble and useful in its inception, but quickly spun off the
rails into the territory of compulsive dosing driven by severely impaired
judgment. This should all have been common sense but it wasn’t. As an
instruction- one can always take more, one can never take less- never redose
when experimenting with something for the first time, one can always try again
later.
T0:00- first dose taken as 6 mg orally in gel
cap.
T1:00- No real effects felt, I am getting
impatient. This is my first mistake.
T1:30- Still not feeling anything. I decide
to snort another 6 mg. This may have been a good stopping point, this is
already a fairly high dose by any standard, but I did not end up stopping here.
T2:00- Still just only barely feeling it- in
retrospect what I am feeling at this point may very well have been just the
first dose. Why am I so impatient? I snort another 6 mg, for a grand total of
18 mg, 6 oral and 12 intranasal. I had errands to run later in the day- perhaps
this was my way of trying to make them more exciting and give myself the energy
boost I needed to go out? I certainly overdid it.
I find myself becoming more open and
talkative, it's nice to talk about drugs with a good friend. It’s a pleasant
sociable stimulant boost, one that isn’t quite yet overdone. I begin to read
more about this drug however and begin to realize the gravity of what I have done.
A certain anxiety sets in over what is to come.
T2:30- I've just been sitting in my room
listening to music, feeling good, very euphoric and mentally stimulating
without much push or motivation to do anything beyond what I’m already doing.
It’s a nice alert high, I am chatty and jovial, this is something I could
genuinely enjoy. I smoke a bit of cannabis.
Just as I was getting used to it and remarking on the lack of physical side
effects, the consequences of my impatience come crashing down. My heart is
racing, my muscles begin to tremor and twitch, my breathing becomes faster and
shallower.
T3:00- Side effects have been growing- extremely
fidgety and twitchy, every muscle in my body feels restless and unable to
expend their newfound pent-up energy. I'm sure I look tweaked out to an
external observer, every part of my body seems obligated to be in motion
without pause. My heart is pounding furiously and it already hurts.
I am constantly swallowing, my jaw is
grinding, it is hard to breathe or move right, everything feels uncomfortable
and wrong, I am sighing constantly, it is like my body is doing every trivial
motion it can to expend the stimulation. I am typing fast, though my thoughts
aren’t really racing, I am mentally still lucid and my brain still proceeds at
a normal pace. I would still consider the headspace to be pleasant at this
point, this seems like it would be an enjoyable drug at a reasonable dose.
T3:10- Spoke too soon yet again- my thoughts
are beginning to race now, this seems like it's becoming a tad untenable. While
there was a brief island of focused, stimulated thought, I am now unmanageable,
scatterbrained and distractable, far from land in any direction.
I am strongly considering aborting the
experience for now. This doesn’t feel worth it to try and endure, The fact that
the comeup can take 3-4 hours means that this is only going to get worse as
time passes.
I am swallowing and sniffling and fidgeting a
lot, getting some chills, feeling the tingle of vasoconstriction in my extremities.
I want to try working on writing a trip report I had been working on, but I
keep getting distracted. Everything is going so fast.
As there are no reports for this dosage of
3,4-DCMP and my life doesn’t feel in immediate danger, I decide to just weather
the storm for the time being and see just how bad it can get.
T3:30- I meet up with a friend and pick up
some Pregabalin. It is nice to be around a real person, I am predictably very
chatty. Nevertheless he tells me I don’t appear outwardly stimulated or under
any influence- perhaps a bit jumpy. We go grocery shopping together.
Any moments of silence feel particularly
awkward and tense just because I'm so wired. It feels nice to get up and move
and walk around, being outside and in motion takes the edge off of a lot of the
uncomfortable effects. I walk home after this and settle back into stationary
discomfort.
T4:10- Effects seem milder now, I do some
housework that involves moving around so that helps a bit too. It feels like
I'm already coming out of the storm but I know that that's impossible- it's
only been about 4 hours. Nonetheless I do indeed feel like I am not breathing
so shallow or fidgeting or shaking as much.
T4:30- Clearly was presumptuous in thinking
the effects were phasing out already. It
all comes crashing back, lots of swallowing, lots of inane physical movement, lots
of racing thoughts, lots of shaking, heart pounding and chest aching and
shallow breathing. All the same. I am not enjoying myself but I still feel like
I can hold out longer.
T4:40- Never mind that. It has only been about
5 hours and I already feel so strung out and worn out, I feel like I have run
through a day’s worth of energy already. I have 0 appetite and a roiling
discomfort in my gut that keeps me from refueling myself. This is wildly uncomfortable
with no discernible gain and all signs point towards that pattern holding
steady for the next several hours if not getting worse. I am not even sure if
the later intranasal doses have reached their full effect yet but in my current
state I am not particularly eager to find out. I decide to just phase the
experience out with 20 mg of Diazepam to start, administered sublingually from
dissolvable tablets.
4:56- The magic of Diazepam is that it kicks
in very quickly. Things feel like they're slowing down a bit already, breathing
less shallow, heart rate still fast but not as much as before, fidgeting a
little less, sill grinding my teeth, feel a bit better overall though. I’m
still very talkative. I definitely don’t feel calm or fully under the influence
of a depressant- in fact I still feel quite stimulated just less so, as though
I had taken a mid-range dose of a stimulant.
T5:50- The stimulation is still too much, I
am yet again too impatient, I take .5 mg Flualprazolam to try and snuff out
these residual effects- my choice of benzodiazepine in this instance owing to
Flualprazolam being particularly sedating. To my great relief, my heart rate is
becoming noticeably slower.
I don't even feel the benzos at all, they're
clearly being overwhelmed. Definitely more manageable than before, but also not
a state I could possibly sleep or relax in. I do feel exhausted and strung out,
but it is a sense of being burned out, of having expended too much energy in
aimless stimulation than any of this being true fatigue or sedation. I could
not imagine the exhaustion that would be imparted running the entire gauntlet
of 3,4-DCMP’s duration, much less compounded with the inevitable sleep deprivation.
T6:23- Heart rate is slowing down more,
returning to a semblance of normalcy, the stimulation has left the core of my
nervous system and migrated more into my limbs and muscles. I am just sitting
alone in a room listening to music, it is difficult to settle on anything I
like though.
T8:46- I still feel exhausted but also tense
and uncomfortable. My legs feel an anxious restlessness coursing through them.
I consider adding yet another benzo to the mix, one with more muscle-relaxing
properties, in order to stifle some of this discomfort. I don’t want to fully
sedate myself though. I am so restless and irritable with my inhibitions
lowered by the benzos already in my system- I am a bit concerned I will
continue to act even more impulsively or snap at someone out of sheer annoyance
at my condition.
I just want this to be over, most of the
symptoms have worn off but I just feel so mentally worn out and strung out and
irritable that I can't really focus on anything or get anything done. My brain
just feels foggy right now, more so than it would from benzos alone.
T8:50- I buckle and add 10 mg of Norflurazepam
to the mix. This should be my hard stopping point, no more for tonight. If I
still feel shitty after this, I will just have to put up with it. I think I may
try to just take a stim nap and lie down and breathe slowly. I'm developing a
headache from the muscle tension.
T9:10- I try to lie down a bit, get my thoughts
to stop racing and to deal with this deep restlessness in my bones. It feels
like a textbook case of restless leg syndrome. My judgment is severely
compromised at this point and I opt to just throw the fucking kitchen sink at
this experience.
I go for 300 mg pregabalin (taken from opened
capsule for a faster onset) on top of three separate benzodiazepines- something
I would never ever in good conscious recommend to anyone else. Combining
depressants like this is extremely dangerous, combining stimulants and
depressants is extremely dangerous (as is illustrated here, often dangerous
doses of one drug can be taken to offset the effect of the other- the bad
decisions just kept piling up today!), but it is a risk I accepted due to an
existing tolerance to GABAergic depressants. I was a bit anxious about lapsing
into unconsciousness as in past experience combining pregabalin and
benzodiazepines tends to be extremely hypnotic.
A decision I could not comprehend or justify
when I was sober again was to also at this point add an oral dose of 50 mg 2F-DCK,
consumed as uncontained crystals also for a faster onset. Perhaps I figured
that an NMDA antagonist could snuff out excess communication between my
neurons? Though I’m not sure its inhibitory properties work in a way that
suppresses dopaminergic stimulants. I am throwing everything I can to tame this
beast, against all sense and judgment.
T9:55- Despite doing everything I would
advise against, I am certainly beginning to feel more at peace, something I
attribute to my booster dose of Norflurazepam. I begin to wonder if I was too
hasty to stack on the Pregabalin and 2F-DCK- did I make the same mistake twice?
Have I destined myself to a blackout or to passing out when I was already on a
path to recovery? I don’t want to just fall asleep tonight I intended to work
on some things around the house.
Heart rate is normal now though it feels sore
and overworked for a bit, breathing normal now, feeling mostly drowsy probably
because of all of the depressants, but distinctly stimmed up in my brain, with
muscles still tense. I am alert and I definitely could not sleep. Still
generally feeling uncomfortable, though less irritable with less brain fog or
freezing up. Still hard to focus with no music or any activity really holding
much appeal. It just feels like the pieces of my brain are all disjoint and not
interacting with one another properly. I can't wait to get a good night sleep
and have it wear off, though it is still too early for that. Not eating
anything all day is probably compounding all the discomfort.
T10:05- For whatever reason I have added
another oral dose of 2F-DCK, at 30 mg, bringing the consumed total to 80 mg. No
idea what was on my mind at this point.
T11:00- I wake up my partner from a nap, they
prepare dinner while I do housework. I am still functional but my motor skills
are out the window, I'm stumbling and falling a lot. I have not had an appetite
all day and I still do not. I am coherent and semi-articulate though my partner
says I'm slurring some of my words. I am still high-energy and overly chatty,
to their annoyance as they have just woken up. I feel lucid and exhausted, that
sense of clarity that comes after a long day of physical labor even though I
just stood still most of the day. I'm really in a mood to just get stuff done,
despite my issues with balance. While I am clearheaded and can speak clearly, my
words seem off, poorly chosen and poorly informed. I feel like I have
ultimately settled into a nice sweet spot.
T12:00- Ah the dissociative that I
inexplicably ingested has begun to kick in. I start to feel nauseous and every
step feels like I’m on a boat. I am stumbling around, the nausea carries a
sense of motion sickness rather than the poisoned sickness that can often
accompany drugs. I eat 2 Datura stramonium seeds in hopes of alleviating
this a bit. I still manage to get some work done with cleaning the basement, something
I had intended to do all day. I am stuffing rubble and trash into contractor bags
and moving a lot of boxes around, it mostly just feels like I am doing this task
on hard more. My partner says I seem hazy, though I still feel like I can function
as I need to. I am still talking way too much and slurring words together. I
eventually haul all of the heavy bags upstairs and outside, I have no idea how
I did not fall down the stairs at some point.
When I look at the walls I get light flowing
visuals, gentle drifting textures like a thin film of water is running down
them, or perhaps like cascades of dust slowly creeping down. The motion
sickness subsides a little. Closing my eyes yields fields of abstract shapes.
It looks like every blank surface is melting and flowing downward, an interesting
effect.
Despite my best efforts, the stimulant is definitely
still there, it's my bones, when I stop moving and sit down can feel the pent
up energy demanding release, though it is heavily subdued now.
My mind is a bit less foggy, though I am
mostly taken in by the novelty of how I feel. The worst has passed.
T12:49- My head is spinning, symptoms arise
in flareups- shortness of breath, sudden heart pounding- like the 3,4-DCMP is
fighting to punch through everything I have taken to contain it. What a vicious
beast!
My memory is foggy and I doubt I'll remember
this night clearly. I am on edge because the stimulation flares up, comes and
goes, and then the depressants take over, smother me, lull me to a near sleep,
the stimulant claws its way back into the picture, ad infinitum. It is not fun
to have drugs battling inside of my body. Visuals still as downward drifting
patterns on surfaces. With my eyes closed I see a tangle of worms or rusty nails
tucked into some dark corner.
I roll a joint, I hope it will take the edge
off and make me feel better, as far as nausea and such is concerned. My heart
randomly pounding again. I feel tired but wired at the same time and my
fingertips feel numb.
T13:45- I smoke in the backyard, still
cycling through phases of sedation paired with bursts of energy. This drug is a
fighter! I hope smoking a joint will settle my frazzled mind a bit.
T13:53- I do not know why I thought smoking
an entire joint would help anything. In retrospect it was foolish to disturb
the dust like this, and I yet again attribute this to my severely impaired
judgment. Predictably, the cannabis did
the opposite. Everything was amplified, whatever illusion of functionality I
could maintain before has collapsed entirely, I am extremely altered now. The
joint really ramped up the effects of all of the different drugs coursing
through my body, individually and in concert. My mind and body are in chaos
now.
Each time I lean in to take a hit, the world
closes in on me in interlocking prisms. Strange geometric figures lurk in the
shadows. I feel like I am in a tightly enclosed space the entire time I am
outside, like the entire world has turned to origami and folded and wrapped
itself neatly around every inch of my form, crinkling and refolding to adjust
every time I move.
When I get up to return inside, I am severely
incapacitated. It is incredibly difficult to walk, every step lands somewhere I
don’t intend, half of my steps inexplicably go backwards, it feels as though I
am fighting an intense wind that is blowing me over. I don't really know how to
hold my torso upright anymore so I'm bending backwards and into odd shapes at
times. I manage to stumble inside, the 20 foot walk from my backyard to the
couch inside being an immense challenge. I flop down and revel in being able to
just sit still. I am able to talk to my partner normally enough apparently,
though I am trying to hide just how altered I really am. I feel like I can keep
mental lucidity even though it feels like a melting cascade of energy is
falling upon my brain and melting it. Once I regain my bearings, we decide to
go hang out upstairs. I recall crawling up the stairs on all fours, completely
incapable of walking on them with my own two feet. I remember little else of
the night from this point onwards.
T14:20- The nausea reaches a breaking point
and I throw up. It sucks and feels terrible and doesn’t make me feel better. I
ate almost nothing today so it was mostly dry heaving. The whole time, odd
hallucinated papery membranes drape around the room, gently brushing against me
while I struggle. I can barely stand up. I clean myself off and stumble out. I
apologize profusely to my partner and change into pajamas, I feel as though I am
on the brink of falling asleep.
T14:30- I am on the couch with my partner,
just browsing the internet. There’s a big pile of blankets I keep leaning on
and melting into. I have double vision and a hard time reading or making sense
of anything, I don’t know why I’m even trying to be conscious at this point.
Visuals flow down every surface lie a slow cascade of sand. The white
background of my computer is a swirling abyss of gelatinous forms moving and
pulsing like worms in a petri dish, cast against a backdrop of floral relief. My
mouth is extremely dry, I decide to give up on using the computer and just
snuggle up and close my eyes and sink into the hallucinatory effects. At some point
I fall asleep and wake up on the couch very early the next morning.
Epilogue:
The next day I feel groggy, my head is foggy
and I am still a bit off-balance and nauseous. I definitely took a bad
situation and made it worse for myself. I am tense but chatty and in a decent
mood. My heart rate is normal and my chest is no longer sore. I would like to
try this drug again, but with significantly more caution. This was also an
important lesson in losing all sound judgment when trying to mitigate one drug with
other drugs.
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