Methoxphenidine

Age: 21

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 150 mg oral in gel cap

Setting: My apartment

T0:00- Dose taken in gel cap.

T0:30- Not feeling anything so far other than a slight nausea.

T0:50- Onset. I am very suddenly feeling pretty dissociated. It feels as though my head has been turned into a brick, dense and inert. The world has been tilted askew as numbness tingles into my fingers. The dissociation feels like it is originating in my extremities and creeping inwards.

T0:55- It has gone from onset to comeup quite quickly. It’s as if a dissociative time bomb had been cooking within me for the past hour or so and it had just burst, splattering anesthetic shrapnel throughout the inside of my being. I am sinking into my bed as if it is made of soft mud and the room begins to rock like a boat on choppy water. My skin feels like its tightening and my mind feels like it is being wiped of thought, as if to force it to a place of neutrality. When I close my eyes I am greeted by a bunch of concentric rectangles, glowing like the static of a CRT screen in a dark room, with fuzzy indistinct silhouettes of figures standing in front of it. With my eyes open I begin to see an array of rings with squares inside of them adorning the walls that buckle and bend inwards towards me.

T1:00- I am going up and up. This drug is very buzzy and I feel like I am vibrating faster than a human body normally can or should. I can particularly feel my teeth buzzing against each other. Time feels like it is splitting into frames and my body has an aura around it that forms a solid copy for each frame that passes, leaving a trail of 3 dimensional tracers in my form. What was once a sinking feeling has given away to a total liquefaction of my being. I am now some sort of syrup or gel that is beginning to leak and drip off of my bed. I am being blasted with pulses of dissociation like blasts of light. It feels like saran wrap has been draped over me and is clinging to me, binding me, wrapping around me and floating away as a little vesicle. I am shaking and I am cold and I am floating on a tiny island. My lips are buzzing and feel very sensitive in contrast to the rest of myself. Keeping my eyes open takes a great deal of effort. I decide to take a gravity bong hit of cannabis to kick things into the next gear.

T1:15- My body has been crushed into oblivion and I have quickly been reduced to a stray mind floating in a great void. I am gummy and moving in slow motion. Whatever membrane that surrounded me has ruptured and my existence is cascading into the fissure like a great waterfall being sucked into a drain. I drift around this immense void, with great pulsing radiating disembodied buildings floating around me like in the very final scene of Akira (excuse the reference but it was almost entirely analogous to that). Hands are wrenching my essence from right angles and are pulling it apart, disintegrating me into obscurity. Opening my eyes is like popping up on the surface of the water after diving down for a long time- I find myself short of breath and very disoriented, briefly quite unaware of where I am or how I got there. With eyes open I have a slightly better sense of body, and everything is like tendrils. I feel like I am a big U shaped noodle. My legs are unctuous, they are like a strand of spaghetti or an oil slick floating atop an undulating sea, waving and rippling at the mercy of the waves. Strange red block figures, perhaps distant ambassadors from ‘the other’ manifest with my eyes closed, although they are blurry and indistinct, watching me unobtrusively from a distance. The sound of my computer fan becomes distorted into garbled mumbling voices, like an auditory pareidolia.

Mentally, I just feel a pure and neutral dissociation, like my mind has been literally shaken to the point of being invalid and nonfunctional. I can’t really think about anything no matter how hard I try, I am at the mercy of whatever stray thoughts choose to drift by, like being forced to stare at clouds drifting across in the sky. I am blank and content and blissfully disconnected from the world around me. My memories of the day prior trickle in and feel like fiction in my head, becoming indistinguishable from the memories of recent dreams I have had. My daily life suddenly seems alien and baffling.

T1:30- This trip is rapid and energetic, yet I feel entirely unable to use my body to any degree. I am paralyzed with these same blissful pulses of dissociation. This experience has been dominated by visions of a great upside down triangle, a powerful structure radiating the security of its energy, radiating the potential force contained its angles. I feel as though this is the symbol of the “other”, perhaps not the “other” that I typically encounter, but a different “other”, one unique to this substance, one that holds reverence for straight lines, for linear vibrations, and for concentric pulses of force. I feel that I have entered a special and exclusive hole that few get to access, and that I have passed their test, that I am being recruited into their cadre.
I get a vision of being a serpentine creature with bird head, constructed from harsh angles and straight lines, I am in an area or amphitheater, similarly devoid of any curves or circles. The lines of the structure are repeating and trailing and closing in on me, wrapping me in their vibrations, pressing on me from all sides.

T1:50- The open eyed visuals appear as tendrils and branching blood vessels throbbing across the distorted and impossible walls of my room. I am still a liquid, conforming to whatever surface I occupy and sloshing around within whatever contains me. It also feels like I am under water, like I am some piddle of a dense and viscous fluid resting on the bottom of the sea, the currents shearing my surface away into the swirling abyss. My fingers feel long and floppy like they are made of clay. I am slowly regaining more of a sense of body and solidity, and I am still buzzing and vibrating a great deal but I am coalescing into some coherent form at least. My thoughts are scrambled and incoherent, evidenced by several notes I had taken at this point that make absolutely no sense to me. Time seems to be passing slowly, it feels as though time itself has coagulated and become gelatinous.

It’s very hard to move, but I don’t want to anyway. I feel extremely comfortable, as if my perception of physical self is pouring back into me and settling into the ideal position for maximum pleasure. I find myself constantly short of breath. My thoughts are so scattered and disconnected that I feel like an alien, that the contact with the other has seared my brain temporarily and that it is still trying to sort things out and reassemble itself in some way that will function in our world.  

I would definitely say I am out of the hole at this point. I try to smoke more cannabis but it fails to launch me back up to where I was. I resign to simply relaxing and letting the experience drain from me as my being filters back in.

T2:30- I am drifting down. I have been playing a peaceful and ambient game for the past hour, for lack of anything better to do. I am too impaired still for most activities anyways. My tongue is numb and the inside of my mouth is tingling. I try to eat a little and I can’t really taste it. Closed eyed visuals still present as simple angular straight-lined geometric forms.

T6:00- I still feel physically floppy, although I am mostly down otherwise. Socializing is difficult at first, I find it difficult to hear, and the bright lights outside of my room are jarring. My short term memory falters in conversation, but I eventually get used to it and I am able to do things normally.

T8:00- Go to sleep. Wake up feeling a bit distant the next morning, with a pleasant afterglow that lasts throughout the day.

Conclusion: MXP in my past experiences was never a substance to send me down the “hole”, but in my recent experiments it has surely proven itself. Perhaps it’s the addition of cannabis, or my setting, but overall it provides an exciting and interesting experience that almost feels like an abraded and dulled down psychedelic, devoid of color and with a mysterious damper taking hold of my thoughts and moving them uncontrollably along some predetermined track. Overall it is very buzzy and vibrate-y.  

2C-iP

Age: 21

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 50 mg oral in gel cap

Setting: My apartment

T0:00-Dose taken as soon as I get out of class with 8 mg Ondansetron for nausea. I decide I’m going to go by myself to run some errands on the other side of town.

T0:05-While waiting for the subway I am struck with a sharp pain in my stomach and lower abdominal cramps. It passes after about a minute or so.

T0:30-After a long subway ride I go to a grocery store that specializes in south Asian foods. While walking there from the subway, I feel some enhancement of thought processes and heightened music appreciation. No noticeable effects in the body or in my senses.

T0:40-As I’m shopping around the grocery store I am hit with this wave of pulsing burgeoning swiftness, like suddenly my thoughts have accelerated. I find myself manically pacing the store, getting distracted and forgetting what I was there for. I can feel a bit of lightness in my body. I would call this the onset.

T1:00-I’m feeling nice, very uplifted both physically and emotionally. I decide to walk half of the way home instead of taking the subway. It’s very cold out but I am substantially bundled up and can feel a great psychedelic warmth radiating from my core, thawing the frigid air from around my body. I am thinking a great deal to myself while walking, heavily fantasizing about potential positive futures or other satisfying outcomes for my life. This reminds me of the sort of positive self-thought that comes from empathogens. I feel entirely enraptured in my own mind, almost unaware of the outside world, walking along mechanically and automatically and completely ignoring all the other people I come upon. Visuals pick up slightly as light and indistinct patterns in the sky, flashing in rainbow colors. Not much else though.

T1:30-I decide to take the subway the rest of the way home. Upon reaching the station and finally standing still, I realize how hard I am tripping now. I feel physically uncomfortable due to the nervous stimulation and twitching in my limbs. Sitting still is nearly unbearable, I want to get up and pace, but I also feel very awkward being near all these other people. I feel so dissociated from them and they all seem so alien. The visuals have made themselves very apparent now. They seem to have formed into all variety of pulsing concentric circular shapes interspersed with intricate tangled lacework patterns. All of the tiles on the floor of the station appear to have conchoidial fracturing patterns on them. Overall the visuals are very abstract and don’t really seem to follow any sort of larger organization or symmetry. The subway comes and I take my seat. I am anxious to get home the entire ride, shaking and hiding my face from people.

T2:00-I arrive home. Walking around was scary, the high schools had just let out so there were crowds of teenagers everywhere and I had to walk through these crowds to get home. I normally have no issue with this but pushing your way through a crowd while progressively tripping harder and harder on psychedelics can be jarring. While walking it almost felt as though my body could not keep up with my mind, as if I had some projection in my mind of arriving home faster but that projection went beyond my physical capabilities.

I smoke a joint immediately upon arriving home. The nausea that was somewhat apparent the last time I took this has not been an issue, but I do notice some other painful abdominal cramps and a bit of a twisting discomfort all throughout my body. I am very wired and shaking very hard. I chew some gum to quell the jaw clenching. My thoughts are flowing quickly and efficiently, and I find myself spending a great deal of time just reading about whatever catches my interest on the internet, similar to how many other psychedelics manifest for me. The open eyed visuals are picking up, while the closed eyed visuals are curiously relatively faint. With my eyes closed, there appear great checkerboard diamonds radiating their patterns into infinity and pulsing in the aether. The open eyed visuals are like a tangled web of roots or mycelium, dancing and intertwining with itself across every surface, its form seemingly following some sort of mathematical or fractal patterning. They nestle themselves into formation while pulsing and flashing with waves of purple and teal. Soon my entire visual field is shaking, as if the world is coming apart at the atoms, as if these webs have woven their way deep into the fabric of existence and are slowly splitting it apart like how water seeps into cracks and freezes to cleave rocks apart. It is as though the world is screaming from being torn apart, but the fundamental deconstruction of all things has subdued this scream to a muffled shout. While I am very altered, I also still feel very grounded and lucid and functional in some sense. Perhaps my entire frame of reference has been shifted aside into some esoteric realm and my “grounded” is objectively cast into some distant space. The visual circuitry that has been disseminating throughout my sensory field seems to crackle and sizzle, searing cancer into reality, belching out plumes of smoke from the charred fabric of every intertwined atom. The room appears foggy now.

T2:40- I am very stimulated, not being able to sit still comfortably in any position for long and shaking a great deal. I am also sweating vigorously now. It feels like I have done so much in the past 40 minutes, and that time has slowed down around me, but in reality I have just been reading a lot about WWI on the internet. Nonetheless, it does feel like I’ve taken in a great deal of information, moreso than I would expect myself to in that span of time. The visuals now appear as radiating geometric patterns, still a degree of abstract and amorphous. They do not stand out as being particularly interesting or spectacular, this just feels like a very standard energized psychedelic experience. I physically feel very hot, and there is a burning sensation deep in my body that radiates through my veins like a poisoned fire consuming a building, reducing it to a desert of toxic ash that billows up in great choking plumes at the slightest disturbance.

T4:15- I have found myself very focused and able to read a great deal at once, only facing a small degree of the incapacitating distractibility that usually prevents me from reading. My friends have come over and are hanging out downstairs with my roommate but I’m content to be holed up in my room, immersed in the steely blue fog of this drug. I have noticed at this point I feel like I must urinate very frequently, though when I try to go I find myself unable to. This eventually leads to my bladder feeling very sore and strained. This only progressively gets worse throughout the night.

T6:00- I finally decide to go downstairs and join my friends. It still looks like everything is foggy and smoky, and the air outside of the warm confines of my room chills me to the bone.  Being in a well-lit space surrounded by other people is very disorienting. I thought I was mostly down but the sudden immersion in a new environment makes me realize just how hard I am still tripping. Conversation initially is awkward and difficult, however as time goes on I find myself more capable. It’s similar to jumping into cold water and slowly acclimating to the temperature. I am hearing and feeling this crackling sensation in my inner ears, especially while I am talking or if I have my mouth open. This fades after about an hour but is certainly novel and mysterious.

T10:00- We have been hanging out and smoking weed for the past few hours. The open eyed visuals have been coming in waves, seemingly independent of when I smoke. They mostly appear as those same labyrinthine laceworks that swirl and twist and dance on any flat surface. I find myself much more able to do social interaction now, in fact I find myself more able to than when I am sober, a typical effect of psychedelics. We watch this absurd Kung-Fu movie I picked up from a souvenir shop in Chinatown, with incomprehensible subtitles, an incoherent plot, and absolutely absurd acting and visual effects. It’s one of the most entertaining and baffling things I have ever seen and the comedown of the drug has certainly enhanced that. While the trip winds down, the urinary effects have only gotten worse. I find myself laden with chills and overall discomfort, but the bladder pain is certainly the worst aspect of it all.

T16:00-I finally decide to go to bed. The cognitive and sensory effects of the drug have mostly worn off by now but I am still racked with physical disturbances. I still feel very stimulated and no position I lie in feels comfortable. I am shaking fiendishly. My abdomen aches. I still have to get up about every 20 minutes to pee, it is painful and uncomfortable and the bladder aching still persists. This just plain sucks now. After lying awake and tossing and turning for some unknown amount of time I eventually fall asleep.

Epilogue: The horrible physical symptoms continue into the next day. The same abdominal cramps, nausea, shaking, and urinary pain and urgency consist, showing no sign of letting up. I feel feverish and sweaty all day and have a great deal of trouble regulating my temperature. This sucks a lot. I have almost no appetite and can barely eat all day. I give myself a heavy cocktail of sedatives around bedtime so I don’t have to toss and turn while suffering through this again. I feel better the next day.

Conclusion: This drug is okay at best. The last time I tried it at 30 mg I barely had threshold effects, but the urinary symptoms presented in full force. At that time, I had been experiencing less acute versions of those symptoms for some time before the experience, so I was hesitant to blame the drug. This time however, demonstrated that the drug was definitely responsible for exacerbating that state, and it seems it is quite capable of inducing those symptoms in me when they weren’t already present. The headspace was interesting enough but not particularly unique. I could get the same thing from other 2C’s without the horrible toxic effects on my body. The only part that stood out as pleasant was the comeup before the bodyload really kicked in. The sensory effects weren’t particularly interesting either, with only moderate and fairly abstract visuals. The whole trip felt like being seared by a cold toxic fire. One thing to note is that both times I took this drug I didn’t feel like I was tripping very hard, but in retrospect I realized how separated from my consciousness I really was. This one has a very long and very gradual comeup that immerses one into the experience so slowly that they may not even notice when it starts to really come on.