This is version 2 of a piece I previously wrote, describing all of my experiences with benzodiazepines up until that point in my life. I have updated the intro a great deal and almost doubled the amount of compounds, along with reassessing some I had used more since I first wrote this article. The old version will not be deleted but any benzos in the sidebar will now link to this version.
People
feel a lot of ways about benzodiazepines to say the least. I personally found
great utility and benefit in them for specific purposes, and also a great deal
of recreational potential. But it is impossible to talk about those benefits
without weighing them against the immense costs that they can exact. Benzos can
and will ruin lives if people are not careful, and they can do so very quickly.
While
some of these compounds do not technically fit the standard benzodiazepine
structure, and could be referred to as Thienodiazepines and the like. Their
near identical mechanism of action however, will have me just lumping them as
benzodiazepines and for shorthand I will be referring to them as such.
My
personal trajectory for benzos began with pills purchased from friends and
street dealers. Clonazepam and Alprazolam and Lorazepam, used sporadically when
I could get them. My consistent use began with Etizolam, using it a few times a
week fairly sustainably for a few years. I used it chaotically as I had no
means of measuring its small doses and at the time liquid solutions weren’t
widely available. I just had a bag of powder that I kept on my person at most
times, along with a bobby pin or a honey locust thorn. I would dose by just
dipping into the bag and licking the powder off. Repeated use made me pretty
good at keeping the dose consistent. I introduced Flualprazolam into my
rotation and found in it a utilitarian hypnotic. My curiosity was piqued and I
sought out what range of experiences the rest of this family has to offer- With
such an explosive variety of compounds currently on the market I had to wonder-
what made each of these unique? The benzodiazepine experience is after all
fairly standard and substances can at times be indistinguishable but I wanted
to see for myself.
My
primary directive in using benzodiazepines was usually a gentle end to a night
of using other drugs, such as psychedelics, stimulants, or dissociatives, it
would snuff out any residual stimulation and put me to sleep. They were also
quite fun in their own right and I would often also spend some nights alone
with them in a purely recreational space. I would almost always take them at
night, to enjoy a few hours before bed. For a time they also were essential to
my writing process, there was something about them that disinhibited my
thoughts in a way where I could focus and pump out a great deal of writing in a
short time, particularly when combined with manic dissociatives. This state, of
course, carried many risks.
In
2020, I did slip into a period of mild physical dependence, but I was
fortunately able to quickly taper off without incurring the nightmarish depths
of what benzo discontinuation can afflict. I got mild withdrawal- overwhelming
dread and anxiety, multiple sleepless days from the insomnia that still
afflicts me, tightness and pain in my chest and persistent nausea. I got lucky,
as this only lasted for about a week. For some who are deeper in, it is worse
and more intense, and for much longer. I stayed off for a month or so, then
gave up and came back. So long as I am a polydrug user, benzos were just too
useful. For a time, I tracked my use in an excel sheet to monitor my usage and
budgeted days per week. It's a fine line to walk on a slippery slope.
When
I first wrote this in 2021, my average use was 2-3 times a week, varying
compounds, varying doses. At times it felt like I had built up a bit of a
tolerance, though this would fluctuate wildly and can make it difficult to
predict doses. Some days I will be blindsided by doses that would on other days
be entirely manageable. This is perhaps connected to my regular use of NMDA
antagonists, (eg; Steppuhn & Turski 1993). I find I can abstain for a time
without experiencing discontinuation effects, and for a time, there didn’t seem
to be kindling effects.
After
several years however, the way that benzodiazepines affect me changed
drastically. I almost never use them at all these days. I am not sure if this
is now some sort of physiological kindling effect from repeated periods of
using followed by extended periods of not using. Nowadays, when I use them,
they make me amnesiac for the entire next day after the experience, sometimes
up to 2 days depending on the compound. This can be annoying and inconvenient
when living a life where I have to remember things. I also find myself just in
a depressive, hopeless, anhedonic state, where I’m almost non-functional. I’m
also beset by a persistent fatigue for the whole day that is annoying to say
the least. It comes to a point where when I use them, I have to plan to have a
day afterwards to do nothing, where no one tells me anything important I need
to remember, where I will just be gloomy and lethargic. It is hardly worth it
at all for a few hours of blissful creative confused anxiolytic euphoria the
night before. I do find that they are still very beneficial for writing for me
and still use them for that purpose, with the expected hangover day built in
after.
It
would not be responsible for me to write about benzos without writing about how
absolutely, life-ruiningly destructive they can be. Benzodiazepines are
probably the worst thing you can be addicted to, next to alcohol. Even in the
deathly minefield of opioid addiction, you don’t risk actual death from
withdrawal, something that benzos are fully capable of. Heavy addiction can
take months to years to mitigate, if at all, and that entire period of time
will be a drawn out torture of anxiety and cascading associated psychosomatic
symptoms. They can be useful if used sparingly, but the moment that one
develops a physiological dependance, they are on a path that will almost always
only be navigated away from with great, great suffering, and the longer one is on
that path, the greater the suffering will be. I would genuinely advise people
to avoid them altogether, but ultimately I cannot make choices for people. And
I would be remiss to deny that they have had benefits in my life, but those
benefits have come from walking on a razor’s edge that could’ve plunged into a
permanent oblivion had the right crisis or stressor struck at the right time.
It
would also be irresponsible not to mention the extreme short term danger of
benzodiazepines- their tendency towards compulsive redosing, the delusions of
sobriety that can quickly turn into situations with drastic social or legal
repercussions. The amnesiac effects are extremely dangerous and they can easily
induce total blackouts, especially when combined with alcohol or other
depressants (which also carries a risk of fatal respiratory depression). In
these blackouts, people can undergo drastic shifts in behavior- they may
suddenly find themselves aggressive, confrontational, kleptomaniac, offensive,
or engaging in risky sexual behaviors they would not otherwise. This also lends
to another dark side of benzodiazepines, where they are given to people without
their consent for the purpose of sexual assault and rape, where the amnesic and
disinhibiting or even sedating qualities benefit reprehensible predators.
People will black out and operate motor vehicles, maiming or killing themselves
or others. They will destroy relationships, harm their employment, fall into
unrousable sleep at inopportune times, destroy themselves financially, and
physically harm themselves and others. You can find plenty of testimonials to
the dangerous acute effects of benzos on r/bartardstories.
But
hey, they are pretty fun. Like, really damn fun. There is undeniable
recreational appeal and they have a major cultural hold (per the “Xandemic” era
of hip hop and pop culture in the late 2010’s). They can be wonderful for
social situations and absolute ambrosia to the anxious. Prescription
benzodiazepines, when carefully managed, have helped millions of people manage
life-ruining anxiety. There is simply nothing on earth that has the power to
immediately end a panic attack like benzodiazepines. The pandora’s box is
already widely open, so why not talk about it?
Lastly,
I would like to give an honorable mention to the “Z” drugs, a series of
compounds that act similarly as positive allosteric modulators on the GABAA
receptor, but have an entirely different chemical structure. I have tried two
of these, Zolpidem (Ambien) and Eszopiclone (Lunesta). I find them identical in
effect, but Zopiclone gives me a nasty chemical-tasting side effect. Zolpidem
is something that I use often. It will put me to sleep no matter what is in my
system and gives no lingering side effects the next day. If I do not
immediately fall asleep though, it is the ultimate danger drug- it consistently
puts me in a state of total-amnesia, during which I engage in bizarre
behaviors. This is common to many people- r/ambien is a testament. Personally,
I have a tendency to become really clumsy and break things and arrange the
pieces in organized piles of gradually smaller to larger. I do not know what
causes this compulsion and aside from broken materials, it is ultimately silly
and harmless. I have done and said all sorts of other strange things in
Zolpidem blackouts that were embarrassing but trivial. People can obviously do things on Zolpidem
that are not merely silly and harmless, sometimes involving fire or motor
vehicles. In times when I have dosed it and intentionally stayed awake to
experience it, the bits I could remember were greatly euphoric and creative-
with shadowy figures lurking in my periphery and a sensation that I was in a
crowded room- the total blackouts with odd behavior were usually unintentional
collateral damage for when my body wasn’t laid down fast enough to when effects
took hold. I would typically dose at 10 mg. The effects would plateau around 30
mg – I have taken doses up to 100 mg and found them identical to 30 mg. It
would never force me asleep- if I put myself in the setting and intention to
fall asleep I would easily and immediately. If I didn’t-well- trouble would
ensue.
For
my judgment of each compound, I look to a number of metrics to characterize
them- duration, potency, and the different proportions to which they express
the varying effects. To give context and a point of reference for how the
benzodiazepine experience manifests for me, the qualities I analyze are:
Amnesic: The
degree to which the substance inhibits memory. It is rare that I get a full
blackout, but hazy memory is definitely a consistent effect that can often
linger for several days. This is usually how I can tell with certainty that the
drug is having an effect.
Hypnotic: The sedating potential of the substance, both during the
experience and in the following days.
Muscle relaxant: How much the substance affects muscle tension, physical
sense of relaxation, and ultimately loss of motor control at higher doses.
Functional: How functional the substance is, particularly linked to its
sedative, amnesic, and muscle relaxant properties, which act in constellation
to affect overall functionality. Such properties can manifest in strong ways
that may inhibit movement, linear thought, induce confusion, and reduce the
ability to communicate coherently.
Euphoric/creative: This is why I love benzodiazepines. Some have an inherent
euphoria, but what shines for me is their enormous creative potential. The
effect I most seek from benzodiazepines is they offer a childlike imaginative
immersion into any task at hand. Whether it be videogames, house chores, or
tasks at work, my imagination would color these menial experiences with a
creative veneer. Think to Calvin and Hobbes, where Calvin projects the worlds
of his imagination onto the mundanities of his daily life. Benzos make me feel
like Calvin.
Anxiolytic: The
degree to which the drug reduces baseline or acute anxiety, the general sense
of "calm" and well-being.
Disinhibiting: The degree to which the drug will lower inhibitions-
whether that be socially or through inducing risk-taking behaviors and
impulsive decisions.
Interaction with other drugs: The ability of the drug to reduce or cancel
out stimulant effects of other drugs, abort terrifying hallucinogenic
experiences, and the ability to induce sleep in the presence of stimulants.
Also worth consideration is a possible synergistic or positive relation it may
have with other substances, particularly dependent on dose.
The
dose and response will be in reference to what I consider discreet tiers of
intensity that benzos can offer.
Therapeutic dose: Yields the subtlest anxiolysis, a fleeting mist of
amnesia, maybe a fleck of euphoria. Absolutely functional and outwardly sober.
Recreational dose: A compounding of effects that would compromise
functionality, with burgeoning euphoria. I am certain that I am under the
influence of this drug. I can for the most part disguise my high from others.
It should be noted that this might not necessarily yield an enjoyable
“recreational” experience, but rather the phrase is just to represent the
midrange between a therapeutic dose and total inhibited intoxication.
Intoxicating dose: I can't maintain a coherent string of thought or
conversation, I trail off and slur my words and have difficulty moving around,
the amnesia strikes much of the experience from memory. I am visibly
intoxicated to others. It should be noted that some compounds seem to
simply pass from recreational dose to hypnotic dose and bypass the intoxicated
experience.
Hypnotic dose: A dose which ultimately just smothers out all other effects
and puts me to an uncontrollable sleep no matter what task I'm engaged in.
While sleep does come more easily with any dose of benzodiazepines, I consider
a hypnotic dose to be one that forces me to sleep against my will. Many a time
I've woken up somewhere that isn't my bed. This is typically a signifier of a
very high dose- I can't seem to reach this point with certain compounds, and
with others I simply haven't tried yet.
So
with those criteria in mind, here is a brief description of every
benzodiazepine and benzodiazepine-like compound that I have ever consumed. Some
were consumed just once when they crossed my path via friends or strangers.
Others were consumed habitually. I factor this into my characterizations of
each. My descriptions will be as detailed as I can make them.
Benzodiazepines
vary a lot between people. I know for a fact that some of my experiences with
some of these drugs are far different from what the majority of users describe.
I do not intend of these descriptions to be objective fact, and I do not intend
for this to be a reference book, tripsitter.com is a good objective reference.
Nevertheless, I figured I would offer my vast range of experiences as another
data point for the possibilities of what these drugs can do.
IMPORTANT NOTE: The dosages I list are purely a reference for
me- due to my tolerance they may be slightly higher than what would be
effective for a benzo-naive person. I do this to show the range of doses that
will achieve certain effects. DO NOT use this as a dosage recommendation guide-
turn to tripsitter for that. Thos information is shared just to provide context
for my experiences.
THESE ARE SIMPLY MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH THESE COMPOUNDS. I
AM NOT TRYING TO OBJECTIVELY DEFINE THEM. DRUGS ARE HIGHLY SUBJECTIVE IN MANY
WAYS. MANY PEOPLE EXPERIENCE THESE DRUGS DIFFERENTLY THAN I DO. DO NOT USE THIS
AS YOUR SOLE SOURCE OF INFORMATION FOR ANY OF THESE COMPOUNDS.
Substances
listed in Alphabetical order.
Alprazolam (Xanax)
By
far the most famous benzodiazepine- It was like cocaine was to disco for a subset
of soundcloud rappers, it’s heavy use and influence and constant reference in
music led to the “Xandemic” era of the 2010s, it was so prevalent that one
rapper even named himself after the drug. Alprazolam is a very standard and
neutral benzodiazepine that delivers all of the expected effects, short acting,
with a timid presence that definitely grows heavier with increasing doses. The
short activity makes it primed for binging. It would drive euphoria and
imagination, it was sufficiently hypnotic, fairly amnesic, especially if redosed.
There's a reason it's so widely prescribed, and there's a reason people consume
exorbitant amounts of Alprazolam. It really is fun to spend a day just tossing
them back and certainly getting heavily incapacitated but still being conscious
to enjoy it. It would only rarely force me asleep and it made sleep fast and
easy. It had a fleeting presence in my life, I would grab some whenever it
crossed my path but that was rare, usually via a friend with a prescription
or street dealers (which has become incredibly dangerous in the age of
Fentanyl). Oddly enough I still have never had an Alprazolam "bar",
all the pills I've encountered have been other forms.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.5-1 mg
Recreational:
1-3 mg
Intoxicated:
3+ mg
Hypnotic:
5+ mg
Duration
would be typically be 4-6 hours, with little effects the next day.
Bromazepam
Bromazepam
is sold as a prescription pretty much everywhere but the U.S., in a wide
variety of names. It’s a fairly short acting benzo, light and functional and
very recreational. There are only faint lingering effects into the next day,
and only with higher doses. It is pleasant and euphoric and sociable and pretty
coherent. I don’t even feel particularly intoxicated with high doses though I
haven’t really pushed it too far yet. Definitely a treasure, a shame it’s so
rare in the U.S.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
0-6 mg
Recreational:
6-14 mg
Intoxicated:
14+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would be typically be 5-10 hours depending on dose
Bromazolam
When
researching novel benzodiazepines, Bromazolam showed a lot of promise in online
discussion. Users reported strong recreational effects- euphoria, a nice
sedation, and a sense of gentle hazy warmth. This is one of the most amnesic
compounds I have consumed. Even short term memory was compromised which made
holding a conversation difficult. It is sufficiently sedating, and it has a
pleasant warmth to it that is absent from other benzodiazepines. It is good for
spending a night relaxing on something soft. What I did not like however, was
the intensity of the amnesic effects- especially in that they persisted for
multiple days even after the other effects had receded. This would lead to me
inadvertently and unexpectedly losing days which I would've liked to remember.
I saw little mention of this in online discussion, but upon bringing it up, a
handful of people reported a similar experience. This is a nice and useful and
gentle benzo, sublimely relaxing, warm and sociable, but losing the next 2 days
of my life with little other effects during that time is a dealbreaker for me.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
not attempted
Recreational:
4-6 mg
Intoxicated:
6+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 6-8 hours, with amnesic effects continuing into the next 1-2
days.
Clonazepam (Klonopin, Rivotril)
Clonnazepam
is a fun benzodiazepine. It has a rushing euphoria, and an impeccable creative
drive. It is long lasting- but most of all it lets me feel really really high
without being fully compromised. It's an intense and bright and imaginative
high, where I feel motivated and content, near blissful. A lower dose was
perfect for social situations. A higher dose was a wonderful way to spend a
night playing videogames or making a menial task more fun. This was my first
exposure to longer lasting benzos, and was my first hard lesson in memory fog
lasting well into the next day. It also was the first one I had ever consumed recreationally.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.5-1 mg
Recreational:
1-2.5 mg
Intoxicated:
2.5+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 8-20 hours depending on dose
Clonazolam
Clonazolam
has a bit of a reputation. Any foray into an online research chemical community
will yield people who believe this drug has some sort of infernal provenance,
that it is a curse upon mankind.
Yet,
it is one of the most common item seen in the stock of online vendors, it is
clearly immensely popular and there is clearly very high demand for it. For the
uninitiated, Clonazolam's reputation is owed to many things. It has an
extraordinary potency, with active doses well in the sub-mg range. It tends to
be very amnesic. It has a relatively long duration, similar to Clonazepam. The
potency and amnesic tendencies can be a recipe for disaster. Clonazolam also
has a reputation as a last stop for heavy benzodiazepine addicts, as the
potency and duration ultimately offer the most financially sustainable way to
maintain a severe habit. Personally however, I find Clonazolam to be fairly
unpleasant. For me, it is extremely sedating. The times I have tried it I have
inadvertently slept through my alarms and missed various obligations. Until it
has left my body, I am in a groggy amnesiac fog where I feel like I could doze
off if I blink too long (save for the first few hours, which can be pretty
functional, if a bit hazy and unremarkable). I am rendered useless for a day or
two and don't gain much from it. It was never particularly euphoric or
imaginative for me, perhaps owing to its smothering sedation. It is definitely
good if you want to skip a day of your life or two. I somehow never managed to
fully black out on it, thankfully. I cannot imagine using this every single
day, but I'm sure a tolerance smooths its edges out a bit. It seems like a drug
that is meant to serve the needs of those who need to maintain a heavy habit
and nobody else.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
not attempted
Recreational:
.5-1 mg
Intoxicated:
1+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 10-20 hours depending on dose
Deschloroetizolam
A
lot of people look down on poor deschloroetizolam- it’s not potent enough, it
doesn’t last long enough, and the biggest complaint of all- it’s not exactly
like etizolam- many don’t read past the name and expect it to be exactly the
same. And for most, potency and similarity to etizolam is desired. However,
there is utility in something short acting that can be roughly measured with a
scale (I was able to access an expensive very high accuracy balance for this)-
though it does sit in that sweet spot of being too potent to be reliably measured
on most at-home scales, but also being impotent enough that it would be
annoying to dose volumetrically or prepare a properly concentrated solution.
Perhaps pressed pills are the way to go for this one, but no one has bothered
yet. But I digress- it is indeed a short acting benzo, simple and neutral,
maybe slightly euphoric but mostly just a nice one for a comedown that doesn’t
bleed too much into the next day.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
1-4 mg
Recreational:
4-15 mg
Intoxicated:
15+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 7-12 hours depending on dose
Diazepam (Valium)
Diazepam
is well known as a golden standard for benzodiazepines, one of the first to
appear on the market way back in the 60's. I had been seeking it out for years,
just to try it for reference, and just by sheer fortune, an abundance of it
appeared before me. Diazepam is a very middle of the road benzodiazepine- I use
the term neutral a lot to describe benzos and it really expresses that it
delivers the advertised experience without anything extraneous to remark on. It
neatly checks all the boxes- anxiolytic, euphoric, a tad sedating, amnesic in
higher doses. Its a lucid and functional benzo, which is probably the property
to which it owes its commercial success. Something I have noted about this
compound is that it is hardly sedating at all- to the point that it is actually
completely ineffective at silencing the tail end of stimulants and putting me
to sleep. I have gone up to 30 mg and ended up laying in bed staring at the
ceiling until dawn broke, I was certainly hazy but it ultimately lacked the power
to snuff out the other drugs coursing through my system. It is a subtle benzo
that works in the background. Something I noticed is that the onset is very
rapid, which is probably useful in addressing acute episodes of anxiety. While
it is common knowledge that Diazepam is long lasting, the effects seemed to
leave me fairly rapidly, and I rarely would get amnesia lasting into the next
day. Maybe I just metabolize it differently.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
5-20 mg
Recreational:
20-40 mg
Intoxicated:
40+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 8-12 hours depending on dose
Diclazepam
If
one is seeking coherent information on Diclazepam here, they are in the wrong
place. I really cannot wrap my head around this drug. Its activity is
questionable and I personally have never felt remarkable effects from it, even
when taking what is considered a "heavy" dose. This seems to be a
point of contention- sifting through internet discussions on Diclazepam one
will find two camps- those who claim that it is a subtle drug without any
noticeable effects, that simply functions to keep a user with a dependence well
and that there is no "high" or intoxication to speak of. The other
side will claim that it is indeed very psychoactive and can be quite
intoxicating, and that those who claim it is subtle have been using bunk
batches of the compound. I am of the former camp, though I have also only
worked with one batch. I have not had the opportunity to get it tested. When I
brought this up for discussion, it quickly turned contentious with people on
either side of the debate passionately defending their positions. For now, I
can't say I can definitely comment on this drug. I have taken doses up to 8 mg
and the only noticeable effects I had were excess salivation and loss of
libido- which was still very interesting to note, those are not things I
normally experience from benzodiazepines. When I ingest it, there is definitely
something having an effect on my body, but it's hard to discern much else.
Having only tried this one batch it's hard for me to say anything definitive on
this contentious compound. Perhaps this information will become more clear in
the future.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
n/a
Recreational:
n/a
Intoxicated:
n/a
Hypnotic:
n/a
Duration
for me is maybe a couple hours. Hard to say when the effects are barely
discernible.
Etizolam
Etizolam
is by far my favorite benzodiazepine (technically a thienodiazepine but oh
well). This is by a significant margin the one I have the most experience with,
the one I use most regularly and probably the most enjoyable yet utilitarian of
the whole lot. Etizolam is sublimely euphoric and imaginative. So many cozy
nights were spent wiling away the hours playing videogames while fuzzed out on
Etizolam. It always felt exciting and colorful, yet relaxing and gentle at the
same time. It isn't too sedating unless I push doses higher, at which point it
becomes intensely intoxicating and confusing, eventually passing into a
disoriented sleep. Residual amnesia would often last into the next day. It is
bubbly and sociable and allows for free-flowing conversation. It can be useful
for so many different situations. While it used to be my standard trip
killer/sleep aid, my use of Flualprazolam no longer allows it to serve this
purpose. For now it is simply something that is a great pleasure on its own.
This is the standard to which I compare every other benzodiazepine.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.5-1.5 mg
Recreational:
1.5-6 mg
Intoxicated:
6-8 mg
Hypnotic:
8+
Duration
would typically be 6-12 hours depending on dose
Flualprazolam
Flualprazolam
is my other most-used benzodiazepine, and another one with notable utility. The
utility in this case is sedation. I have never encountered another
benzodiazepine that offers such an instant and workable sedation without
dragging on for days. There is no hypnotic that will knock me out like
Flualprazolam, period. No matter what else is coursing through my system, this
drug will slip its hand over my face, conquer all, and put me to sleep. A long,
restful, and very deep sleep, dependent on dosage. Higher doses are the kind of
sleep where I will effortlessly drift through my alarms. I have learned that it
will sneak up on me no matter what I'm doing- I've woken up with my laptop still
open or in places that aren't my bed on several occasions, when I take a dose
of this I must accept that the night has come to an end. Lower doses can be
recreational, in which it is a hazy drowsy kind of high without much push
behind it. This is particularly enhanced when combined with a low dose of a
basic stimulant like caffeine. Otherwise, this serves the purpose of putting me
to sleep in any situation, especially after taking other drugs. It was
unfortunately my overuse of this that led to me developing a slight dependence
to benzodiazepines, and my use of it is probably the reason I have great
difficulty sleeping unaided nowadays. It is a great power that must be used
responsibly.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
<.5 mg
Recreational:
1-1.5 mg
Intoxicated:
~1.5 mg
Hypnotic:
1.5+ mg
Duration
would typically be 6-12 hours depending on dose
Flubromazepam
Flubromazepam
is one of those rare benzos that can be reliably measured on a standard mg
scale. Flubromazepam is also distinct for me in its absurd duration, a memory
fog that can drag on for 3 days or more. Like many long lasting substances,
there is a very long, slow comeup, it can be up to 3 hours before peak effects
are felt. I have only taken it a few times, usually during depressive episodes,
where I seek to just skip through time. It is not something to be taken lightly
and its a blessing that it is fairly impotent- otherwise it would be an
extremely dangerous substance to handle. The actual experience is blank and
neutral, listlessly drifting through time. There isn't much to remark on, no
imaginative rush, no heavy sedation, not even a full-on blackout, just a
lingering haze.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
not attempted
Recreational:
8-14 mg
Intoxicated:
14+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 24-72 hours depending on dose
Flubrotizolam
Flubrotizolam
first appeared on the market through clearnet vendors that actually pressed
them into bars labeled “Fanax”. These were a delight to play with though fell
out of rotation eventually- this compound then appeared again as powder and
solutions more typical of the mailing list/old discord server type vendors.
This is a lovely compound, definitely one of my higher tier benzos. It is
consistently euphoric and imaginative (though this property has faded somewhat
with many repeated uses), and sufficiently sedating to sleep with should the
need arise. Sometimes a little too sedating to enjoy at higher doses, and also
makes me quite floppy and clumsy and uncoordinated- I find this one shines the
most at mid-level doses.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.25-1 mg
Recreational:
1-2 mg
Intoxicated:
2-6 mg
Hypnotic:
6+ mg
Duration
would typically be 6-12 hours depending on dose
Fluclotizolam
I
should first say that the doses I have listed here should be taken with a grain
of salt, as the only sample I tried came from a vendor who had a reputation for
under-dosed solutions. Maybe it just hits different for people with heavier
tolerances, but these doses are based on the assumption that the potency listed
on the label was true. I have a tendency to prefer shorter acting benzos, as I
don’t like being put out for days with the longer ones that tend to drag on for
me. Fluclotizolam is perfect for me, much like temazepam. A brief night of fun
and euphoria, then waking up feeling fine the next day. I found it to be
pleasant and joyous for its brief lifespan. I ran through my small sample very
quickly and was not able to obtain any more since, a shame because it’s so
useful.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.25-.75 mg
Recreational:
.75-1.5 mg
Intoxicated:
1.5-2 mg
Hypnotic:
2+ mg
Duration
would typically be 3-5 hours depending on dose
Flubromazolam
Similar
in name to Flubromazepam and somewhat similar in effect. Another long haul
benzo. This however, has the distinction of being extremely potent and
extremely hypnotic. This is not a substance to be trifled with. For reference I
only took it once- I really cannot see any utility driving me to take this
again. It is also quite long lasting, droning on for multiple days. Unlike
Flubromazepam, those days were spent near-non-functional, the drowsiness
overcame everything to leave me listless and useless. Similar to Clonazolam,
but even longer lasting. I do not see much purpose in this drug, unless one has
a heavy benzo tolerance and severe insomnia and needs something long, potent,
and sedating.
My
only trial was a dose of 400 μg. It was functional, within what would be
considered the "recreational" range for other substances, save for
the heavy sedation. It lasted for about 60 hours.
Flunitrazepam (Rohypnol)
Rohypnol,
also called roofies, has a sordid reputation as the drug of choice for date
rapes, particularly throughout the 90’s and early 2000’s. While never marketed
or sold in the U.S., it could be bought easily from Mexico, and seemed
ubiquitous among slimy unsavory types for a period of time. Later formulations
sought to lower the dose and add a blue dye for detectability- present in the
sample I was able to try. Its popularity for dosing people without their
consent was due to its high potency and highly amnesiac qualities. When taken
at one’s own volition with one’s own consent however, it is a highly enjoyable
compound suitable for sleep and casual recreational use. It is one of the
shorter acting benzos, which fits my needs as I am always seeking something
that won’t leave me as hungover the next day. It is highly euphoric and
sociable, and highly hypnotic- I feel as though I need an energy drink to enjoy
it to its maximum potential. I actually didn’t find it particularly amnesic at
lower doses, but higher doses definitely so. Overall it’s a sedating but quite
pleasurable compound with a short enough duration for casual use. But if
encountered it should be kept away from any fraternity brothers at all costs.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
1 mg
Recreational:
1-3 mg
Intoxicated:
3-5 mg
Hypnotic:
5+ mg
Duration
would typically be 4-6 hours depending on dose
Flunitrazolam
Another
ultra-potent compound, another heavy sedative, another one I only tried once
that I don't feel eager to revisit. Unlike other ultra-potents, this compound
is extremely short lasting. There wasn't much of a 'high' to speak of, just a
sudden sleepiness as though I had taken doxylamine or melatonin. There is no
residual grogginess into the next day- in fact it was quite the opposite- it
quickly and assertively induced sleep but it was a short and restless sleep
that had me waking up early the next day not feeling groggy but not feeling
well-rested either. The next day however, I felt stimulated, on edge, as though
the short and acute experience had suddenly induced a rebound stimulation. My
muscles were tense and twitchy, my teeth clenched, I was fidgeting and anxious
all day. While I can see a short-acting and super-potent hypnotic as being
useful, I am hesitant to revisit a compound that seems to have induced mild
withdrawal effects the next day.
My
only trial was with a 200 μg dose, which yielded almost no effects beyond a
slight amnesia. About an hour and a half later an additional 250 μg was added,
which induced a rapid and powerful drowsiness. There was no "high" to
speak of between baseline and sleep. While I went to sleep it appears to have
left my system before I woke up- I would place the total duration probably
somewhere between 2-4 hours.
Flurazepam (Dalmane)
Flurazepam
is essentially the same as Norflurazepam (While that entry is alphabetically
later, I wrote it chronologically first, it can be referred to for the details
of this experience). This makes sense of course, Flurazepam is a prodrug for
Norflurazepam. In short, it is long lasting, a heavy and floppy muscle relaxant
with sufficient sedation and amnesic effects. Flurazepam came in the form of capsule
dosed at 30 mg in the most beautiful cerulean color- noticeably less potent
than Norflurazepam. It felt like it had a longer duration too. These properties
can likely be attributed to pharmacokinetics.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
30 mg
Recreational:
30-60 mg
Intoxicated:
60+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would be typically be 15-24 hours depending on dose
Flutazolam (Coreminal)
Flutazolam
is sold and marketed only in Japan, under the name Coreminal. Like Flurazepam,
metabolizes into Norflurazepam, though it is also active in its own right. I
found the effects to be mild and unremarkable, even at higher doses it mostly
manifested as a light sedation and amnesia and not much else. Nothing in the
way of euphoria or muscle relaxant effects for me. The amnesic effects lasted
for a decent amount of time, but ultimately, I did not find much to say for
this one.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.2-4 mg
Recreational:
4-12 mg
Intoxicated:
12+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would be typically be 8-20 hours depending on dose
Lorazepam (Ativan)
I
have limited experience with this compound, only trying it a few times when
offered by friends. I wouldn't say I can fully characterize it, as the doses I
took were either so low they were hardly noticeable, or so high that I was
fully intoxicated. It is generally regarded as a short-acting and mild benzo,
and it was certainly mild when I wasn't taking a handful of them. When I was
fully intoxicated though, it was a confusing rush, dizzying and aloof. I had
fun, I felt silly, I can't fully remember what happened but I remember
bordering on delirious. I kept thinking people were in my living room that
weren't actually there, that imaginary friends were unexpectedly visiting. It
felt like I was in a crowded room. It seems it induced more short-term than
long-term amnesic effects, as according to others, I apparently had difficulty
maintaining continuity in tasks. I would love to experiment with this one more
in a more controlled manner- it's not to be dismissed, it is certainly
something interesting.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
1 mg
Recreational:
n/a
Intoxicated:
6+ mg
Hypnotic:
not attempted
Duration
would typically be 4-6 hours.
Loprazolam (Dormonoct)
This
is a fairly standard middle of the road benzo, similar to Alprazolam. Light
euphoria, moderate sedation. I only encountered this on the tail end of my
quest to try every benzo and just didn’t have a lot of interest or motivation
to characterize it so I didn’t really play it out with different settings much.
But there wasn’t much to it that stood out to me.
Therapeutic:
.5 mg
Recreational:
1-2 mg
Intoxicated:
2+ mg
Hypnotic:
not attempted
Duration
would typically be 5-10 hours.
Meclonazepam
Meclonazepam
is lovely. I only say this because it is near-identical to clonazepam, just a
bit less potent. I doubt I could distinguish between the two of them in a blind
test. Meclonazepam incidentally is also used as a deworming agent, killing the
parasite Schistosoma mansoni, responsible for the disease
Schistosomiasis. The same euphoric, creative rush, the same duration, the same
degree of sedation and amnesia. Clonazepam is something I hold close to my
heart, a friend of Clonazepam is a friend of mine and I've found it in
Meclonazepam. There were a few odd incidents where the potency of it was
significantly greater than expected, suddenly leaving me in a full blackout at
what I thought was a normal recreational dose. I am not sure what the reason
for that was.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.5-1 mg
Recreational:
5-10 mg
Intoxicated:
10+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would be typically be 8-20 hours depending on dose
Mexazolam (Melex)
Mexazolam
is a benzodiazepine mostly sold and marketed in Japan. Mexazolam is like
Flutazolam, in that it is both active in its own right and a prodrug for other
benzodiazepines- in the case of Mexazolam, it is metabolized into Delorazepam
(the active metabolite of Diclazepam) and Lorazepam, also known as Ativan. As
expected when compared to those other two compounds, this benzo is subtle and
mild. It is mostly a foggy amnesia, barely discernible as I drift through the
days. None of the weird hallucinatory effects of Lorazepam.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.5-2 mg
Recreational:
2-6 mg
Intoxicated:
6+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would be typically be 8-20 hours depending on dose
Midazolam (Versed, Dormicum)
Midazolam
is an interesting case for a benzo- it is used widely in medical contexts- in
fact it serves as a sort of standard for what is used for slowing
breathing/heart rate or as a sedative (sometimes to involuntarily sedate
people, but more often for full anesthesia). In these medical contexts it is
almost always a solution that is administered intravenously or intramuscularly,
sold as “Versed”. It is a WHO essential medicine. In that regard, it also found
a more unsavory use, in executions by lethal injection in the United States.
Intended as a sedative in a cocktail of deadly compounds, it has run into
controversy for incidents where it didn’t fully sedate the executionee,
resulting in undue suffering. While prescription use is nonexistent in the
U.S., it is sold in other countries as tablets for oral use, typically under
the name Dormicum. It is a delightful compound, it hits fast and has a moderately
short duration. It has strong muscle relaxant properties and feels quite floppy
and uncoordinated. It has a euphoric rush but also a confusing headspace- there
is a brief shock of more intense amnesia and then a sort of stupefied
confusion, though there is a pleasurable acceptance of circumstances that sits
throughout the experience. It is moderately sedating.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
7-15 mg
Recreational:
15-30 mg
Intoxicated:
30+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would be typically be 4-5 hours depending on dose
Nitrazepam (Mogadon)
Nitrazepam
is one of those benzos that falls into the category of useful but not fun for
me. It’s a heavy sedative. There isn’t any particular creative or anxiolytic
drive above the baseline that I can see serving any kind of social function or
anything. It is mostly just sedating and drowsy. It’s a lazy sleepy boring
thing that acts fast and lasts a moderate amount of time. There isn’t much else
to note about it.
Therapeutic:
2.5-5 mg
Recreational:
5-10 mg
Intoxicated:
10-15 mg
Hypnotic:
15+ mg
Duration
would be typically be 6-8 hours depending on dose
Norflurazepam
Norflurazepam
is another compound that is cited as being perfect for a taper, in the vein of
Diazepam and Diclazepam. This is owing to its low potency, allowing for doses
to be precisely adjusted, and its purported long half life. For me, the
experience did not drag on for days as I expected. Perhaps for those with
dependence, this would be a subtle tail that would keep them well for long
enough to maintain a stable taper. I found that most of the acute effects
departed in a reasonable amount of time. In terms of the experience this drug
offers, it is fairly standard for a benzodiazepine, similar to Diazepam. It is
a bit more sedating and intoxicating at higher doses than Diazepam can be, and
I would say it has greater recreational potential in that regard. A perfectly
somewhat above-average compound. Not too hazy or amnesic, can put me to sleep
and overwhelm other substances without interfering with my day to day
life.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
5-10 mg
Recreational:
15-20 mg
Intoxicated:
30+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 10-16 hours depending on dose
Oxazepam
This
is some good stuff! I love Oxazepam, it quickly became one of my favorites in
the limited amount that I had access too. This was a supremely energizing and
creative and euphoric benzo. Energizing in that weird benzo way, not
stimulating, but would make me feel motivated in the way that pushing anxiety
aside will do. It is functional and not super sedating, I don’t know how
effective it would be at putting me to sleep. It had a moderate duration with a
slight hangover the next day.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
15-30 mg
Recreational:
30-90 mg
Intoxicated:
90 mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 8-12 hours depending on dose
Pyrazolam
In
the large suite of novel unmarketed benzodiazepines I have triedPyrazolam has
proven to be the most desirable and useful of the batch. It is a highly
functional benzodiazepine that falls into a goldilocks "just right"
zone in terms of sedation, able to snuff out other experiences and put me to
sleep but absent of overwhelming hypnotic effects. It is perhaps one of the
least amnesic benzos I have consumed- I doubt I could black out on this no
matter how hard I try. While it is distinctly slightly hazy, even into the next
day, it seem the amnesic effects simply cap off and do not increase past a
midrange dose. At higher doses it is certainly fun and recreational, at lower
doses it is quietly anxiolytic and would be perfect for needing to do things in
public with less anxiety. It is not quite as recreational or intense as
Etizolam but it fits neatly into my rotation and serves a specific utility that
I find quite valuable.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
2-4 mg
Recreational:
4-6 mg
Intoxicated:
8+ mg
Hypnotic:
n/a (never reached this point)
Duration
would typically be 8-12 hours depending on dose
Rilmazafone (Rhythmy)
Rilmazafone
is noteworthy for not being a benzodiazepine in and of itself, but rather being
a prodrug for the benzodiazepine Rilmazolam. Rilmazafone doesn’t contain the
7-member ring that characterizes the benzodiazepines, rather the ring is formed
upon its metabolism through a cyclization reaction. Rilmazafone is water
soluble, unlike most benzos. This property raises the question- can it be
snorted? I wouldn’t recommend it. It likely wouldn’t do anything, as
Rilmazafone itself is completely inactive, and metabolism is done in the small
intestine. But also, I imagine it would hurt like hell with pure powder- I
attempted a sublingual dose and found myself left with a nasty sore from the
drug’s causticity- I imagine snorting it would burn a great deal. The effects
are none too exciting, mostly just sedation and a bit of amnesia. Higher doses
there is something noticeable, something that can sometimes be pleasant but is
more often than not just that dull sedation. It’s short acting and can be
useful when a quick, neutral sedative is needed without too much hangover,
though effects can linger with very high doses.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.5-2 mg
Recreational:
2-5 mg
Intoxicated:
5-7 mg
Hypnotic:
7+ mg
Duration
would typically be 4-8 hours depending on dose
Temazepam (Restoril)
Temazepam
has risen through the ranks to be one of my favorite benzos of all time. So
many fond memories of chowing down on those bright orange capsules on a cold
winter day, reveling in a delightful and euphoric experience, getting a cozy
sleep, and waking up feeling completely fine the next day. The short duration
was a blessing, it was a great way to get to sleep at a reasonable time when
coming off of something more stimulating late at night and there would be no
lingering amnesia or fatigue the next day. The experience was rich and
insightful and purely hedonistic at times, it was fantastic for playing
videogames or just lounging in glowing comfort. Upon further review over time
it has actually become probably my favorite benzodiazepine and the main one I
use. The lack of hangover the next day is probably its main draw, along with
being highly euphoric still.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
30 mg
Recreational:
30-60 mg
Intoxicated:
60-100 mg
Hypnotic:
100+ mg
Duration
would typically be 6-8 hours depending on dose
Triazolam (Halcion)
Nikki
Sixx of Mötley Crüe espoused the virtues of snorting Halcion, in his case
combined with cocaine in a concoction he called zombie dust. The drug began to
fall out of favor when serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer used it to subdue his
victims. Two things about Triazolam are quite remarkable- the first that it is
one of the few water-soluble benzos- meaning that it can be snorted. The second
is that it is quite sedating and fast acting. It is generally less potent when
snorted however. There is probably a substantial loss in potency from how
diluted the drug is relative to filler when the pills are snorted- pure powder
would likely retain full potency. No idea how bioavailable it would be this
route compared to oral- the data for that relation simply doesn’t exist for
other benzos. When taken orally it is fairly euphoric, but mostly heavy and
amnesic and sedating. Really great as a sedative, there is probably some fun
there if the sedation can be counteracted, perhaps Nikki was on to something
when he combined it with cocaine (not that I would suggest doing that!). When
taken orally (or sublingually) it hits really fast with a heavy wave of
relaxation.
My
typical oral dosage (with tolerance) would be:
Therapeutic:
.25-.5 mg
Recreational:
.5-1 mg
Intoxicated:
1-1.25 mg
Hypnotic:
1.25+ mg
Duration
would typically be 4-6 hours depending on dose
