I am quitting dissociatives and self experimentation. This is detailed in a final article.
Happy 10th year in review to this blog.
This will be shorter than my usual year in reviews, most of
what I want to say is in the final post. 2025 was of course dominated by dissociatives.
It was a year of attempted mitigation after the unemployed listless misery of
most of 2-2024. I locked my stash of dissociatives away from time to time with only
my spouse having access. This was admittedly not to restrict myself, but to conserve
what I had because I knew if I had had unfettered access I would just binge everything
into nonexistence. Which I did end up doing eventually.
My workaround came from obtaining things from different
sources while my main stash was locked away- buying things online from vendors,
receiving test samples of novel compounds. And honestly, 2025 was a banner year
for novel compounds. New on the market were O-PCPr, 3,4-MD-PCP, O-PCP, MXPCP, and
FXiPr. All of these are worthy and interesting compounds in my opinion. I
sustained by addiction on the backs of these novel compounds throughout much of
this year, though I also found ways to burn into my stash and fall into the familiar
patterns of use.
I spent an entire summer being extremely manic and
promiscuous in ways that feel embarrassing in retrospect. I was overconfident
and arrogant and my libido was controlling me. A major component of this was
pregabalin, which I used heavily at this point solely as an aphrodisiac. I
became a bit of a gym rat for a few months before burning out but gained several
pounds of just muscle in a very short amount of time. That felt good, and was
mostly separate from my drug use, but I fell off and couldn’t get back up.
I found employment finally. I love the job a lot, it aligns
with my interests and I work with some of the kindest most compassionate people
I’ve ever met. It just becomes unliveably slow in its off season with barely
any hours. It warranted me plenty of free time to abuse drugs.
Pregabalin is worked into my regular schedule. I use it 3-4
times a week, which is admittedly way too frequent, but I usually don’t notice
withdrawal symptoms unless I’ve used more than 2 days in a row, and its usually
just a little extra anxiety and insomnia, stuff I’m plenty used to unfortunately.
The social and confident hypomanic afterglow it gives me the next day has been
instrumental to my now very public facing life, my political organizing, and my
social and sexual life. Sometimes I would take it the night before something,
not to get high on it entirely but mostly for that aftereffect.
The highlight of my year was being invited to celebrate
Alexander Shulgin’s 100th birthday on his farm. So many of the most
pioneering minds in the world of drugs and self-experimentation were in
attendance- people I had idolized, whose work I had read and engaged with for
years, at the same party as me! People I looked up to so much treating me as a
colleague and an equal. So many incredible fascinating lovely people with
outsize effects on the world of drug self-experimentation. Mentors and friends
and internet friends I got to meet in person for the first time! I could go on
and on with stories from that party and the people I met but I don’t want to
get too tedious. I am just honored that I got to be a part of it.
Standing in Shulgin’s lab with my mentor in the world of
drug science felt like a religious experience. I love how we both zeroed in on
a spider that was crawling on a condenser. Wiling away the night in there
talking shop with chemists from around the world, from so many background and
walks of life and in so many “contexts”, it felt like Shulgin’s spirit was in
all of us, and I’m sure he would’ve been tickled to know his lab was still a
space of collaboration for the people who have taken upon the mission of
continuing his legacy.
Anyways.
Per my usual year in review format, here is my ranking of
every new thing I tried this year. This year was mostly entirely winners, I don’t
think I tried anything that I truly didn’t like.
1. FXiPr
This compound is so magical to me. Others weren’t a huge fan
of it, owing to its impotency and the unpleasant flavor/odor of the one batch
that was available. I learned to associate that smell with joy and comfort.
This is one of my favorite dissociatives of all time. Few are more therapeutic,
calming, grounding, and insightful. It truly helped me through one of the most challenging
times of my life, and I have made peace with likely never encountering it
again. It was the ultimate drug for helping me make peace with anything and
helped me to fully understand the dialectical method which has helped my mental
health and political life so much.
2. O-PCPr
A very nice short acting relatively potent heavy holey
compound with a nice degree of color, mania, and insight. Not nearly as much as
FXiPr, it is more neutral and not quite as heavy. It often just felt more
purely hedonistic than introspective. But it was still quite fun when I had it.
3. O-PCP
Another one that a lot of people didn’t like. First of all
it smelled like garlic powder, straight up. We analyzed it in my old lab and
still couldn’t find a good answer for what compound was causing that. Second of
all, it is really boring on its own! And seems to fluctuate wildly in potency
between people. The magic of this one though is combining it. It is a
completely different experience when combined with other drugs, particularly
things like Pregabalin or other dissociatives. It’s magical and deep and manic
and fun. This can also be found with very high doses of it, but I don’t
recommend doing that. I wish I had written a report just combining it with 3-MeO-PCP
or something.
4. 7-OH-Mitragynine + Mitragynine Pseudoindoxyl
Lumping these together because I’ve never had Pseudo on its
own. It’s cool that it feels like an oxy, too much makes me feel really awful
and sick. It’s cool that you can’t really get a respiratory depression overdose
from it alone. It also usually makes me feel like shit the next day, fatigued
with low appetite. The hangover often makes it not really worth it.
5. MXPCP
This is a decent enough dissociative I guess, it’s fun and
manic. It’s good for mindless activities like dancing. I don’t think it’s too social
expect at low doses because it has a sort of inhibiting stupefying effect where
I become inarticulate and can’t really focus or think coherently about things.
But it has a wonderful warm and fun bodily rush and is great for moving around.
6. Loprazolam
Very standard heavy medium duration benzo. Not a ton to say
about it.
7. Cathinone (Catha edulis)
I was talking to Andrew Gallimore at Shulgin’s birthday party
when we both suddenly noticed we were standing next to a Khat plant in his
garden. So naturally we plucked a few leaves and chowed down. Not a whole cheekful.
And damn does it work. I felt the standard cathinone effects like heart flutter
and excess finger fidgeting. I don’t really like cathinones. But it was a cool
experience in context.
No comments:
Post a Comment