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Monday, April 26, 2021

3,4-DCMP (aka 3,4-CTMP) ++ Diazepam + Flualprazolam + Norflurazepam + Pregabalin + 2F-DCK

 Age: 25

Weight: 130 lbs

Dosage: 6 mg oral + 6 mg intranasal + 6 mg intranasal of 3,4-DCMP, a whole plethora of things later to mitigate the effects

(20 mg Diazepam sublingual, .5 mg Flualprazolam sublingual, 10 mg Norflurazepam sublingual, 300 mg Pregabalin oral, 80 mg 2F-DCK oral)

Setting: My house

 

Introduction: 3,4-DCMP also known (erroneously) as 3,4-CTMP is a methylphenidate analogue equipped with 2 chorines on the 3 and 4 positions. As it stands, it’s a fairly standard and long lasting stimulant- what makes it special is that it is extremely potent relative to other common stimulants, with a common dose purported to be in the range of 6-8 mg. While this experience overall became tainted with a battery of depressants, I tried to weather the high-dose stimulant effects as long as I could and write about them, as during my research I couldn’t find any information on the effects of a dose that high (especially for one with almost no stimulant tolerance like myself).

Why did I take such a massive dose? Am I not an experienced and responsible researcher? This is a humbling story of how no matter how experienced one considers themselves, it is still incredibly easy to make mistakes. I am lucky that this mistake only led to a great deal of discomfort and not serious physiological or psychological harm. This was simply due to insufficient research beforehand and impatience. I did not realize until it was too late that this drug has a long comeup, especially when taken orally, and that it may be more potent intranasally. Furthermore, what followed in my mitigation efforts was perhaps noble and useful in its inception, but quickly spun off the rails into the territory of compulsive dosing driven by severely impaired judgment. This should all have been common sense but it wasn’t. As an instruction- one can always take more, one can never take less- never redose when experimenting with something for the first time, one can always try again later.

 

T0:00- first dose taken as 6 mg orally in gel cap.

 

T1:00- No real effects felt, I am getting impatient. This is my first mistake.

 

T1:30- Still not feeling anything. I decide to snort another 6 mg. This may have been a good stopping point, this is already a fairly high dose by any standard, but I did not end up stopping here.

 

T2:00- Still just only barely feeling it- in retrospect what I am feeling at this point may very well have been just the first dose. Why am I so impatient? I snort another 6 mg, for a grand total of 18 mg, 6 oral and 12 intranasal. I had errands to run later in the day- perhaps this was my way of trying to make them more exciting and give myself the energy boost I needed to go out? I certainly overdid it.

I find myself becoming more open and talkative, it's nice to talk about drugs with a good friend. It’s a pleasant sociable stimulant boost, one that isn’t quite yet overdone. I begin to read more about this drug however and begin to realize the gravity of what I have done. A certain anxiety sets in over what is to come.

 

T2:30- I've just been sitting in my room listening to music, feeling good, very euphoric and mentally stimulating without much push or motivation to do anything beyond what I’m already doing. It’s a nice alert high, I am chatty and jovial, this is something I could genuinely enjoy. I smoke a bit of cannabis.
Just as I was getting used to it and remarking on the lack of physical side effects, the consequences of my impatience come crashing down. My heart is racing, my muscles begin to tremor and twitch, my breathing becomes faster and shallower.

 

T3:00- Side effects have been growing- extremely fidgety and twitchy, every muscle in my body feels restless and unable to expend their newfound pent-up energy. I'm sure I look tweaked out to an external observer, every part of my body seems obligated to be in motion without pause. My heart is pounding furiously and it already hurts.

I am constantly swallowing, my jaw is grinding, it is hard to breathe or move right, everything feels uncomfortable and wrong, I am sighing constantly, it is like my body is doing every trivial motion it can to expend the stimulation. I am typing fast, though my thoughts aren’t really racing, I am mentally still lucid and my brain still proceeds at a normal pace. I would still consider the headspace to be pleasant at this point, this seems like it would be an enjoyable drug at a reasonable dose.

 

T3:10- Spoke too soon yet again- my thoughts are beginning to race now, this seems like it's becoming a tad untenable. While there was a brief island of focused, stimulated thought, I am now unmanageable, scatterbrained and distractable, far from land in any direction.

I am strongly considering aborting the experience for now. This doesn’t feel worth it to try and endure, The fact that the comeup can take 3-4 hours means that this is only going to get worse as time passes.

I am swallowing and sniffling and fidgeting a lot, getting some chills, feeling the tingle of vasoconstriction in my extremities. I want to try working on writing a trip report I had been working on, but I keep getting distracted. Everything is going so fast.

As there are no reports for this dosage of 3,4-DCMP and my life doesn’t feel in immediate danger, I decide to just weather the storm for the time being and see just how bad it can get.

 

T3:30- I meet up with a friend and pick up some Pregabalin. It is nice to be around a real person, I am predictably very chatty. Nevertheless he tells me I don’t appear outwardly stimulated or under any influence- perhaps a bit jumpy. We go grocery shopping together.

Any moments of silence feel particularly awkward and tense just because I'm so wired. It feels nice to get up and move and walk around, being outside and in motion takes the edge off of a lot of the uncomfortable effects. I walk home after this and settle back into stationary discomfort.

 

T4:10- Effects seem milder now, I do some housework that involves moving around so that helps a bit too. It feels like I'm already coming out of the storm but I know that that's impossible- it's only been about 4 hours. Nonetheless I do indeed feel like I am not breathing so shallow or fidgeting or shaking as much.

 

T4:30- Clearly was presumptuous in thinking the effects were phasing out already.  It all comes crashing back, lots of swallowing, lots of inane physical movement, lots of racing thoughts, lots of shaking, heart pounding and chest aching and shallow breathing. All the same. I am not enjoying myself but I still feel like I can hold out longer.

 

T4:40- Never mind that. It has only been about 5 hours and I already feel so strung out and worn out, I feel like I have run through a day’s worth of energy already. I have 0 appetite and a roiling discomfort in my gut that keeps me from refueling myself. This is wildly uncomfortable with no discernible gain and all signs point towards that pattern holding steady for the next several hours if not getting worse. I am not even sure if the later intranasal doses have reached their full effect yet but in my current state I am not particularly eager to find out. I decide to just phase the experience out with 20 mg of Diazepam to start, administered sublingually from dissolvable tablets.

 

4:56- The magic of Diazepam is that it kicks in very quickly. Things feel like they're slowing down a bit already, breathing less shallow, heart rate still fast but not as much as before, fidgeting a little less, sill grinding my teeth, feel a bit better overall though. I’m still very talkative. I definitely don’t feel calm or fully under the influence of a depressant- in fact I still feel quite stimulated just less so, as though I had taken a mid-range dose of a stimulant.

 

T5:50- The stimulation is still too much, I am yet again too impatient, I take .5 mg Flualprazolam to try and snuff out these residual effects- my choice of benzodiazepine in this instance owing to Flualprazolam being particularly sedating. To my great relief, my heart rate is becoming noticeably slower.

I don't even feel the benzos at all, they're clearly being overwhelmed. Definitely more manageable than before, but also not a state I could possibly sleep or relax in. I do feel exhausted and strung out, but it is a sense of being burned out, of having expended too much energy in aimless stimulation than any of this being true fatigue or sedation. I could not imagine the exhaustion that would be imparted running the entire gauntlet of 3,4-DCMP’s duration, much less compounded with the inevitable sleep deprivation.

 

T6:23- Heart rate is slowing down more, returning to a semblance of normalcy, the stimulation has left the core of my nervous system and migrated more into my limbs and muscles. I am just sitting alone in a room listening to music, it is difficult to settle on anything I like though.

 

T8:46- I still feel exhausted but also tense and uncomfortable. My legs feel an anxious restlessness coursing through them. I consider adding yet another benzo to the mix, one with more muscle-relaxing properties, in order to stifle some of this discomfort. I don’t want to fully sedate myself though. I am so restless and irritable with my inhibitions lowered by the benzos already in my system- I am a bit concerned I will continue to act even more impulsively or snap at someone out of sheer annoyance at my condition.

I just want this to be over, most of the symptoms have worn off but I just feel so mentally worn out and strung out and irritable that I can't really focus on anything or get anything done. My brain just feels foggy right now, more so than it would from benzos alone.

 

T8:50- I buckle and add 10 mg of Norflurazepam to the mix. This should be my hard stopping point, no more for tonight. If I still feel shitty after this, I will just have to put up with it. I think I may try to just take a stim nap and lie down and breathe slowly. I'm developing a headache from the muscle tension.

 

T9:10- I try to lie down a bit, get my thoughts to stop racing and to deal with this deep restlessness in my bones. It feels like a textbook case of restless leg syndrome. My judgment is severely compromised at this point and I opt to just throw the fucking kitchen sink at this experience.

I go for 300 mg pregabalin (taken from opened capsule for a faster onset) on top of three separate benzodiazepines- something I would never ever in good conscious recommend to anyone else. Combining depressants like this is extremely dangerous, combining stimulants and depressants is extremely dangerous (as is illustrated here, often dangerous doses of one drug can be taken to offset the effect of the other- the bad decisions just kept piling up today!), but it is a risk I accepted due to an existing tolerance to GABAergic depressants. I was a bit anxious about lapsing into unconsciousness as in past experience combining pregabalin and benzodiazepines tends to be extremely hypnotic.

A decision I could not comprehend or justify when I was sober again was to also at this point add an oral dose of 50 mg 2F-DCK, consumed as uncontained crystals also for a faster onset. Perhaps I figured that an NMDA antagonist could snuff out excess communication between my neurons? Though I’m not sure its inhibitory properties work in a way that suppresses dopaminergic stimulants. I am throwing everything I can to tame this beast, against all sense and judgment.

 

T9:55- Despite doing everything I would advise against, I am certainly beginning to feel more at peace, something I attribute to my booster dose of Norflurazepam. I begin to wonder if I was too hasty to stack on the Pregabalin and 2F-DCK- did I make the same mistake twice? Have I destined myself to a blackout or to passing out when I was already on a path to recovery? I don’t want to just fall asleep tonight I intended to work on some things around the house.

Heart rate is normal now though it feels sore and overworked for a bit, breathing normal now, feeling mostly drowsy probably because of all of the depressants, but distinctly stimmed up in my brain, with muscles still tense. I am alert and I definitely could not sleep. Still generally feeling uncomfortable, though less irritable with less brain fog or freezing up. Still hard to focus with no music or any activity really holding much appeal. It just feels like the pieces of my brain are all disjoint and not interacting with one another properly. I can't wait to get a good night sleep and have it wear off, though it is still too early for that. Not eating anything all day is probably compounding all the discomfort.

 

T10:05- For whatever reason I have added another oral dose of 2F-DCK, at 30 mg, bringing the consumed total to 80 mg. No idea what was on my mind at this point.

 

T11:00- I wake up my partner from a nap, they prepare dinner while I do housework. I am still functional but my motor skills are out the window, I'm stumbling and falling a lot. I have not had an appetite all day and I still do not. I am coherent and semi-articulate though my partner says I'm slurring some of my words. I am still high-energy and overly chatty, to their annoyance as they have just woken up. I feel lucid and exhausted, that sense of clarity that comes after a long day of physical labor even though I just stood still most of the day. I'm really in a mood to just get stuff done, despite my issues with balance. While I am clearheaded and can speak clearly, my words seem off, poorly chosen and poorly informed. I feel like I have ultimately settled into a nice sweet spot.

 

T12:00- Ah the dissociative that I inexplicably ingested has begun to kick in. I start to feel nauseous and every step feels like I’m on a boat. I am stumbling around, the nausea carries a sense of motion sickness rather than the poisoned sickness that can often accompany drugs. I eat 2 Datura stramonium seeds in hopes of alleviating this a bit. I still manage to get some work done with cleaning the basement, something I had intended to do all day. I am stuffing rubble and trash into contractor bags and moving a lot of boxes around, it mostly just feels like I am doing this task on hard more. My partner says I seem hazy, though I still feel like I can function as I need to. I am still talking way too much and slurring words together. I eventually haul all of the heavy bags upstairs and outside, I have no idea how I did not fall down the stairs at some point.

When I look at the walls I get light flowing visuals, gentle drifting textures like a thin film of water is running down them, or perhaps like cascades of dust slowly creeping down. The motion sickness subsides a little. Closing my eyes yields fields of abstract shapes. It looks like every blank surface is melting and flowing downward, an interesting effect.

Despite my best efforts, the stimulant is definitely still there, it's my bones, when I stop moving and sit down can feel the pent up energy demanding release, though it is heavily subdued now.

My mind is a bit less foggy, though I am mostly taken in by the novelty of how I feel. The worst has passed.

 

T12:49- My head is spinning, symptoms arise in flareups- shortness of breath, sudden heart pounding- like the 3,4-DCMP is fighting to punch through everything I have taken to contain it. What a vicious beast!

My memory is foggy and I doubt I'll remember this night clearly. I am on edge because the stimulation flares up, comes and goes, and then the depressants take over, smother me, lull me to a near sleep, the stimulant claws its way back into the picture, ad infinitum. It is not fun to have drugs battling inside of my body. Visuals still as downward drifting patterns on surfaces. With my eyes closed I see a tangle of worms or rusty nails tucked into some dark corner.

I roll a joint, I hope it will take the edge off and make me feel better, as far as nausea and such is concerned. My heart randomly pounding again. I feel tired but wired at the same time and my fingertips feel numb.

 

T13:45- I smoke in the backyard, still cycling through phases of sedation paired with bursts of energy. This drug is a fighter! I hope smoking a joint will settle my frazzled mind a bit.

 

T13:53- I do not know why I thought smoking an entire joint would help anything. In retrospect it was foolish to disturb the dust like this, and I yet again attribute this to my severely impaired judgment.  Predictably, the cannabis did the opposite. Everything was amplified, whatever illusion of functionality I could maintain before has collapsed entirely, I am extremely altered now. The joint really ramped up the effects of all of the different drugs coursing through my body, individually and in concert. My mind and body are in chaos now.

Each time I lean in to take a hit, the world closes in on me in interlocking prisms. Strange geometric figures lurk in the shadows. I feel like I am in a tightly enclosed space the entire time I am outside, like the entire world has turned to origami and folded and wrapped itself neatly around every inch of my form, crinkling and refolding to adjust every time I move.

When I get up to return inside, I am severely incapacitated. It is incredibly difficult to walk, every step lands somewhere I don’t intend, half of my steps inexplicably go backwards, it feels as though I am fighting an intense wind that is blowing me over. I don't really know how to hold my torso upright anymore so I'm bending backwards and into odd shapes at times. I manage to stumble inside, the 20 foot walk from my backyard to the couch inside being an immense challenge. I flop down and revel in being able to just sit still. I am able to talk to my partner normally enough apparently, though I am trying to hide just how altered I really am. I feel like I can keep mental lucidity even though it feels like a melting cascade of energy is falling upon my brain and melting it. Once I regain my bearings, we decide to go hang out upstairs. I recall crawling up the stairs on all fours, completely incapable of walking on them with my own two feet. I remember little else of the night from this point onwards.

 

T14:20- The nausea reaches a breaking point and I throw up. It sucks and feels terrible and doesn’t make me feel better. I ate almost nothing today so it was mostly dry heaving. The whole time, odd hallucinated papery membranes drape around the room, gently brushing against me while I struggle. I can barely stand up. I clean myself off and stumble out. I apologize profusely to my partner and change into pajamas, I feel as though I am on the brink of falling asleep.

 

T14:30- I am on the couch with my partner, just browsing the internet. There’s a big pile of blankets I keep leaning on and melting into. I have double vision and a hard time reading or making sense of anything, I don’t know why I’m even trying to be conscious at this point. Visuals flow down every surface lie a slow cascade of sand. The white background of my computer is a swirling abyss of gelatinous forms moving and pulsing like worms in a petri dish, cast against a backdrop of floral relief. My mouth is extremely dry, I decide to give up on using the computer and just snuggle up and close my eyes and sink into the hallucinatory effects. At some point I fall asleep and wake up on the couch very early the next morning.

 

Epilogue:

The next day I feel groggy, my head is foggy and I am still a bit off-balance and nauseous. I definitely took a bad situation and made it worse for myself. I am tense but chatty and in a decent mood. My heart rate is normal and my chest is no longer sore. I would like to try this drug again, but with significantly more caution. This was also an important lesson in losing all sound judgment when trying to mitigate one drug with other drugs.

 

 

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