antlion

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Methoxphenidine ++ LSD

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age:20
Weight: 120 lbs
Dose: 150 mg Methoxphenidine (MXP) oral in gel cap, 3 tabs LSD (~140 ug each) sublingual
Setting: My apartment

T0:00-Take 150 mg MXP in gel cap after meeting a friend at the subway station

T0:30-We are having fun and making pictures. I begin to feel the first notes of dissociation, it’s a sort of cold empty sort of feeling of my body chemically fading away, it feels like my insides are freezing to numbness, but it is by no means uncomfortable

T0:45- I am really really feeling it now, things are beginning to feel far away and unreal, it’s the familiar feeling of the world drifting away to a dream space, it has the dissociative quality of all sounds and feelings being contained in a tin can, although it is more metallic feeling than anything I’ve tried.

T1:00-I put on harsh noise because why not. It sounds so cool and so beautiful (not to sound pretentious as hell lol), its something like being dissociated from the negative and painful qualities of the dischord and loud abrasiveness and simply hearing it as a collection of different really cool sounds. It definitely feels harmonious with this substance.

T1:15-I am sinking into the filthy chaotic world of the noise aesthetic. I decide to shift our surroundings to better match that. Me and my friend go to the basement and turn the music on full blast. This is  so perfect, I feel like this is how noise was meant to be experienced, on a ton of dissociatives in a bare dingy dirty claustrophobic space. We draw pictures for the entirety of one of the groups’ albums. I feel like I am drifting further and further with no sign of letting up. I have never dosed this high before and have no idea how much further it will go. After a while I go back upstairs with considerable difficulty. We hang out in my room again.

T2:00-We are back in my room. I am still drifting further and further, it really seems like it will just go on forever. My friend is taking selfies and drawing pictures. I keep forgetting that they’re there, the whole world feels so distant and irrelevant. I keep falling into trance states. I wouldn’t call it a hole necessarily but more of a really focused trance where I get so lost in thought the world seems to fade around me, not nearly as forceful as plunging into a dissociative hole and not fully anesthetic like that either.  My body feels like it is blurring, that it is becoming sharp waves and static, I am still aware of it but it feels like its been cast into the dissociative breeze. I have that familiar feeling of being sprayed in the face with a hose. I sink into long deep trances, communicating is nigh impossible and movement while possible is very very difficult.  

T3:30-My friend picked up weed from my neighbor. He came over with his girlfriend and they smoked with us in my room. I barely remember this. He asked about the experience as he was interested in trying MXP, and I think I choked something out about waves and feeling metallic and distant and how it was weird and cold but good fun. Interaction feels super deliberate, like each little movement I’m making is carefully planned and executed, while at the same time it all feels automatic. I feel like a machine operated by a very efficient computer, but certainly I do not feel human.

T5:00-My friend has to leave now. They wish me goodbye and depart. I don’t really recall this at all, in my mind they were just sorta there one moment and gone the next. Weird. My roommate who did not smoke decided to start smoking again. After relaxing for a while I decide its time to bring him back into the game. I am down enough to be mostly functional at this point, still pretty spacy and still in a distant dissociative fog, but I have passable motor skills and communication abilities. I take 3 tabs of LSD while I pack a bowl for the two of us. This is gonna be a wild ride. We smoke and talk about stuff. I am starting to come up. We decide to watch an anime movie.

T5:50-We go downstairs, we pack another bowl and turn the movie on. The acid is coming on with a powerful rush now, I’ve never felt it like this before. It is the same feeling as the MXP before, where I really can’t tell how far it is going to go or where it will stop. I am ridiculously stoned, as in unable to move. I am dazed and stare catatonically at the screen. Animation is spectacular while on acid. Everyone should watch a handmade animated movie while tripping. I can see each frame as they okay, how things were hand painted and animated, its spectacular and I have never appreciated all the work that goes into animation as hard as I did here. At points the trip gets so intense I have to close my eyes.

T6:30-Really creepy. We hear heavy footsteps upstairs. We are the only two home. My paranoia kicks into overdrive, I am legitimately terrified a burglar or some supernatural being broke in. My roommate takes the reins and arms himself and does a check of the entire house. It was nothing. Upon standing up the entire world gets blasted apart by checker patterns and concentric swirls. I don’t think I’ve tripped this hard from acid before. I need to sit down. The movie is kinda dark and eerie and I realize im entering uncharted territory on acid. I begin to worry that this imagery and the essence of this film will leak into me and taint my brain with fear and darkness. But the animation is so cool looking that I am able to bury that feeling and immerse myself in the film. It is truly a multimedia experience, I can project myself on any of the characters and really feel the film and be a part of it. If I zone out it feels like my whole existence becomes what is on the screen.

T7:20-the movie ends. I get up and wander around the house, I feel dazed and am still tripping really hard in all sorts of ways. I can still feel the MXP in numbness and disorientation and dizziness and the acid is still going strong. I am in such a daze that I really cannot talk to anyone. My voice sounds awkward as hell and I feel awkward as hell. I go in the backyard and lie on the concrete for like 20 minutes staring at the sky and thinking. My best friend/other roommate had a concert tonight and I missed it to stay home and do drugs. I realize this now, that the drugs are really becoming a problem and I feel really guilty. I feel like my roommates are judging me for this, that I have committed a grave wrong. I eventually talk to them and work my way back into having social capabilities and it feels resolved and forgiven.

T8:30-a close friend comes over. At this point I am exuberantly social. I feel amped up, the substances feel like they have both settled and coaleseced in my veins, giving me an energetic confident and euphoric comedown. I wanna go to a party or something. We end up meeting up with some more people. It’s a long social night and I am up until 5 hanging out with people, but in terms of being on substance nothing more of note happens. When I go outside I feel springy and lightweight and still spacy and distant but in a comfortable way. I am not really fully back to baseline until about T15:00

1 comment:

  1. It always helps to have friends with like interests. I lack them personally and therefore can relate to the lonely feelings of intentional isolation experienced when you miss out on social occasions due to drug use. Sure, it's easily justified as more of a hobby and a time for personal reflection (with the non-addicting nature of hallucinogens being a plus) - however, i'd still recommended a balance with your social life. Socialization is just as rewarding to the soul as is recovering from it.

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