DPH + Hydroxyzine + Etizolam

Age: 20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 125 mg DPH oral, 100 mg Hydroxyzine oral, ~3 mg etizolam sublingual

Setting: My apartment

T0:00-I wake up from a nap and hear that my roommate has a friend over. I honestly want to get back to sleep because I’m feeling sorta sad, so I pop a bunch of hydroxyzine and DPH. A part of me wants to have an experience, because of some interesting times combining them a few nights ago.

T00:20-I smoke a bowl.

T00:40-There is no real comeup of the other substances, but rather they seem to drip into and taint the weed high as time passes. I decide to go downstairs and see what my roommate and the friend are up to. Turns out it’s a close mutual friend of the both of us. Yay cool. We hang out and play videogames for a bit. I feel heavier.

T1:00-I decide to walk my friend home. To imbue the walk with some more whimsy I decide to take a lick of etizolam. As expected, memory becomes spotty after this. I think the events that followed occurred in this order but I’m certainly not 100% sure. I am apparently able to maintain conversation with my friend to the point where I don’t seem particularly off, though unfortunately I cannot remember any of what we talked about.

T1:15-After dropping him off I walk home alone. It feels like the world is bending around me, each step I take is thundering and booming. I am like a heavy fog rolling home.

T1:30-I get home and relax upstairs for a bit. Things are getting weird. There are swirling static textures on the walls, giving the world a very “lo-fi” essence. I feel spacey, like some essential part of my mind has been shut off and I am running on autopilot. The world seems immersed in a fog with thunderflashes of swirling blurred color.

T2:00-Don’t recall what I did for half an hour but I go downstairs and make myself food and play videogames. I cook up an absurd concoction of nachos with instant rice and beans on top. It was probably delicious, I’ll have to make it again. I smoke more while I’m downstairs and this kicks things into a higher gear. I play star wars battlefront, playing battle after battle for what seems to be hours and hours, raging through battles and fighting a heroic war for the galaxy. I think I played for like 20 minutes tops. The entire time it seemed like a party was going on in our house, with people milling about, talking, smoking etc. I keep sensing people next to me, sitting there watching me play and commenting. In reality I am completely alone this entire time. These are very vague and nonspecific phantom people, not even the faceless spectres of friends that I had encountered with past excursions with Benadryl or DXM. Rather, these are empty ghosts, the purest and most deconstructed essence of the human being that my mind can conjure.

T2:30 or so-After milling about in the swirling party of fog downstairs I go back upstairs. The hallway is dark and I pause, for there is an object sitting in front of my door. The darkness swirls with maroon colors as this shadow thing blocks my path. It’s about the size of a cat, and is amorphous, appearing to be some sort of block draped in cloth. Its textures swirl and drift and it is lightly flashing. I step around it, then turn around to realize it’s no longer there, because it never was there.

T2:45-Things really go off their rocker. The next hour is super spotty in my memory. All I can recall is being visited repeatedly by people I knew, who would come into my room, talk to me, and then disappear. It wasn’t like they faded or just disappeared, it was like I would suddenly snap to, like being jolted awake, and they were gone. It was like I kept drifting into these dream scenarios, and something would catch me and pull me out after a while. The longer I remained in these scenarios, the more absurd things got, the more the world around me fell apart. I could feel and see my surroundings drifting, twisting, swirling, crumbling into the unctuous fog that whorled around my brain and vision. The walls would drift away, my surroundings would seemingly fade or blur to be unrecognizable, and any object of my focus was the center of a twisting maelstrom of reality, the peripheries rendered too illogical and incomprehensible to register.

Some of my visitors included my boss from the museum where I volunteer, one of my roommates, the friend who I had walked home before (warranted a “what are you doing back here?”) and several more who I don’t remember. I don’t know if I was actually talking to any of them out loud or simply communicating with them telepathically, although they all certainly spoke aloud. For the most part, my internal logic was so shifted that nothing really seemed off about these unlikely people visiting me in my bedroom at 2 AM. I simply greeted them and conversed. I don’t recall any of what any of them said. One other thing I recall was having a text conversation with the roommate whom I was hanging out with before. We went back and forth, I have no idea what about. I think it culminated in me saying I was going to go downstairs and talk to him. When I stood up, I looked at my phone again, and realized I did not actually have a conversation with him. Then I realized he had gone to bed like 2 hours ago. Funny.

T3:??-I black out and apparently eventually fall asleep. Like one moment I’m in this swirling abyss of god knows what, the next I am waking up the next morning. I slept like a brick, a deep black sleep with no dreams.