(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)
Dosage: 3 tabs LSD (300-480 ug), 300 mg DXM, 100 mg DPH, some quantity of DPT
I followed a strict schedule for dosing-
7:30- 50 mg DPH
8:00- 100 mg DXM, 50 mg DPH
8:30- 3 tabs LSD, 100 mg DXM
9:00-100 mg DXM
9:30- DPT Intranasal
(I was also on prescribed 300 mg Buproprion and 300 mg Gabapentin at this time)
The setting was in my room, made to bleakness. Auditory was the hum of white noise, lighting was only an extremely bright CFL bulb pointed directly at my face. The dosing regimen was begun after a shower, with ginger tea used to suppress inevitable nausea.
Nothing felt until about 8:45, after first administration of DXM and some LSD. My body is feelin off and very floaty, a strange sort of warm numbness. My head feels like it’s going to drift away, the typical dissociative feeling, associated with a sort of glowing pulsing patterning on surfaces, slowly becoming more and more prominent. By 9:15 I definitely feel very very altered, I have the usual dex walk feeling, but I get a sense that my limbs are jerking around in a strangely organized patterned way, probably compliments of the LSD. If you imagine you were viewing someone moving behind a grid of glass bubbles, their movements being jerked to the edge of the bubbles because of the glass’ distortion, that’s kinda what I felt like.
By the time I decide to take the DPT, I am feeling such a rush of the world dissolving around me, everything seems darker and I feel like my body is in all sorts of places where it isn’t. I decide to just snort it right out of the bag. Not really sure why I would do this, there’s absolutely no way to accurately measure anything. I guess my judgment was impaired. I rail the powder and it feels like someone shot me in the face with a shotgun, but instead of shot its glitter and fog. I just barely manage to put the bag down before I just feel myself automatically, reflexively fall backwards onto my bed. I lie here, the entire room a spinning mess of fractals and patterns lit in strange ways and close my eyes.
I’m not really sure what happened here, this is a complete blank in my memory. Chronology was impossible to keep at this point. I believe I may have fallen asleep or gone unconscious in some way. Either way, I definitely felt myself open my eyes and come to, albeit in a very strange world. My entire room had become dull sepia toned and high contrast, with values becoming washed out and everything looking flat. Everything was swirling with some unknown force- if you google a video of blood flowing through veins under a microscope, that is pretty much what my room looked/felt like (I use the term “look” pretty loosely from here on, my senses were scrambled and things were experienced beyond what could be described as senses). Objects were warping, swirling and bulging as if they were made of flowing syrup. I noticed if I dragged my hand on any surface it would make very distinct metallic scraping ringing noise. Touching and tapping things also made a metallic sort of clank. The soundscape- the ambient white noise had transformed into a wild flanging and warping and bubbling, random shifts in pitch accompanied by an ambient rushing noise, like water rushing through pipes, an auditory version of the visuals essentially. The world was in flux but was simultaneously so still.
Cognitive function was too alien to even begin to describe. I was not even someone else, I was something else, or some degree of alienation beyond that. However I processed this environment was likely completely nonsensical to a sober mind, with associations and thought processes seemingly arbitrary and random. It all made sense at the time though. My internal monologue had become a nasally voice speaking in the flattest most robotic monotone, saying random bleak phrases in a strange verse and rhythm. I decided I could explore further. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. I am sequencing the following events in a way that seems like a logical progression in retrospect, even though they unfolded beyond any sort of concept of linear time.
It felt like I was caught in a furious wind storm, the fibers of my existence being strewn and stretched about every which way. I watched a world of CEV’s, fractals and afterimages of the room around me reduce into simpler and simpler geometry until they dissociated completely into a flat checkerboard plane. I wasn’t viewing this plane, or experiencing it even, this was me, this was me and the entirety of existence, into one unsettling conclusion at the depths of reduction. It seems at some point this too began to give way to a setting. All settings described hereforth are once again not necessarily seen, heard, sensed, or even experienced, they just were, and so was I. This setting was a checkerboard plane floating in infinite black space. In one corner was the familiar dex+LSD character, a block with a slab of meat(?) smacked upon it, chains extending from it into the abyss. On here was a vaguely humanoid figure, a grey putty in human form, with a metallic sphere for a head, two silvery lips upon it, this being speaking to me in that same internal monologue voice, this time it didn’t feel like it was coming from within me though, and it continued to ramble about god knows what in that monotonous verse. It was spewing streams of random words it seems, but at the time it all made perfect sense. Eventually this world too gave way, I began to piece together some sense of “self”, some sense of being detached from the world that could independently exist within it. I became a black scribble with a checkerboard aura, pulsing pink and green, and I simply wandered off. I wandered away from the familiar, I could feel the strange plane and my actual setting my room fading into the distance as I js wandered, and suddenly I found myself somewhere else entirely. Somewhere else, something else, just completely beyond the scope of human comprehension, that is what I simply ambled into.
This was a place I have labelled “the dextroverse” (even though psychedelics played heavily into its existence)
This was something beyond recognizable human experience, typically a “space” is explored through sensory inputs and stimuli, and typically an beyond that an experience takes place within a “space”, a place defined by dimensions and an interplay with time. None of this applied, this is incomprehensible to the human mind, its incomprehensible to me, but it made sense to my dexed out acid brain, this retrospective is rlly the most I can make of what was probably beyond any description I can give. I’m going to describe this “world” in terms of sensory inputs even though senses were irrelevant, my form wasn’t even anything that could sense anything.
This plane was a vastness, an impossible sprawling and open bleakness, akin to a desert with a sky so imposing and huge it’s vacuum could be called monolithic, and a flatness so crushingly sterile and bleak as sun baked bones. I floated above this, a speck as insignificant as a speck could be. In the distance, the astronomical distance, were mountains perhaps, or simply some sort of limit placed on this yawning plane.
This place was inhabited.
Maybe I witnessed more, but only 2 sorts of being stick out. I would teleport around the place, space and time were meaningless and I could go wherever I wanted however I wanted.
One could be described as a sort of worm, it was dull grey and a sort of wrinkly, and looked as if it was made of intestines. At one end was a toothy mouth lined in dark flesh (?), akin to a francis bacon painting (see study for 3 figures at base of a crucifiction). Upon seeing it, it seemed to flatten my experience and input, if a visual analogy were made it would be said that gazing upon it turned the world 2 dimensional and slew any sense of depth perception. It pulsed with a sickly green and pink aura, its sinews pulsing and bulging and warping. I do recall that upon opening my eyes, it was still there, in my vision, flattening my room, sitting dead center of my gaze no matter where I looked. Interestingly the ambient noise seemed to flang and warp in sync with the bulging and pulsing of its body. It eventually faded. This one seemed oddly familiar.
The other were two immense beings next to one another, impossibly huge, larger than anything on earth. I flitted around them like a speck of dust in a draft. These monolithic beings were vaguely human shaped, their matter seeming to be a sort of swirling darkness. These beings were completely and utterly indifferent to me and to anything human or any sort of human struggle. The entire history of the world would be a passing breeze to them. They were so alien and so incomprehensible cold, indifferent, and unfeeling that the air and rocks around them seemed to glisten with color and passion. My presence wasn’t just nothing to them, it was beyond nothing, them choosing to consider my existence was a cosmic impossibility and absurdity, and even if they did they would have no comprehension of something so below them. Being near them felt like holding my brain and sanity to a grinding wheel.
I think all of this ended about 2 hours later. I noticed that old familiar thought processes were coming back, sensory inputs started to seem more …. Earthly, I was still very very fucked up and altered, but I was human again. I spent the rest of the night watching my roommate play videogames, my short term memory was completely shot for the rest of the night, having conversations was very difficult. There really wasn’t much else to note.
It seems as though parts of the dextroverse were informed subconsciously by art and other things I had seen (see: Mat Brinkman, Jesse Moynihan, Francis Bacon), I don’t think there’s anything I could describe as being more strange and bleak and surreal than that experience. I have never in my life been more separated from any sense of being human or even from this reality and existence. Hell yeahhh