Weight: 125 lbs
Dosage: 30 mg Intranasal
Setting: My apartment
T0:00-Insufflated, completely
painless and without irritation or discomfort, like snorting a cloud.
T0:05-Onset. I am feeling pretty
dizzy. It is beginning to thunderstorm outside. I step into my backyard and
stand in the rain wearing only boxers and a raincoat. The cold raindrops clatter
off of my steely body and thunder shatters the sky.
T0:15-The storm rages on, wind
sweeps through in great glassy punches. The raindrops seem to fall in slow
motion, or leave tracers, coming down as vitreous lasers that drill into the
ground. The rain trickles down the air. The water pools in my backyard,
touching my feet with a cool sensation that pulses and climbs up my nerves. I
begin to feel very heavy, every step I take is slower, heavier, done with more
effort. I am vibrating into numbness, not warm or cold just neutral grey
numbing warmth. I get that feeling of weight in my skull that I typically get
from dissociatives. I feel hyper focused whenever I look at something, though
that quickly fizzles away to just a stoned spaciness.
T0:20-Feels smooth now, not
really feeling like I am buzzing or vibrating anymore. Or perhaps I am buzzing
at such a high frequency that it feels smooth. This is such raw and blank
dissociation, it feels so utterly cold and neutral. The weight in my head sinks
into itself, it feels like some insect in my head made of lead curling up for
safety. The world become vitreous and gelly, the medium of air has been
replaced with crystal clear gelatin, my limbs being a thicker jelly navigating
this world in slow motion. Even time has become tangled in this gel, the world
slowing around me.
T0:30-This drug has very quick
action. I can’t believe it’s only been half an hour and I am this altered. I
have no body, only an estimation of what space I may occupy, and this space is
being compressed on all sides by Styrofoam. The dissociation is pure, icy, and
monolithically neutral. It begins to become hard to keep track of my thoughts,
and my short term memory begins to falter.
T0:35-Been thinking deeply about
my memories, I have been cast far out of my sober space. I feel as though I am
experiencing my memories in the third person. Moving has a distinct sloppiness and
floppiness reminiscent of DXM.
T0:40-I am dizzy and cannot sit
still. I am sweaty, but not particularly warm or cold. The world has been
reduced to plateaus, my vision is flashing and everything looks flat. I have
double vision and cannot easily read. I close my eyes and sink into CEV’s,
which appear very liney and blocky.
T0:50-I fall into holes of focus
on mundane things, like the facebook notification sound. I find a clip of the
sound (and older notification sounds from fb) and play it again and again,
wrapping the fullness of my thoughts around it, covering it in a webby mycelium
that pulls from it all associated knowledge and memories. The air appears dry,
shaky, and crystal clear, not composed of gasses, glass, or anything, just sheer
and unrelenting stale emptiness.
T1:00-Everything is so flat I am
so flat. I am thinking a lot about other people now, viewing them from every
angle hyperanalytically like with the sound clip before. My mind has become a
grey gelly tentacle creature with a great glassy eye, grabbing thoughts and
memories and gazing real close as it turns them over in its hands, viewing them
from every angle. The entire world stretches into a grim grey pallid smile, an
eternal dry grin, the world is bones and crags, smoothness jaggedness and
sterility. My mind is smeared blank, my thoughts begin to wander aimlessly. Why
do I like music? What makes it appealing? This feels like MXE if everything was
sinking and everything was a dead moth. This is pure ivory stasis and I am
being smeared across it. I begin to think about the future and every vision is
bleak and apocalyptic and ominous.
(notes begin to get more and more
incoherent)
T1:10-I begin getting visions of
a great flat pixelated world, faces floating above me, a blocky desert all
around me. Memories come back to tell me about how weird they are. I feel like
a million bubbles lifting upwards. The sun has appeared in all of its glory and
fury and my room burns with its incredible sterilizing light. I am so dissociated
that even getting up is a baffling ordeal. My hands look like they have been
crawling through a distant desert, like little scuttling creatures. Everything
is glistening and glowy but in a sterile blistering way, I feel like I am being
sucked down some great drain, but I am not large enough to fit. Reality has
become meaningless to me and everything sounds like it is coming through a fan.
I am so incredibly altered.
T1:20-I feel like a bug. Certain
drugs are very buggy to me, like this, 4-HO-MiPT, and Ketamine. The visuals,
the sky, everything is insects, a mechanical-biological world of strange
creaking clicking creatures. It’s all so mechanical and lifeless. I listen to
mechanical buzzy lifeless music that seems to resonate perfectly with my head.
I am not blessed by the landscapes and vistas and color and rush and sense of
adventure with some of my favorite dissociatives like MXE. Rather, I am just
sunk into this endless glassy grey quagmire of flat pallid nothing. Eventually
the world begins to be consumed by a ringing static. All of these
aforementioned qualities begin to fade to this buzzing shifting static, a
static that consumes, that spreads like a virus. It is a sea, and the grains of
sand on the beach, and the turbulent wash of all of those things together.
T1:30- I feel like I am
completely and entirely mechanical. To this end I spend the next 20 minutes or
so holding down keys on my keyboard to make a big ASCII pictures of absolutely
nothing. (see pastebin link). I still feel gelly, I still feel sunk, I still
feel awash in abrading and grinding static. My laptop screen caves in away from
me. It’s the blankest and most neutral trance imaginable.
T3:00- I forget how I passed the
time for the past few hours. I still feel like I am going just as hard as
before, this is a unrelenting long lasting dissociative, hammering my mind like
sheets of rain and hurricane winds. My mind feels so raw and bare, like it has
been eroded by winds, and its hollowed depths now host only the howling winds. I
feel like a rock in the desert, blasted into a bleak white by sand, sun and
winds every moment of every day. It is like the air is screaming. I am so spun
out, this is certainly not a functional dissociative.
T4:00- Visit a friend briefly.
Interaction is manageable at this point, although it was unthinkable before.
Being outside is strange and I still feel very altered.
T5:00- Mostly down by now. Go to
sleep an hour later.
Conclusion: This is a spooky
substance. It is one of the blankest and most neutral feeling dissociatives I
have ever taken. It robs me entirely of emotions, it is neither euphoric nor
dysphoric just incredibly blank and grey. It has a heavy sinking feeling, it
lacks the rush of MXE, MXM, 3-MeO-PCE or 3-MeO-PCP, rather it is just a sense
of sinking into myself, sinking into whatever surface I’m on, just total
sedation of my limbs to the point where they feel numb and fatigued. The sheer
coldness of it almost feels sinister. Not my favorite dissociative I’ve taken,
but an interesting one to explore.
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