CW: Depression
-Part 2-DXM+2C-B+LSD
http://riverofdeercarcasses.blogspot.com/2014/05/i-bought-bunch-of-dubious-2c-b-and-1.html
DXM+LSD
http://riverofdeercarcasses.blogspot.com/2015/02/lsddxm.html
DXM+DPH+LSD+DPT
http://riverofdeercarcasses.blogspot.com/2015/07/dxmlsddptdph.html
DXM+DPH+Hydroxyzine+LSD+4-HO-MiPT
http://riverofdeercarcasses.blogspot.com/2015/11/dextroverse-part-ii.html
Here are some of my experiences with DXM itself. The first was during a spiralling and very deep depression. I began to experiment with DXM again, and decided to try doubling my usual dose.
*EDIT: These reports have been split into separate posts for the novelty of their combinations*
I am leaving this post intact as I still feel like it gets the same message across.
The separate posts for each report are here:
DXM
DXM + Bupropion
DXM + DPH + Bupropion + Gabapentin
-----------------
Dose-600 mg
T0:00-Begin drinking cough syrup.
Try mixing it /chasing it with ginger ale. Its easiest to drink if I just chase
it. Manage to slug down one bottle in about 5 minutes.
T0:25-Manage to drink the second
bottle by now. Already feeling slightly dissociated. Nausea is coming on
strong, this stuff is absolutely disgusting.
T0:40-I am being drowned in a big
swirling ocean of syrup. The swells toss me about and mold my form like I am
made of soft clay. I do not feel a progression through plateaus, rather I am
just sinking deeper and deeper into the dex sea. It reaches a point where I can
no longer see straight with both eyes open, I get the classic dissociative
double vision. (I am on MXE while I write this oops). It follows with this
sense of just being completely and totally lost in my own room, I do not know
where I am, when I am, why I am, how I am, I am wiped clean and left confused.
It feels like my stomach is boiling. I know I have to hold it down as long as
possible to absorb as much as I can. I know vomiting is near inevitable.
T0:45-The yak comes. I throw up
red syrup in a hideous cascade. Wow this feels terrible wow. I never liked
vomiting, it is painful, it is uncomfortable, it makes my eyes water it makes
it feel like my body is dismantling. But I get it out, I feel a bit
disappointed that I wasn’t able to keep it down for longer, I will not get the
full experience I desired I’m pretty sure.
T???-Per usual the next however
many hours is a dissociative black out fog, timeless and punctuated by brief
moments of relative clarity. What I can remember is open eyed visuals taking
the form of warping and bulging of the space around me, it looked like the
world had turned to syrup and was tilting in every direction slowly. I lost all
sense of space, if I closed my eyes and opened them again I would feel
completely lost, with no idea of what was up, down, left, right, forward, backwards,
I felt like I was the objects around me, not an independent being. Walking was
pretty much impossible.
If I closed my eyes, it would be
an instant OBE. No calm and gradual fading of myself, I was immediately cast
into the dizzying void. Each time my eyes closed, a similar journey would take
place, with the same sequence. First I would see the room around me. It looked
normal, with the colors being heavily saturated. Soon though, the dream space
would collapse into the swirling abyss, come apart piece by piece and dissolve
into nothing. I would be in a vast place I would call the dream nexus. It
seemed like an impossible huge spherical void, which I was free to float in.
The walls of this shell were covered with a grid of hundreds of thousands apertures.
This is where things got a bit confusing/
If I were to float in an
aperture, I would awake, in my bed again. I would get up and explore my house,
and encounter people I knew, either people I lived with, friends, or sometimes
strangers. We would interact, everything seemed very off though. We spoke in
terse non-sequiturs. I don’t remember any of what was said but it was all
surreal and emotionally empty. Everyone was emotionally empty and the color was
drained of the world. This whole time I was actually still just lying in bed
with my eyes closed. I could reset the cycle by opening and closing my eyes.
With eyes open, a similar effect
took hold, as if my brain was trying its hardest to imbue this feeling in me no
matter my state. Objects around me would morph into people, familiar people.
They would just stand there, merely exist, looking like furniture. They kept
appearing around me, hanging around me, I didn’t feel alone in my room at all,
and In retrospect I ended up having to ask my roommates if I really interacted
with any of them during that timespan (I didn’t).
T5:00-I wake up. I don’t know if
I fell asleep or if the past 3 hours have been a total blackout. I am down
enough to have functional motor skills, and it seems like my memory has touched
down and is recording again. I still feel VERY dissociated and spacey, I still
have the “dex walk” and still feel like everything is in motion. I have a sense
of direction again, and the visual effects have died down other than vision
being super blurry. I hang out with my roommates and go scavenging for junk with
them the rest of the night.
T9:00-I go to bed, still feeling
spacey. I wake up the next morning still feeling like I am on a low dose of
dex. Still feel the dex walk, but its not apparent and I look normal enough.
The world feels dreamlike and unreal, it seems like everything is just fading
into the background of existence. I have an appointment with my therapist and
he’s a bit irked that I’m altered while there. I still have vivid CEV’s, and if
I close my eyes long enough I can really sink into them and almost sort of
lucid dream. They are no longer replicated from the world around me, but rather
are randomly generated. They take the form of tunnels and moving geometric
objects.
-----------------
Soon after, I was put on a higher dosage of Bupropion. This is when things began getting weird and infinitely fascinating.
-----------------
Dose: 200 mg
Take 200 mg of DXM at a party, it
is mixed into a bottle of ginger ale. The drink is bitter and gives me chills.
It is pretty nasty, but definitely bearable and about as drinkable as hard
alcohol. For about an hour I am coming up, I am feeling definite dissociation
and a general spaciness. Around the comeup, my memory begins to blank and fall
away. Everything feels very distant, it is like everything that is more than 5
feet away has just been swirled and blurred into abyssal nonsense. I think I am
visibly intoxicated, moreso than anyone else there. One of the people who lives
at the house offers me to chill out in her room, probably because I was talking
about the visions I got from closing my eyes. Also my eyes had turned deep deep
blood red, more than anyone gets from being stoned, it probably looked very off.
These visions included:
A procession of strange geometric
alien figures, marching on a bridge between two mountains. They are strange
solid pastel colors. Some have eyes or discernable features, but they all have strong
right angles and straight lines, as if they have been molded or produced. I am
merely a witness to these visions, I do not interact with them. I am a
stationary camera watching them from afar.
A huge detailed ship crawls
across my vision. It feels like a spaceship, because its just kinda floating in
empty abyss, but there is definitely an open deck on top, which would make no
sense in space. There are canopied spaces and all variety of boxes and clutter
on the deck. It is very washed out and dark and gloomy seeming, the entire
vision is washed out.
A landscape with dead trees. I
don’t remember too much of this one, other than a blue glow on the horizon.
The next morning I feel very
spacey. This feeling lasts all day, it is like I was just high and slightly
dissociated when I woke up. This doesn’t wear off until I am awake for about 12
hours.
I soon after read about the whole metabolism and potentiation thing and figured I could try and play with it.
-----------------
Dose: 120 mg DXM, 150 mg
Bupropion, 150 mg DPH, 3 g Gabapentin
I had a little bit of DXM left,
and didn’t feel like going all the way to the store for more. I wondered how I
could make it go a long way. I had been reading earlier about the action of
CYPD2D6 inhibitors and the effects they can have on DXM. I happened to be
prescribed one of the most potent ones. I was already taking 450 mg a day. I
figured throwing another 150 mg on would make for an interesting interaction. I
decided to add some DPH to the mix too, both for its deliriant properties and because
it too is an inhibitor. Because bupropion lowers a person’s seizure threshold I
decided to take a ton of gabapentin too (I am prescribed 300 mg 3x a day).
I don’t remember the comeup much,
but I was cast into the familiar state of everything seeming distant and
metallic. Everything seemed to have rippling outlines, with tiny thin hairs
sticking out of these auras. It was like everything had a hairy aura I guess. I
began to feel like I had company, it was that feeling of the objects around me
being people, seeing something from the corner of my eye triggered a strong feeling
of sharing the space with another presence. I was alone for this entire
experience.
I went outside to sit in my
backyard and smoke, It was a nice dusk and the sunset was serene and pleasant.
While lying back there, I got a very vivid hallucination-A black cloud, looking
like a really thick puff of smoke, crawled across the sky like an amoeba with
pseudopods. It appeared to be 15 feet off the ground or so. It reached
powerlines, at which point it bent and altered its “limbs” to crawl over them.
It the flashed out of existence. This was wild, the powerlines looked hairy and
everything still had that aura. These hallucinations were unlike anything from
psychedelics, they were not patterns or alterations, but just total hallucinations.
I spent the next hour and a half relaxing back there, and the entire experience
is a strange hallcucinatory circus. The entire time, it feels like I am hanging
out with my friends back there like I have been pretty often at night the past
few weeks, they are communicating and interacting with me and each other. They
are hanging around, smoking, passing around a piece and joking and being warm
presences. Of course in reality, I am completely alone. These people barely
even manifest visually- They only appear in the corners of my eyes, and when
focused on they vanish. They are faceless, featureless, grey and ethereal. They
are loosely based off of real people I know, they are sentient silhouettes,
ghosts if you will. Sometimes they are standing, looming, walking around, and
we both feel like we notice one another. But once again, no one there,
absolutely nobody.
The next day, I am still pretty
dissociated when I wake up. I feel kinda numb and just very altered. Dex walk
is still apparent. Upon smoking, I am blasted right back into the dexosphere. I
no longer have the hallucinations of other presences. Rather, I am stricken
with debilitating dissociation and super clear and vivid closed eye visuals.
This time, I am floating above detailed landscapes, with rivers, rolling hills,
and completely desolate terrain, devoid even of plant life. Other
hallucinations include the typical zooming through a tunnel or between pillars.
-----------------
"a sort of worm, it was dull grey and a sort of wrinkly, and looked as if it was made of intestines. At one end was a toothy mouth lined in dark flesh (?), akin to a francis bacon painting (see study for 3 figures at base of a crucifiction). Upon seeing it, it seemed to flatten my experience and input, if a visual analogy were made it would be said that gazing upon it turned the world 2 dimensional and slew any sense of depth perception. It pulsed with a sickly green and pink aura, its sinews pulsing and bulging and warping. I do recall that upon opening my eyes, it was still there, in my vision, flattening my room, sitting dead center of my gaze no matter where I looked. Interestingly the ambient noise seemed to flang and warp in sync with the bulging and pulsing of its body. It eventually faded. This one seemed oddly familiar."
"two immense beings next to one another, impossibly huge, larger than anything on earth. I flitted around them like a speck of dust in a draft. These monolithic beings were vaguely human shaped, their matter seeming to be a sort of swirling darkness. These beings were completely and utterly indifferent to me and to anything human or any sort of human struggle. The entire history of the world would be a passing breeze to them. They were so alien and so incomprehensible cold, indifferent, and unfeeling that the air and rocks around them seemed to glisten with color and passion. My presence wasn’t just nothing to them, it was beyond nothing, them choosing to consider my existence was a cosmic impossibility and absurdity, and even if they did they would have no comprehension of something so below them. Being near them felt like holding my brain and sanity to a grinding wheel."
In addition are the sort of sentient beings in this realm, who are not as strangely powered. The strange amorphous and vaguely humanoid beings I just call dex-beings, who hide in my dreams and consciousness. They feel hostile.
There is also this essence of pale flesh, toothiness, smooth skin and pallor stretched over bones, eyeless naked beings and essences...
Here's some pictures about it:
 |
| This is what it feels like to mix DXM and CYP2D6 inhibitors/anticholinergics |
 |
| Inspired by a recent experience when sitting in my bathroom |
 |
| It's a lot like this |
I swim to the flat distant shore unmolested
the fleshy clouds are crawling through the atmosphere on this sickening idyllic day
the vista of flatland exposes itself before me, the eye drawn immediately to the one form breaking the monotony-
On the horizon, a silhouette standing on the flatness, I approach for an objective,
Erupting from the landscape, a pillar of a being, the pallor skin of the ground draping their phallic form, the fabric of the world pleating in ripples from and around them,
they are featureless, save for one great blood bruised maw the lips drawn back or ablated to be nonexistant displaying its taut gums and a rampart of great glossy teeth, clenched together by the weight of the world
Upon my approach,
they do not react, upon my close inpsection, not a breath is drawn, not a single muscle twitches in recognition. Before them is a dish
it contains:
3 little pieces of paper
4 little pink tablets of benadryl
a bottle of ruby red teeth
a note that reads:
"it laughs, it does
it lives, it does, it does,
of skin stretched tight, of the wicked teeth, it does, it has
of merely drifting in buoyancy, it does, it has, a friend,
a friend it has, a friend you have, a friend who
enshrouds you in a thousand night black mycelium embraces, it does,
come and say hell-o,
you do, you do, you do"
"
"
The form looms closer and larger into view, it does not move or react to my approach
its great silent shadow yawns around me, yawns across itself and screams into the sky from beneath the waves,
and at last, I drift into its breath, its blurred form giving way before me to the murkiest terror,
Latex membrane skin stretched over a frame of bones like clothes drying on the wind,
the greatest mouth of dental palisades, lurking above and around with smothering presence,
entirely indifferent to my being, it is feeble limbs and grey intestines,
One mouth yawns open as if pausing to speak, the syrup rushing into the void of its maw as a great black portal splitting before me
"
dank
ReplyDelete