Psychedelic Psychometrics: A New Survey

The  Linton Langs Questionnaire presents a thorough examination of the psychological effects of psychedelics. However, I think with the increased knowledge of psychedelics, much can be added and much can be revised.
A more thorough section on the physical and sensory effects is certainly necessary. Unfortunately, I am very pedantic on detail and if I really tried to capture this in depth, it would be way too long. An excellent framework for this is psychonautwiki's list of visual effects. From this, a list of dichotomies can be created which can be answered simply and easily. Of course, reducing those effects to two poles somewhat obscures the full range and intensity of those effects, but it's an easy and efficient way to document them. On the note of this being too extensive, I will at some point make a survey entirely for sensory effects, that is much more detailed.
Considering the focus on cognitive effects, it is obvious that the L-L questionnaire was built from the context of and for the purpose of serving the field of psychology. And while this survey is also primarily concerned with psychology, it attempts to touch on it from several angles (sensory, somatic, spiritual etc). The initial revised version is comprehensive, monumental, and perhaps a bit excessive. Perhaps not the most practical for administering to someone under the influence of a drug. I don't know how to be concise, I really don't. If anyone is capable of trimming this down to an abridged version, I would be eternally grateful. The way I envision this is that the one conducting the survey wishes to focus on a specific area of the psychedelic experience, and thus they can select the questions that focus on that area. The questions are classified under the following categories:

Sensory-Visual:
Sensory-Auditory:
Sensory-Tactile:
Sensory-Proprioceptive:
Sensory-Somatic:
Sensory-Other:
Sensory-Multisensory:

Cognitive-General:
Cognitive-Behavioral:
Cognitive-Social:
Cognitive-Enhancement:
Cognitive-Suppression:
Cognitive-Egoic:
Cognitive-Temporal:
Cognitive-Hallucinatory:
Cognitive-Mnemonic:

Emotional-Positive:
Emotional-Neutral:
Emotional-Negative:


Abstract-Therapeutic:
Abstract-Erotic:
Abstract-Pathological:
Abstract-Creative
Abstract-Spiritual:
Abstract-Esoteric:

Sensory
1. Are there discernible alterations to visual stimuli? If yes, check all that apply:
  a. Shifting or changing of perceived colors
  b. Drifting textures
  c. Deepening textures (textures becoming more '3 dimensional')
  d. Swirling/Warping
  e. Breathing
  f. Flattened depth perception
  g. Segmentation/partitioning of visual field
  h. Double vision
  i. Blurred vision
  j. "Fisheye lens" effect
2. Are there discernible visual stimuli that did not exist at baseline (Hallucinations)? If yes, check all that apply:
  a. Tracers/afterimages
  b. Textures forming into stationary patterns and geometry
  c. Textures forming into mobile patterns and geometry
  d. Mirroring and repeating of patterns or textures
  e. Pareidolia
  f. Diffraction around lights
  g. Flashes of color, light, or darkness
  h. Changes in viewing perspective
  i. Non-patterned 2-dimensional images, objects, or entities
  j. 3-Dimensional objects or entities that do not physically exist
3. When the eyes are closed, are there discernible stimuli that would correspond to visual stimuli?
4. Does the sense of vision feel enhanced?
5. Does the sense of vision feel obstructed?
6. Have objects been rendered symbolically unrecognizable?
7. Are there discernible alterations in auditory stimuli? If yes, check all that apply:
  a. Increase in pitch
  b. Decrease in pitch
  c. Echoing/reverberating
  d. Increased auditory texture
  e. Abolition of auditory-spatial perception
  f. Amplification of ambient noise
8. Are there discernible auditory stimuli that did not exist at baseline? If yes, check all that apply:
  a. Voices
  b. Music/melodies
  c. Droning/Ambient sounds
9. Have auditory stimuli and language been rendered symbolically unrecognizable?
10. Do certain sounds or music illicit deeper emotional response or euphoria?
11. Do tactile sensations feel numbed?
12. Do tactile sensations feel amplified?
13. Is a 'tingling' feeling present?
14. Are spontaneous tactile stimuli being felt that did not exist at baseline?
15. Do you feel as if you exist at a different scale than normal?
16. Do your appendages feel out of place relative to their actual location?
17. Does sensation in certain areas of the body feel amplified in relation to others?
18. Does it feel as though sense of momentum and control over your movements is improved?
19. Does it feel as though you are very lightweight?
20. Does it feel as though you are very heavy?
21. Does your ability to move feel hindered?
22. Does it feel like your appendages have more momentum than they actually do?
23. Does your body appear foreign or alien?
24. Do any of the following negative feeliings present? If yes, check all that apply:
  a. Dizziness
  b. Exhaustion, weakness, or grogginess
  c. Coldness or chills
  d. Hotness or sweating
  e. Nausea
  f. Diarrhea or vomiting
  g. Dry Mouth
  h. Pressure in the head or inner ear
  i. Headache
  j. Restlessness or 'itchiness' in the appendages
  k. A strong overall feeling of discomfort when being still
  l. Increased heart rate
  m. Decreased heart rate
  n. Shortness of breath
  o. Muscle or joint aches
  p. Muscle or joint tension
  q. Other aches or pains
  r. Uncomfortable feelings of external pressure
  s. Overwhelming stimulation
  t. Excessive yawning
  u. Twitching or spontaneous muscle contractions
  v. Runny or congested nose
  w. Difficulty urinating
  x. Photophobia
  y. general discomfort
25. Do any of the following positive feelings present? If yes, Check all that apply:
  a. Alleviation of existing pain
  b. Orgasmic sensations throughout the body
  c. Pleasant warmth
  d. Intense feelings of comfort, as though one was sinking into a soft surface
  e. Functional stimulation
  f. Relaxing sedation
  g. Pleasant tingling, buzzing, or vibrating
  h. Pulses or waves of pleasant sensation
  i. Increased stamina
  j.  General feelings of relief or relaxation
26. Have you felt somehow as if you were melting or merging into your surroundings?
27. Are there distortions to your sense of taste? If yes, check all that apply:
 a. Amplified sense of taste
 b. Suppressed sense of taste
 c. Altered sense of taste (ie, something spicy tasting sweet)
28.  Are there gustatory (taste) sensations that did not exist at baseline? If yes, check all that apply:
  a. Metallic flavor
  b. Sweet flavor
  c. Bitter or chemical flavor
  d. Salty flavor
  e. Sour or acrid flavor
  f. Other pleasant flavor
  g. Other unpleasant flavor
29. Does sense of smell feel amplified?
30. Does sense of smell feel suppressed?
31. Does it feel as though certain senses are acting in synchronicity? If yes, check all that apply:
  a. Vision
  b. Hearing
  c. Taste
  d. Smell
  e. External tactile
  f. Internal somatic
  g. Proprioceptive
  h. Other

Cognitive

1. Have you felt like a child?

2. Have things felt unreal, as if you were in a dream?

3. Have you felt as if some of what you have been doing is really not your doing at all?

4. Have some things seemed meaningless or lost their symbolic significance?
5. Have you been thinking about things or taking interesting in things you don't usually engage with?
6. Has any particular thing fascinated you-held your attention so that you found it hard to leave it?
7. Does one idea, thought, or image keep coming back again and again?

8. Have events or experiences seemed illogical or disconnected?
9. Do you feel apathetic?
10. Do you feel paranoid?

11. Have you felt that you were withdrawing from reality or losing your hold on the real world?

12. Have you felt that you have lost or may lose control of your actions?

13. Do your actions feel predetermined or controlled by something or someone else?
14. Do you feel as though your actions will have no consequences?
15. Have you been at all afraid that you might go crazy or lose your mind?

16. Are you unsure of how others are responding or reacting to you?

17. Do you feel awkward interacting with others?
18. Do you feel like you can interact with others more easily?
19. Have you been talking more than usual?
20. Have you found it hard to talk?
21. Have you felt that certain things were especially clear to you or that you understood them better?
22. Have you seen any new connections between certain events or experiences that you hadn't seen before?
23. Do you feel more eloquent and articulate?
24. Do you feel more focused?
25. Do you feel narcissistic or vain?
26. Do you feel as though you have a greater understanding of the workings of your own or others' minds?
27. Do you feel as though your cognitive power has been enhanced?
28. Have you found it hard to concentrate on the tasks being given to you?
29. Is it hard to hold onto thoughts, ideas, or images-do they seem to get away from you when you try to catch them?
30. Do you feel as if your judgment is impaired?
31. Has your mind been a blank at times, so that you have had no thoughts at all?
32. Have you felt as if you were standing aside and watching yourself?
33. Have you felt like a different person at times?
34. Does your sense of self feel altered or abolished?
35. Have you felt as if you were not even human?
36. Has time been passing faster than usual?
37. Has it been passing slower than usual?
38. Has it felt that time has come to a standstill or stopped now and then?
39. Are you imagining places, situations, or beings that do not exist?
40. Do you have thoughts about imaginary things that make them seem real?
41. Do you feel as though things you have imagined are encompassing you?
42. Do you feel more accepting of things that would normally seem outlandish or fantastic?

43. Have you been thinking or talking a lot about your childhood (other than in response to questions about it)?

44. Have distant memories come back with clarity?

45. Do you feel as though your short term memory is compromised?

46. Do you find that while you are answering a question you tend to forget what the question was?

Emotional
1. Do you feel especially happy?
2. Do you feel optimistic towards the future?
3. Do you feel a sense of solace and belonging?
4. Do you feel a sense of overwhelming calm and relief?
5. Do you feel a sense of "oneness" or love for the world around you?
6. Do you feel an increased appreciation for your peers/have a desire to express that to them?
7. Do you feel as though you are more receptive to love and friendship from others?
8. Do you feel as though you want to cuddle with, embrace, or amicably and nonsexually physically interact with others?
9. Do you feel an increased sense of empathy towards others?
10. Do you feel more open to interacting with strangers?
11. Are you overwhelmed with feelings of love and happiness, to the point where it is difficult not to smile?
12. Do you feel entirely comfortable around others, like you can say what you want and be yourself without fear of judgment?
13. Do you feel especially proud of yourself?
14. Do you find yourself talking about personal things you wouldn't usually talk about?
15. Do you feel more logical/rational?
16. Are you experiencing mood swings?
17. Do you feel as though you need to cry for any reason?
18. Does it feel as if emotions have been blunted or rendered nonexistant?
19. Do you feel depressed or sad?
20. Have you pessimistic towards he future?
21. Do you feel a sense of guilt, shame, or self loathing?
22. Do you feel an overwhelming sense of impending doom?
23. Do you feel isolated or lonely?
24. Do you feel trapped, or as if there is no escape from your negative feelings?
25. Does it feel as though this experience is going to end in disaster?
26. Does it feel like you have done something terrible to yourself, others, or the universe?
27. Do you feel as if you would rather be dead?
28. Do you generally feel a sense of discomfort and malaise?
29. Does it feel as though someone or something is taunting, mocking, or torturing you?
30. Do you feel afraid?
31. Have you felt angry or annoyed?
32. Have you lost control over your emotions or feelings?

Abstract
1. Does it feel like this experience has given you new insight into the nature of the world or yourself?
2. Does you feel refreshed or reborn?
3. Do you feel as though this has been a significant experience relative to the rest of your life?
4. Do you feel as though some issue you had been dealing with beforehand has been alleviated?
5. Does it feel like this has exacerbated or is exacerbating pre-existing issues?
6. Have you found yourself pondering painful or sorrowful memories?
7. Do you feel like you have developed new perspectives on things?
8. Do you feel sexually aroused?
9. Do you feel as though you would perform better sexually than you would normally?
10. Do you feel yourself having sexual attraction to things or people you normally do not?
11. If applicable, does sexual activity feel better than usual?
12. Do you feel sexually suppressed or incapable of feeling arousal?
13. Does it feel as though you may incur long term consequences due to this experience?
14. Do you feel as though you will not be able to function as you did before this experience?
15. Do you feel as though your state of mind prior to this experience is now impossible to comprehend?
16. Do you feel as though your power to imagine things has been improved?
17. Do you feel artistically inspired or feel a compulsion to create and express yourself?
18. Do you feel more artistically skilled than usual?
19. Do you have a greater appreciation for works of art or feel as though you are able to understand artistic works better than usual?
20. Does it feel as though your ability to create has been suppressed?
22. Do you feel as though you have reached out and connected to some sort of metaphysical higher power?
23. Does it feel as though a metaphysical higher power has reached out and connected with you?
24. Have you had an experience that aligns with the beliefs of a pre-existing religion? If so, which?
25. Do you feel a sense of unity with nature and the world around you?
26. Does it feel as though your sense of self is merely an illusion in the face of a larger power?
27. Have you left your body and had your consciousness exist in other places or realms?
28. Does it feel as though your perception has transcended other dimensions?
29. Does it feel as though you have accessed an entirely different world or universe?
30. Do you feel like your perception of the limits of our reality has been challenged or expanded?
31. Do you find yourself questioning whether things you have witnessed or experienced during this time were real or not?
32. Do you feel entirely dissociated from humanity and this universe?
33. Do you feel as though you will not return to the reality in which you started when you began this experience?
34. Have you made contact or communicated with some other force or entity that may not physically exist as we understand?
35. Have you made contact with some form of sentience that may be a facet of yourself?
36. Does it feel as though there is some other reality underlying ours or projecting ours?
37. Did you encounter them?


Conclusion:
I went too hard, this is too big. I hope I cut out some of the redundancy of the original test however and I hope I've organized it in a more sensible order. Nevertheless, this needs some serious trimming. Next post is going to be about quantifying and representing this. Perhaps this is a fool's errand.

3-MeO-PCE

Age: 20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 20 mg Intranasal

Setting: My apartment

T0:00-Snorted. Powder has a sort of weird rubbery petroleum smell to it.

T0:15-Feel onset. Sloshy and wobbly, but only slightly. Mostly feeling mentally dissociated, like I just can’t be assed to care about anything or interact with anything in the world around me.

T0:25-Stimulating feeling comes on.  I feel like I am moving faster and more fluidly, with more control. It’s like the air is thinner. A buzzing feeling sets on, and I begin to feel like I am fading.

T0:40-It’s heavy, like O-PCE. Not a rushing dissociation, but a sinking feeling of dissociation. It’s like I am being draped in curtains of goopy syrup that dissolves my essence and pulls me downwards. My entire field of vision is pulsing and everything feels surreal. This feels like an active and functional dissociative, not a completely debilitating and disabling one. I can walk fine, my motor skills are barely compromised, and there is no issue with thinking straight or communicating with people.

T0:50-I feel oddly nostalgic, like I am thinking about my past a lot and want to listen to old music. Old memories are cropping up in vivid detail. Nostalgia always makes me feel really sad, so I kinda just want to cry, but at the same time its all very warm and comforting. I feel like I am on a rocking ship.

T1:15-I go outside and hang out in the backyard. Time feels like it has slowed down a great deal, and indeed it is apparent in the music I am listening to. It definitely sounds lower, like each note and each sound is dragging a heavy weight behind it and slowly creeping through the air. This isn’t accompanied with the pitch drop that comes from intense psychedelic experiences where things sound slowed down, rather it sounds exactly the same pitch, just slower. I lie down in my backyard and try to sink into a hole of sorts.

T1:20-This honestly feels more psychedelic than dissociative, in terms of headspace. Physically it is very dissociating, with an overall feeling of anesthesia and loss of equilibrium. The headspace is extremely introspective and deep, with a lot of thinking about myself and profound thoughts. It feels as though there is immense therapeutic potential. The open eyed visuals resemble large blocky designs and tendrils, tightly intertwining and interlocking in perfect harmony with no space left between them. These present as translucent maroon ghost images overlaying everything. When I close my eyes I am struck with a ghostly afterimage of the world around me, in teal, turquoise, magenta, and pink. This image warps and flows and swirls like dropping a drop of dye into water. My short term memory is somewhat compromised. This is incredibly deep and meditative, when I close my eyes and sink away, I am in a great inky sea of thoughts. Blocky geometric forms parade past and mirror themselves and spin and swirl together. They are all harmonious, and all exact and precise in their movements. It is like a great computer or some sentient being has set out a path and sequence for all of these forms and they follow like perfectly rehearsed dancers, just for the pleasure of my viewing. Perhaps they are trying to communicate something, I do not know. 

T1:30-This feels so incredibly beautiful and euphoric. It is magic, it is the same sort of magic that comes with the first time of trying a substance that I end up really enjoying, like MXE. It feels like great striped tentacles are coming down from above and caressing my face. The beauty is resplendent, the world has become a gelatinous lacework of pulsing colors and patterns, dancing and tracing and chasing each other. Not only that but it feels as though this drug has somehow given me powers of premonition. This is likely just a silly delusion, or just confirmation bias. But I find myself thinking a great deal about potential future, about the different ways my life might unfold in the future. Normally, doing this is incredibly depressing and I can only think about all the ways my life can go wrong. However, now I am having all sorts of optimistic and positive outlooks on my potential futures.

T1:45-The visuals are very powerful and are delightfully consuming and incorporating the world around me. Thinking about the future has me excited, I want to see what happens, I want to see where the world is going. I think about what role I will serve in this. I decide to settle for passive observe, to simply exist harmlessly and let the world happen around me. Perhaps that isn’t so simple, and perhaps that’s not the most morally righteous way to exist but in the moment I feel an overwhelming sense of contentment at the prospect of that. I feel like I am experiencing it to the fullest right now, that the world is flowing around me the way a stream flows around a rock. Everyone around me is doing things, moving around, I can hear people on the street talking, I know that my roommate and my friends are inside doing all sorts of stuff, and here I am lying in my backyard staring at the sky. I begin to practice one of my favorite activities on dissociatives and try to willingly generate images in the closed eyed visuals. I close my eyes and think of various shapes and much to my delight they appear before me, dull grey with buzzing red auras, blocky texture upon their faces. With my eyes open, everything looks so clear and clean cut, like the air is thinner, like some fog has been removed of my vision has become clearer. The feeling of this drug is overwhelmingly warm, and extremely buzzy. Nothing quite like it.

T2:00-I am having so much fun. I can walk around the house and function perfectly fine. I am able to talk to people, I just feel kind of distant. I smoke with my roommate in the backyard and all it really does is amplify the body numbness, the mental aspect has mostly cooled down and I am left with that enhanced cognitive feeling I have on the comedown of psychedelics. We go inside and I sit down and sink into the couch. I feel so buzzed and blunted, but in the warmest and happiest way. I just hang out and play videogames for hours as I come down. Nothing to really note past that.

T8:00-I am back to baseline. I go to sleep.

Conclusion: Wow this is my new favorite dissociative, out of the many many I have tried. It’s highly euphoric, but also very deep and psychedelic. It doesn’t feel like it impairs me in any way, rather it improves my function, and doesn’t have the delusional sort of mania that 3-MeO-PCP carries. It’s incredibly bright and visual, and I my social abilities aren’t impaired at all. It honestly feels more psychedelic than dissociative. I am excited to see how it combines with things. It feels like in all my experience with using all variety of dissociatives, I have finally found one that is an excellent fit for me, I have earned this experience with a drug that just feels so right for me. Probably shouldn't use it too much though, don't want to kill the magic.

2C-T-7

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age: 20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 25 mg oral in gel cap

Setting: My apartment

T0:00- Dosed in gel cap.

T0:10- Take a shower.

T0:30- Finish shower. Nothing yet except a slight nauseous feeling.

T0:40- Feeling uplifted and euphoric, like a good psychedelic comeup. I feel sedated too, perhaps not sedated as much as not feeling the expected stimulation.

T1:10- Nausea is very prominent now. I feel pretty uncomfortable. None of the usual chills or jitters or shakiness though. I just feel faded with a blunted affect.

T1:20- The tremors and jitters and shudders and rest of the body load settle in now. I throw up. It sucks but I feel better afterwards. Still some nausea and aching but I feel okay. 

T1:30- Nausea and aching return. But now I feel deeper in its awesome yawning headspace. It is lucid, I can clearly think and meditate, thoughts are rational and connected, almost too perfectly. Visuals begin to appear as swirling and drifting textures at the corners of my vision.

T2:00- I am beginning to definitely peak now. The visuals are large and flashing- they are not overly meticulous and intricate, but rather a harmonious assemblage of larger intertwined and interacting forms and patterns. Not so much nausea anymore as just cramping and aching. Everything feels like its caught in a swirling eddy or twisting whirlwind, everything twists and twirls and rolls as it moves.

The closed eyed visuals are spectacular and dissimilar from other phenethylamines I have taken. They are 3-dimensional forms, looking rendered and produced as CGI. It reminds me of dissociatives. Except I am not able to sink into any sort of dissociative state, no matter how hard I meditate. This does not seem to be a drug that lends itself to ego death or total confusion / break with reality. Rather, it seems to anchor me in reality as an absolutely observant form to efficiently process thoughts and stimuli. Behind my eyelids pyramids and cones and prisms and rhombs cast in dramatic stark light shift around in their respective planes. Soon they find themselves coated in checkerboard patterns, their backdrop a swirling tie dye kaleidoscope of swirling dim yet vibrant colors and textures. Forms that resemble greek columns float in from the wings of my vision.

The open eyed visuals make me recall my first times doing acid. Semi-biomorphic and pariedoilic forms decorate the walls and ceiling like incredibly intricate and detailed relief carvings. They seem to recede into infinite depth, hallways of textures lined with the stoic chiseled faces of birds and reptilian beings. Every time I move my eyes, a line of tracers follows the object of my focus, like that old windows xp glitch when you tried to drag a window that was not responding. The patterns that form an interstice between these forms are serpentine, angular tendrils and ropes entwining to form intricate laceworks. They are floral, they blossom and ripple with concentric lines. I decide to go outside and play around in my garden.

T2:30- This drug has gladly taken the opportunity today to introduce me to its properties. It enhances perception, it enhances associative rationalizing, it enhances mental efficiency and acuity, it is perfect for aiding introspection, while itself providing an exciting substrate to explore, an infinitely nested scaffolding of absurdity and novelty. However, this comes at a price, it comes at the price of one’s body. Indeed, the nausea I had complained about before still came back in waves. This drug is elegant and reserved in how it will receive visitors. I probably would have been having an awful experience were I not experienced in general. With pain comes wisdom.

The visuals are bright, glowing and buzzing with adamantine rainbow auras, they are also eerie, with a thousand pariedoilic faces staring at me everywhere I glance. The CEV world is the same stimmy colorful checkerboard world I described before, and while I canno sink into a dissociated CEV space with my eyes closed, I can get distracted by the silliness and novelty of the drug long enough to lose track of time. The visuals are beginning to look like spirographs and wireframes.

T2:45- Empathogenic effect noted around now. I want to tell my friends how great they are and how much I appreciate them.  I want to tell my friends who like substances about this glorious challenge I have set upon myself. I feel as though the sheer introspective power of this mysterious drug lends it immense therapeutic potential.

T3:00- Still peaking hard. I am back inside now, after collecting several insect specimens. Everything feels so deep and profound, the closest experience I can liken this two is 4-HO-MET. Especially with the lasting bodyload. I am able to draw definite and cryptic connections between all sorts of thoughts and ideas.

T3:30-I meditate for a while. I feel like my mind has gone onto working automatically, and more efficiently. Like replacing the potential for human error with that of an extremely efficient machine. My brain is a computer, processing inputs and responding methodically and meticulously. Thoughts were just branching and blossoming in reaction to one another. Time was a major theme of this meditation, thoughts on my past, on the distant past, thoughts on the distant future and how others experience time. Indeed, time was heavily altered in my state of meditation, I could use the music that was playing as a way to guide this- I would hear it slow down and speed up. My sense of time had become completely arbitrary. I have a headache now. The visuals this time with my eyes closed were intertwining ribbons that embraced and wound around one another. They formed colorful and harmonious patterns, too perfect for this world. My flow of thoughts is lucid, focused, and unclouded. It doesn’t even seem like I have that infectious curiosity that a lot of drugs give me.

T5:00- Still peaking. I make arts and crafts, my stomach still hurts.

T5:30- Cramps subsiding, Coming down now.

T8:00- Back to baseline.

Conclusion: This is the first experience with a 2C-T-x substance, 2 of which (2C-T-2 and 2C-T-7) are highly praised by shulgin (though in my reading it seems people like 2C-T-21 the best). The last one, 2C-T-4, doesn’t get as much positive press. They have all been described as powerful, therapeutic, challenging, and introspective. Indeed they are all rough on the body, featuring nausea and vomiting. Their unique composition gives them unique pharmaceutical interactions, mostly stemming from their activity as a weak MAOI. I had a gap in my medications due to fucking up getting a psychiatrist appointment, so I took the opportunity to sample this one while my blood was pure. Infinitely deep and rewarding compound with a lot to offer, and novel headspace, shame it hurts so much though. Its lessons must come through pain. 

5-MeO-DALT

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age: 20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 75 mg oral in gel cap

Setting: My apartment

T0:00-Dosed

T0:45-Onset- Feel a bit of nausea and a warm rising feeling in my gut

T1:00-There are random spots of warm and cold on my skin, but overall I feel warm and kinda sweaty. There are cloudy and indistinct CEV’s and I have this spacey dizzy feeling like I am on a rocking ship.

T1:15-Smoke weed. It feels as though I am being warmly compressed and that I am drifting away from myself in some abstract dissociating way. The CEV’s slowly becoming more distinct, they are chunky and like gears, with teeth and large blocky projections.

T1:35-A quaking vibration unsettles me from within. Everything feels deeper in every sense. Words, phrases, conversation and abstract stimuli all seem to be more profound, like there is infinite depth and detail that I can peer over. Sensory stimuli feel deeper too. Everything sounds like it is in a great globular echo chamber, with greater reverberation and a richer, more built up ‘depth’ to each sound. Visually things seem deeper too, with spaces appearing larger and objects appearing further away, or rather more detail being apparent across distances. Tracers begin to appear on shadows and I feel somewhat cold.

T2:00- OEV’s begin to present. It is like the room has been filled with a colorful fog, blobbing and bulging and swirling. They are still indistinct, like they are composed similarly to an impressionist painting. I made the mistake of eating popcorn at this time because I figured the experience wouldn’t get any stronger than this. The nausea is coming and going in waves. A definite mental enhancement/artificial confidence is presenting. I feel like I can do anything. Everything feels syrupy.

T2:10- Definitely feel like I am peaking now, it is like a great tidal wave has washed over me and swamped me in its swells.

T2:15- Oh man did I underestimate this. It feels like my body is being smeared and streaked and dragged around. I feel bloated and I am burping a lot. It is as though a waterfall is crashing down on me, or I am in the swells of a flooded rushing river. The drug has picked me up in its great doughy clutches and is thrashing me around. Everything is wobbling and bubbling, the swirling of the world around me is only serving to make me feel sicker. I eventually throw up, I probably would’ve been fine if I hadn’t eaten all that popcorn honestly. I feel so faint and faded like I am fading into my surroundings, molding into them and becoming incorporated into their surfaces which soon become overwhelmed by swells and swirls like a turbulent sea. It is very stimulating too, I am shaking a lot and feelings antsy, like there are ants crawling in my veins. Sounds echo and are resplendent, blossoming like fern fronds, it feels as though the world around me is being taken to pieces, each of which blossoms of its own accord. I am shattered into particles, and each particle turns to goopy syrup and is taken away on this great river.

T2:35- My body feels off, it feels uncomfortable and wrong, as if it is in some place it shouldn’t be, or is existing n some way that it shouldn’t be. My chest feels tight and light simultaneously. My heart is fluttering. I see faces and figures in the corners of my vision. It’s scary to look into reflective surfaces, as strange dark figures appear in them. Mysterious, indistinct, and indescribable auditory hallucinations come in from every direction. I have to urinate frequently. This swirling fog that has become my visuals has turned thick and all encompassing. Everything I see appears distant and like a vast landscape, the whole world is an immeasurable vista expanding out before me. Every aspect of the world around me is twisting like clockwork, intertwining and interlocking, meshing into ambiguous forms. This begins to appear as open eyed visuals-detailed and deep textures overlaid on everything, not really any clear patterns but 3-dimensional visuals. It is as if I am viewing another dimension that has become physically manifest before me in some way I can sense and comprehend. My entire field of vision is flashing various colors (red, blue, teal, green). Everything is blurry. The experience is very hard to describe and focus on, it is like it is purposely trying to elude comprehension. I am suddenly stricken by an intense inability to focus. I try to think about the experience and take notes, but I keep getting pulled away, I keep getting distracted and drawn off without even noticing that I have been led astray. It feels like I am swimming against the current, or trying to dive down with a floatation device attached. This isn’t the intense scatterbrained focus that comes with being stoned or other psychedelics. This is just raw and shallow distraction, I can’t engage with anything or learn anything or effectively do anything. Sometimes, with certain substances, I can harness my distractability to really sink into various tasks and take in a wide range of information. This just feels flat and pallid.

T3:00- I go outside. It is magical, the sky is beautiful and rippling with colors and patterns. The air feels so fresh and pleasant. However, I am still having immense trouble focusing on anything. The nausea has mostly left me at this point.

T3:30- I had to pee, and I peed for a very long time. I’m not sure how I had that much water in me. It was somewhat uncomfortable.

T4:00- Feeling down more. There is just a spaciness and dizziness in my head, like the brink of dissociation. Not the warm burnt afterglow of psychedelics, not the heightened intelligence or better flowing thought, just a blunted feeling.

T7:00- Back to baseline. Go to bed.

Conclusion: 5-MeO-tryptamines are fuckin weird. Ask most people and they’ll tell you that they are not very visual but mentally very deep. This is true, and that’s a very vague description. In my experience, no group of drugs has been able to defy descriptions more than these weird tryptamines, to the point where they are divorced from the rest of the tryptamine family and could be considered a class of drugs of their own. This one in particular filled me with a crushing inability to focus. What a weird drug. I’m not sure if the experience was enjoyable and there was a bit of bodyload. Probably won’t repeat the experience, there isn’t much value to me except as a novelty. 

MDMA

Age: 20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 160 mg oral, 50 mg insufflated

Setting: My apartment

MDMA is a commonly used drug that honestly probably doesn’t warrant a trip report, but just for the sake of completion/the sake of having a point of reference for the other empathogens I may take, here’s a report for it. This was my first time taking MDMA by itself.

T0:00- Dose.  The MDMA is in the form of one large crystal that weighs 160 mg. while it is in a capsule, I decide it would be cooler to just pop the capsule open and just swallow the rock by itself.

T0:40- I feel warmer. Or like, warm, wet, and slightly sweaty. There is a bit of restlessness in my muscles that makes lying still feel uncomfortable. The feeling in my head is like I am focusing my thoughts to the point where they form a great hot nexus in my skull. It is the feeling of pulsing and sinking into my head. It reminds me of the “burnt out” feeling that is left behind after taking psychedelics. It seems to coalesce with a warm buzzing queasiness in the pit of my stomach.

T1:10- That oft mentioned teeth grinding is kicking in. I chew on some gum to alleviate it. I am lying on my bed right now, I can feel my heart beating so fast it feels like it is fluttering. I feel persistently short of breath, and there is a tightness in my chest. This coincides with a feeling of emptiness and weightlessness in my core that is feeding into the heartbeat and shortness of breath. It feels like the room is spinning and I am being tossed about on its waves, the turbulence finding its center at the core of my gut. I am warm and sweaty. This is pretty uncomfortable honestly. I listen to music and it’s really quite nice. My vision is blurry and twitching.

T1:30- I spend some time in my backyard and it is exceedingly pleasant. The sun is nice and the plants are alive and the body load is fading. I feel pretty great about things now. I go back inside to find my roommate cleaning up the house a bit. I help him out and find it wonderful to be in the company of another person. I start talking to him about everything, conversation flows easily. This drug feels like heavily amplified sociality. I begin to detect hints of narcissism in me, but everything feels so good that I can choose to scoff at them and ignore the feeling. I want to talk honestly and openly to my roommate about deep things. I can hear every nuance of emotion in both of our voices. Touching things feels so great, lying on soft surfaces like his bed or on the couches feels like being hugged by pulsing rainbow clouds. This entire interaction is laced with my typical behavior on empathogens, which is apologizing profusely for being so talkative and overly emotionally earnest.

T2:00- I go up to my room to relax for a bit. The visual effects are most prominent now. Everything looks clearer, like there is no motion blur when I move my eyes. The entire world is somehow in higher definition than my 20/20 vision, with crisp stark outlines and well-defined, vibrant and deep colors. I feel as though I have a better sense of depth perception, and like I can pick up on the minutae of every texture, every surface. Shadows are darker, lights are lighter, but the contrast doesn’t make things appear overexposed, rather it makes everything appear more ‘real’ than it really is. There is also a strobing, twitching effect. My entire field of vision would be shaking and vibrating and pulsing, but every now and then it would rapidly twitch, shake, and shudder. Imagine watching a wasp, how as it crawls around on flowers it occasionally rapidly beats its wings. This is what my entire field of vision was doing. I feel so smiley I just want to hug my bed and roll around on soft surfaces. I know I act like a fool when I go on social media and try to digitally communicate with people while on empathogens, but I kindly remind myself not to do that this time, to keep this overwhelming euphoria to myself. I do tell my girlfriend however. I was apprehensive of doing so before because I felt like it might not bode well, but now that I was happily under the influence, all that anxiety lifted and I felt no issue with being open with her. I listen to music and its sounds burrow deep into my ears and dance.

T2:45- My roommate has a date over. We smoke 2 blunts. With most psychedelics and dissociatives, smoking a lot of weed seems to have the effect of kicking the experience back into the peak. This was not so however. I still felt the MDMA in my system, I felt stimulated and warm, I felt friendly and better at making conversation, I felt that restlessness in my limbs and still had that pulsing, burnt feeling in my head. But after smoking, I mostly just felt stoned on top of all that, instead of having those effects be amplified. The empathogenic aspect of it seems to have mostly worn off and certainly wasn’t kicked back up by the cannabis. Honestly this was probably for the best as I was with a stranger.

T3:45-A fter hanging out for a while, I decide to watch a movie with my other roommate. I bump 50 mg before we start. It stung a good bit. However, I didn’t notice much effect from it. The movie was a pretty silly and funny movie, but I didn’t find myself laughing much. Perhaps this is the drained serotonin feeling of coming down, a flattening of emotions and a distinct somberness. I know MDMA has a legendarily debilitating comedown, and I am a bit anxious that I am beginning to take that plunge.

T4:25- The movie ends. My roommate goes to bed and I go upstairs too. I linger around for a while and smoke eventually. Nothing else really happens, I barely feel the MDMA anymore.

T5:20- I decide to walk to my girlfriend’s house. It is around midnight now. The entire walk I feel energized and warm and glowy, but it is still that burnt feeling afterglow. I honestly don’t remember a lot of it. I passed a lot of people but didn’t feel any particular empathogenic connection towards them.

T6:30- I arrive at her house. We snuggle and fall asleep. Cuddling feels incredible. It feels like the MDMA was still clinging on and I could sink into its smoldering remains in the peace of her house. I felt a bit restless in the limbs but dang just embracing someone and lying with them felt so incredibly nice. I had trouble falling asleep. Like it felt like Sisyphean fever dreams that imitated life, or the type of sleep where you don’t feel dreams and don’t feel rested at all and you keep waking up / forgetting you ever fell asleep at all so it just feels like you haven’t gotten any sleep. This was a bit irritating. But I felt fine the next morning.

Conclusion:

Empathogens are alright. I can see immense therapeutic value, but as far as recreation goes, I think they make me too sappy to do well with other people around.

4-HO-MET ++ LSD + 2C-B + O-PCE

*This report dedicated to the loving memory of RT. I have never met someone so mysterious and unique, so full of vitality and joy. Most unique was the sheer and seemingly unconditional kindness you showed me as a near stranger. I have never met someone who seemed to be so enamored with the joys of life and the joy of being alive. Rest in peace and party forever my dear friend.*
Age: 20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 20 mg 4-HO-MET oral in solution, 100 ug LSD sublingual, 25 mg 2C-B Intranasal, 27 mg O-PCE Intranasal

Setting: My apartment

We were hosting another party at my house. I decided my drug of choice this time around would be 4-HO-MET. In my report on it, I go on about the bodyload and intensity of it. I had another experience with this chemical more recently, where similarities to my darling 4-AcO-MET arose. It was a powerful visual experience with incredible emotional depth, with what felt like intense mental enhancement on the comedown. It wasn’t the 4-AcO-MET delusions of grandeur feeling, rather this felt true and real. So I figured it would be a good state to party in. All the rest… well as the night wore on, people were doing a lot of hallucinogens at my house. I decided I would join in the fun. So I just kept stacking, and stacking… and stacking… I think I was trying to impress people. I woke up that afternoon feeling the afterglow of the 3-MeO-PCP I took the night before.

T0:00-Dose the 4-HO-MET and take a shower.

T0:25-Beginning to feel the onset as I step out of the shower. Just a bit of uneasiness in my body and loss of equilibrium. I am feeling lighter, and it feels like a flame is starting to smolder inside of me.

T0:45-The bodyload sets in. It’s not even nausea, but an aching in my gut and in my limbs. It feels like a parasite overstaying its welcome and latching onto my flesh for its own sick game. But whatever, I am having fun, I am in a whimsical garden of my thoughts. I laze around my room and listen to music and smoke weed.

T1:20- I go outside and play in my garden. I am appalled to see swarms of aphids eating my freshly planted herb garden. While upsetting, I must accept that this is simply part of nature, and I hope upon hope that some organism will come and devour them. I remember that I had a clutch of mantis eggs dormant in the fridge- they would be perfect pest control. Now that the weather is nice, I decide to put them out to hatch. The sun is beautiful, it’s such a pleasant day. The air feels like a crystal clear prism through which the sunlight has its splendor and glory amplified. The confidence-boosting empathogenic effects of the 4-HO-MET are beginning to kick in. I feel so happy, the sky and the plants and the air feel so nice, everything is so bright and glorious and everything is great. I am so stoked to have this party, everything will turn out okay. Unfortunately this premonition is a little off base. I spend a while looking very closely at plants and collecting insects. I notice the visual effects are mild enough that they don’t impair this activity at all.

T2:40-The first guest has arrived. We hang out in my room and play videogames. It turns out he has some 4-HO-MET too. He also doses, to be on my level. I am feeling everything so deeply. We go downstairs and hang out with my roommate. He is playing music very loudly and it sounds incredible. The bass is creamy and rich, the high and mid ranges dance and twirl through the air. Socializing feels only slightly awkward but very whimsical. Everything just feels so nice. Visual effects have been adorning the world this entire time, although I have not been paying them much mind.  They are certainly not intrusive by any means, just simply rainbow colors parading around.

T3:40-More people show up. I am socializing with everyone, everything is particularly hilarious. Everything elicits laughs and joy, everything makes me feel good and clever. Perhaps this is a bit towards the delusional end of things, I don’t think I am ever supposed to feel this good about myself or anything. And perhaps to temper the experience a bit, the body load clings desperately and ravenously. Typically, it fades during the peak, but just like the other times I’ve taken 4-HO-MET, it lingers on and on.

T6:20-The party's been going on for a while now. Less people have showed up than other times, I feel disappointed, and I feel upset that people might not be having a good time. Indeed there is a lot of people just kinda sitting around silently. I feel bad that I am wasting these peoples’ time, that I’ve drawn them out to a place where they might not want to be. Typically my room Is packed with people. This time, when I go up there, it is empty, I just lie on the bed and wonder where everyone is. I feel lonely, I feel as though I failed. I guess this is where HO-MET shines, in that I am still grounded enough in reality to feel bad. If it were 4-AcO-MET, I would probably feel some delusional pull to put a positive spin on this situation. I go to my basement where my friend had set up a drug market during the last party. I find a tab of acid just lying on the counter, it must’ve fallen out and been lying there since then. Without hesitation, I eat it. My girlfriend isn’t coming and I feel sad about that too, but she seems to need a relaxing night to herself and I’m glad she isn’t forcing herself into an uncomfortable situation. She would probably advise against me recklessly stacking drugs onto myself. Not that this is her fault or I’m upset with her or anything, she wasn’t feeling to well that night and for the sake of her own wellbeing, a party would not have been a good place for her to be.

T7:15-My friend who I sold 4-AcO-DMT to at the beginning of the party wants to spice it up more. I offer him 2C-B. I mention that if he wants it to hit quickly he can snort it. I advise him against it though, as it is so extremely painful. He eventually decides to take the plunge however. Perhaps I should’ve tried harder to dissuade him. He rails it, and is immediately in immense pain. He’s suffering so much, he’s screaming and shouting and tearing up. He has to blow his nose, he is going on about how it feels like someone has dug a chainsaw into his face, among all variety of colorful ways of describing this suffering. I try to bring him relief however possible. Eventually, I decide that he shall not suffer alone, so I empty out a capsule for myself and suck it down. Perhaps I am better prepared for this as have done this several times before. I spend a minute or two in debilitating pain on the ground, tearing up. Some other friends in the room have just been sitting and observing this spectacle. What must they think of me, first for offering this to someone, and then subjecting myself to it? What must they think of this relatively benign drug upon seeing the suffering it wreaks? I am soon able to get up and walk around. I am having a blast, feeling a grand rising feeling in my core as the colors begin to interplay and the visuals begin to dance. The clearest ones are vivid afterimages in flashing neon turquoise and pink that appear every time I move my eyes. Soon these afterimages begin to take a life of their own, transforming into autonomous patterns that pulse and glimmer through my field of vision. It is not necessarily warping or distortion of what I can see, but rather new images appearing and overlaying everything. The drip comes on and suddenly I am stricken with horrendous nausea. It is truly sickening. I run to the bathroom to throw up. I feel better afterwards. Sounds are spinning and vibrating through the air and displaying themselves as swirling tessellated checkerboard patterns.

T8:00-Someone wants to look at my collection. I pull it out and show them everything I have, I explain them and show them the different families of drug. Eventually, someone comes to the bag of dissociatives. This is where things start going off the rails. My friend who indulged in the 2C-B who seems to have quite the appetite for hallucinogens picks up the bag that says O-PCE and asks about it. I don’t have TOO much left so I say that I am not selling it. He eventually convinces me to supply him with some. I decide I will pour myself out some too, because why not, it’s a party. My judgment was heavily impaired. I mean in the past I’ve just stacked drugs on one another, but this time I really learned. I weighed out 27 mg for myself. I seem to have forgotten how hard I had been rocked by 30 mg before. I normally like to go hard on dissociatives, but during parties where I have to maintain my house and host people, I definitely don’t like to be going THAT hard. Unfortunately, I guess I had it in my head, “~30 mg is a dose” and forgot how hard a dose that was. I didn’t even crush up the crystals, so it stung quite a bit. Eep.

T?????-This is another instance of timestamps simply not being applicable for a period of time. Dissociatives have a funny tendency to do that. I can recall a bunch of what happened, but not the order in which it happened. I will try to piece it together as best as possible.

In my room, one of my friends threw a bag of drugs to another person. It hit something and landed somewhere in the room, and everyone was trying to find it. After a bit of time of futile searching, seriously hampered by the visual distortion I was subject to, I realized how far I was drifting away. I felt like I was trying to dive down into the ocean while wearing a life jacket, it was an intense feeling of floating up, of abandoning all concept of being “grounded”. And so I eventually succumbed to this overwhelming buoyancy. I realized I couldn’t be in my crowded room in this state, it was overwhelming and overstimulating. If I was going to be sucked into dissociative oblivion, I would do it alone, on my own terms. I stepped outside, only to be stricken with the strangest feeling of not actually being ‘outside’. I felt like I had stepped into another room, that the gridded and patterned breathing sky was now a ceiling within my reach. Everything felt so surreal, it was like this long day of tripping had finally broken me into psychosis and that reality was crumbling away before me, a familiar tripping but nonetheless disorienting. I was so dizzy, I forgot how dizzy O-PCE specifically makes me. I can barely stand up. There is one person back there, they are a roommate of one of my best friends, they are alone and playing with a music producing app on their phone. We try to make conversation, but I soon realize I am not up for the task. My short term memory is failing, and the words just bounce off of me as empty phonetics, devoid of any semiotics or meaning.

                I have an ultraviolet light set up back there to attract insects. I see a curious specimen on there- it appears to be an aquatic insect, a water boatman to be more specific. I have no idea what this creature could possibly be doing here, as I live quite far from any body of water. This confuses the hell out of me, and adds to this whole sense of surreality/reality collapsing around me. I capture it and preserve it in alcohol. I realize how dangerous dissociatives can be, as I am just haphazardly spilling isopropyl all over. This could easily have resulted in a fire had I not caught myself and cleaned it all up. I’m glad my mind was together enough for that at least. I sit down in the hallway outside of my room. I am truly reeling away, I was able to complete this one task and now I was being obliterated by a great sinking dissociative storm. I doubt it would’ve been this bad ordinarily, but it was coalescing with the 2C-B that still coursed through my system, creating an unstable and unstoppable maelstrom. I was so scared that it was going to go further and further. Already I felt like I had been entirely derealized, that I was drifting through a fantasy existence, or controlling a character externally like in a videogame. I had to keep my wits sharp and be extremely careful not to incur drastic consequences through careless actions. My sense of cause and effect had been compromised, making this difficult and filing me with anxiety. I ran to my basement, to be alone. This is the peak of the freakiness.

                I am in my basement, completely alone. I can hear the voices of people above. They are faint and muttering and indistinguishable. I can also hear this high pitched rushing noise, like steam blasting through a tiny pipe, it feels like it grows in intensity as time goes on, it delivers upon this stark space an incredible sense of tension. A moaning static lingers in the background, reminding me of my horrific experiences in the dextroverse. The lights seem to be windows to the glowering dry eyes of an infinite sentient sky showering me in concentrated bleakness. The walls are twitching, everything is shuddering and writhing like the dying throes of desiccated maggots. It feels like I am not actually alone. That being around other people distracts me from another presence, a presence that hides in the walls and seeps into my mind, a presence that crawled into my capillaries the moment I snorted that line. It is alone with me, the walls become its bastions of grinning teeth bordered by pallid dry stretched lips. It wants to speak to me, it is always speaking to me, I am just alone enough to hear it now. It tickles my mind and plants horrific images into it, images of it taking possession, images of me losing control entirely, of my body becoming the vessel for its empty dissociated malice, a desire to deconstruct and destroy for its own esoteric cosmic purposes. It would lead me to go upstairs, to lash out, to destroy things and harm others. This was a rushing a malevolent storm of psychosis. I soon realize that unfortunately, I cannot be alone. I return upstairs and the eerie voice carried on the dry air quiets to an indistinct murmur.

                The next 3 hours are an utter jumble. I mostly paced my house going from room to room, staying in each space for a short amount of time before getting uncomfortable and deciding maybe a change of environment would help me. This was like treating a grevious wound with local applications of benzocaine, reapplying every time it wore off. I try to stay grounded in one place, but eventually that uncontrollable buoyancy catches up with me and I must depart. This strategy kept me from falling into a freakout. Indeed, throughout the night I began to have this idea that this would be the “big one”, this would be the time I would lose control and have a total psychotic break. When the sky feels like a cracked ceiling, when the ceiling feels like the sky, when you cannot feel your limbs and it feels like your physical presence is being smeared across the room, it’s pretty easy to imagine something going wrong. Conversation is cloudy, I am slurring my words and I am stricken with a powerful feeling of aphasia, stuttering and stumbling and unable to find the words I want to use. It is like my mind has been turned to goop, and this goop was leaking all over my mind and short circuiting everything. I feel like I am looping, in thoughts and actions, which is a dangerous sign. I feel like I am freaking everyone out, with my slurred and disjointed speech, my inability to maintain conversation, my erratic behavior, and my pacing. One friend tells me my eyes were wide open the entire time. Another tells me that I was apologizing profusely for my actions even though I was behaving normally and nor really acting too different than if I was just drunk or really stoned. I guess it was all in my head. My short term memory was falling away behind me like one of those collapsing bridges they have in videogames. I recall spending several sojourns of time sheltered in my room, drawing to ground myself. Drawing is exceedingly hard. I am trying to draw the room around me, but it’s to no avail, I keep losing focus and losing track of what I was drawing. My field of vision is swirling and shaking, breaking into little bits and drifting off, so I guess its natural that it would be hard to depict that. My room is a sanctuary isolated from the rest of the house, the rest of the world. While encapsulated in the bubble that it presented, I find it hard to imagine that there is anything beyond its door, that there is any wider world than what is before me. I try to remember the past few days, but I took a dissociative within that timespan too. The entire past few days feel like a dream, an absurd fantasy. The derealization I feel has leaked into my memory and retroactively invalidated my experiences. I wonder how this experience will stick in my memory. Every single moment feels like an isolated point in time, with no correlation between what came before or what comes after it. This destroys my sense of causality and compromises my ability to maintain a continuous conversation, maintain continuous actions, or properly understand the concept of consequence.

This dissociative hurricane rages on for 4 hours without relent. It sometimes briefly grants me respite, allowing me to be grounded and anchored, but for most of that time it is raging full force without any sign of slowing. I constantly feel like I am being sucked into the ground, that I have to take shelter from something, although I cannot comprehend or imagine what that something is. People are playing super smash brothers in my living room with all the lights off. I do not know why the lights are off and it is adds to the confusion as I continue to make my laps around the house like those folks I saw constantly pacing the halls in the psychiatric hospital. The paranoia and anxiety tears through me and spins me around leaving me perpetually dizzy and disoriented. I am regretting this so much, I am too far gone to enjoy this party or enjoy the company of others. I feel like I am being taught an important lesson about binging drugs, about how my judgment is affected when I am already on drugs. The fact that it hasn’t let up at all for so long is worrisome however. I begin to fear I may never come down, O-PCE is a relatively new and unexplored substance, what if it’s the one that triggers infinite dissociation? That would suck, I try not to think about that. I find myself at several points trying to explain things to people and still attempting to make conversation. It is somewhat grounding. I cannot for the life of me make conversation. My difficulty finding the correct words to use is a huge impediment. I feel like I am mostly just burdening them with my goopy mind and they are merely humoring me.

T13:00-I am finally coming back down, I am finally somewhat lucid. It’s coming to an end at last. I am still tripping super hard with visuals and strange feelings in my body, but at last the curse is lifting. I linger with my friends in the backyard. The last people left at the party are all people who are very into psychedelics, most of them tripping on all variety of substances, like 2C-B, MDMA, 4-AcO-DMT, 4-HO-MET, 2C-C, and O-PCE. What a cool crowd. We stay up joking about shit until sunrise. It is so blissful to be in their company, the feeling of coming down at last feels like stepping back into civilization after a brutal hike through a swamp. I am myself again, I exist in the world again. I laugh and joke about things that are more off-color than usual, hinting at some sort of suppression of empathy or emotion. Or perhaps the surfacing of narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies, These may stem from diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

T18:00-I am finally back to a relative baseline. I go to bed. It is 10 AM.