(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)
CW: Existential terror
CW: Existential terror
T0:00-30 mg Hydroxyzine oral
T0:30-240 ug LSD sublingual, 25 mg DPH oral, 60 mg DXM oral in syrup
T1:00-20 mg 4-HO-MiPT oral in gel cap, 60 mg DXM oral in syrup, 50 mg DPH oral
T1:30-40 mg DXM
oral in syrup
Setting: My bedroom
Set: Had been planning this trip for a few days. I was excited but also very nervous, as I knew how intense and just how utterly utterly strange this experience could be
T0:00-30 mg Hydroxyzine taken, with 3000 mg Gabapentin (anxiolytic and anticonvulsant, I’ve noticed it never really has an effect on the trip itself). Shaking with anticipation.
T0:30-Take the next set of doses. Drink the DXM with some difficulty- I’ve noticed I’ve had trouble consuming it lately, even the smell makes me nauseous. I used to be able to drink it with the same ease I could drink hard alcohol (hesitant but not difficult)
T1:00-First alerts- a sedating slight dissociation with light visuals, a unique combined effect I notice when combining the two substances. They usually come on faster when I combine them. I go for the next dose. The 4-HO-MiPT feels like a nausea bomb the moment I swallow it. This is probably just anxiety and psychological but it makes consuming the next round of DXM intensely difficult. I try sipping it, I try gulping it, it’s all very very difficult. I originally had 100 mg laid out for myself but I am not able to finish sipping it before the next scheduled dose.
T1:30-The effects are beginning to coalesce, noticeable in strengthening visuals, psychedelic patterning that seems to be warping and swirling in synchronicity with the swells of nausea that are washing over me. I manage to toss back the rest of last round’s DXM, and have another 60 mg laid out. I can’t though, I just can’t, I want to try to hold all the substances down as long as I can and I know the remaining DXM would make me puke. I’m already clinging to my trashcan for dear life, facedown, fighting my body with all my might. I can feel the 4-HO-MIPT, often a strong nauseating agent in my stomach, exacerbating everything. I feel so dizzy, the room is spinning and rocking.
There’s no timeline from here on out. It was like falling asleep, I was just in a different plane with no idea how I got there. I recall brief moments of respite and clarity. I am in immense pain, my guts feel like thei are just rotting off of my bones. My room looks distinctly two dimensional. A lot of strange sounds are coming in, like great beasts slowly drifting across the sky. These sounds float around my room like disembodied voices, although they simply seem to be low sweeps and warps. It looks like my room is rippling or vibrating into pieces.
I’m not sure what happened, but I ended up in a faraway existence. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that my experiences with combining DXM and psychedelics triggers a longing for locations in videogames from my childhood… a little background, when I was little I would have dreams that would feature locations from videogames, but it was usually inaccessible locations or background places. I would go to these places and find the most magical things, I had such a strange attraction and obsession with exploring this unknown and finally exploring these places in my subconscious was absolutely satisfying. Well with these trips, those places were envisioned in my mind, in concept, not literally, that same essence of the mysterious unknown, that same overwhelming urge to explore from my childhood dreams, came back. This time it was a location from Super Mario Galaxy.
This only appeared briefly, these only ever appear as I’m about to plunge deeper. And deeper I plunged. This felt like the absolute rawest and direct communication with subconscious possible. It felt like this was an existence dredged from the very depths of my mind. This was the true grimy primordial slime of my everything, and it was disgusting. It was absolutely unnerving to know that this place was the deepest depths of my mind, it was so… idk it seemed corny it seemed gross it seemed unwieldly and lame, I always figured my deep subconscious would be different, but this bulbous gelatinous realm defied all expectation. I sense hints of it when I’m on psychedelics alone or dissociatives alone, but here it was, the full power of them combined.
It did not appear visually, or really exist in terms of any aesthetic experience. After all, those are human channels of perception that taint the essence of all things they receive, translate existence into human terms. But this was beyond that, this was pure thought, pure essence, something that senses could never comprehend. The realm seemed… gelatinous, its essence was one of being amorphous, where beings of pseudopods and projections would travel and float through the solid aether, indifferent to any concept of gravity. I imagined myself as a being in this world, a pained and uncomfortable and disgusting thing entrenched in this existence. I felt like this was the true reality, after all it was true essence! I had always been in this place, I was pure thought and always dwelled in this realm of pure thought, I knew its rules and its esoteric natural laws, the sober world was just a projection, a convoluted structure built from the foundation of pure thought, the senses providing the building blocks for this great tower of delusion. I was home. It sucked. What a fundamentally unnerving and humiliating place. Worst of all was a sense of the essence of hostility, manifest in beings I would call “the dex police”, In this realm I felt so much shame and guilt, and the realm reacted to that, exacerbated it, sent agents to degrade me. Perhaps my crime was building this projection of a world in which I am now typing this.
Just fundamentally uncomfortable on the deepest subconscious level.
T~3:00-I’m coming back, in the sense that I can now recognize the world around me. I am no longer trapped in the other realm, and although I can dissociate when I close my eyes, I am now too far from that place to truly return. One of my friends pays me a surprise visit, I talk to her and am amazed that I am able to hold a coherent conversation despite the way my body and mind feel. I feel like a slug whose mind is exploding with puzzles.
T3:30-I am pretty out of it, I am very dizzy and have the classic dex walk, I go downstairs to interact with people, everything has a cozy warmth to it, perhaps just in contrast to the bitter cold dextroverse.
T4:30-I drank a bunch of the cough medicine I didn’t drink before and it mostly just has a stoning bodily dissociation effect. I definitely do not go back to any hallucinatory or even hypnagogic states, I am just high as shit in my living room.
T5:30-I mostly feel down now, still a bit wobbly and thoughts all feel very…. Surreal for some reason. I am shaking a great deal, especially at the wrists and ankles.
THE NEXT DAY: I feel high and dissociated all day, I have a lot of shaking and rhythmic twitching of my ankles and wrists. Clonus perhaps?
AFTERWARDS: The next few weeks saw a steeply declining and worsening depression accompanied by continued abuse of DXM by itself. This brings me to a point of near psychosis, where the delusion of this world being a projection of dextroverse me begins to take root. I begin to get really paranoid, that these agents from the dextroverse would manifest in my dreams, or somehow even manage to break into my reality, and take me back to where I belonged. It’s uncomfortable. My DXM experiences become a strange mental dissociation, less physical, and feel hypnagogic with my mind drifting away to half-dream states that I don’t even realize are hallucinations until they break. Lots of odd visions. This wore off as I began doing MXE rather than DXM as my “im sad and want to get fucked up” drug
Very hard to describe, kinda feels like these pictures though
|If I could assign visual properties to the dex-beings, they would look like this