Methoxphenidine ++ LSD

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age:20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dose: 150 mg Methoxphenidine (MXP) oral in gel cap, 3 tabs LSD (~140 ug each) sublingual

Setting: My apartment

T0:00-Take 150 mg MXP in gel cap after meeting a friend at the subway station

T0:30-We are having fun and making pictures. I begin to feel the first notes of dissociation, it’s a sort of cold empty sort of feeling of my body chemically fading away, it feels like my insides are freezing to numbness, but it is by no means uncomfortable

T0:45- I am really really feeling it now, things are beginning to feel far away and unreal, it’s the familiar feeling of the world drifting away to a dream space, it has the dissociative quality of all sounds and feelings being contained in a tin can, although it is more metallic feeling than anything I’ve tried.

T1:00-I put on harsh noise because why not. It sounds so cool and so beautiful (not to sound pretentious as hell lol), its something like being dissociated from the negative and painful qualities of the dischord and loud abrasiveness and simply hearing it as a collection of different really cool sounds. It definitely feels harmonious with this substance.

T1:15-I am sinking into the filthy chaotic world of the noise aesthetic. I decide to shift our surroundings to better match that. Me and my friend go to the basement and turn the music on full blast. This is  so perfect, I feel like this is how noise was meant to be experienced, on a ton of dissociatives in a bare dingy dirty claustrophobic space. We draw pictures for the entirety of one of the groups’ albums. I feel like I am drifting further and further with no sign of letting up. I have never dosed this high before and have no idea how much further it will go. After a while I go back upstairs with considerable difficulty. We hang out in my room again.

T2:00-We are back in my room. I am still drifting further and further, it really seems like it will just go on forever. My friend is taking selfies and drawing pictures. I keep forgetting that they’re there, the whole world feels so distant and irrelevant. I keep falling into trance states. I wouldn’t call it a hole necessarily but more of a really focused trance where I get so lost in thought the world seems to fade around me, not nearly as forceful as plunging into a dissociative hole and not fully anesthetic like that either.  My body feels like it is blurring, that it is becoming sharp waves and static, I am still aware of it but it feels like its been cast into the dissociative breeze. I have that familiar feeling of being sprayed in the face with a hose. I sink into long deep trances, communicating is nigh impossible and movement while possible is very very difficult.  

T3:30-My friend picked up weed from my neighbor. He came over with his girlfriend and they smoked with us in my room. I barely remember this. He asked about the experience as he was interested in trying MXP, and I think I choked something out about waves and feeling metallic and distant and how it was weird and cold but good fun. Interaction feels super deliberate, like each little movement I’m making is carefully planned and executed, while at the same time it all feels automatic. I feel like a machine operated by a very efficient computer, but certainly I do not feel human.

T5:00-My friend has to leave now. They wish me goodbye and depart. I don’t really recall this at all, in my mind they were just sorta there one moment and gone the next. Weird. My roommate who did not smoke decided to start smoking again. After relaxing for a while I decide its time to bring him back into the game. I am down enough to be mostly functional at this point, still pretty spacy and still in a distant dissociative fog, but I have passable motor skills and communication abilities. I take 3 tabs of LSD while I pack a bowl for the two of us. This is gonna be a wild ride. We smoke and talk about stuff. I am starting to come up. We decide to watch an anime movie.

T5:50-We go downstairs, we pack another bowl and turn the movie on. The acid is coming on with a powerful rush now, I’ve never felt it like this before. It is the same feeling as the MXP before, where I really can’t tell how far it is going to go or where it will stop. I am ridiculously stoned, as in unable to move. I am dazed and stare catatonically at the screen. Animation is spectacular while on acid. Everyone should watch a handmade animated movie while tripping. I can see each frame as they okay, how things were hand painted and animated, its spectacular and I have never appreciated all the work that goes into animation as hard as I did here. At points the trip gets so intense I have to close my eyes.

T6:30-Really creepy. We hear heavy footsteps upstairs. We are the only two home. My paranoia kicks into overdrive, I am legitimately terrified a burglar or some supernatural being broke in. My roommate takes the reins and arms himself and does a check of the entire house. It was nothing. Upon standing up the entire world gets blasted apart by checker patterns and concentric swirls. I don’t think I’ve tripped this hard from acid before. I need to sit down. The movie is kinda dark and eerie and I realize im entering uncharted territory on acid. I begin to worry that this imagery and the essence of this film will leak into me and taint my brain with fear and darkness. But the animation is so cool looking that I am able to bury that feeling and immerse myself in the film. It is truly a multimedia experience, I can project myself on any of the characters and really feel the film and be a part of it. If I zone out it feels like my whole existence becomes what is on the screen.

T7:20-the movie ends. I get up and wander around the house, I feel dazed and am still tripping really hard in all sorts of ways. I can still feel the MXP in numbness and disorientation and dizziness and the acid is still going strong. I am in such a daze that I really cannot talk to anyone. My voice sounds awkward as hell and I feel awkward as hell. I go in the backyard and lie on the concrete for like 20 minutes staring at the sky and thinking. My best friend/other roommate had a concert tonight and I missed it to stay home and do drugs. I realize this now, that the drugs are really becoming a problem and I feel really guilty. I feel like my roommates are judging me for this, that I have committed a grave wrong. I eventually talk to them and work my way back into having social capabilities and it feels resolved and forgiven.

T8:30-a close friend comes over. At this point I am exuberantly social. I feel amped up, the substances feel like they have both settled and coaleseced in my veins, giving me an energetic confident and euphoric comedown. I wanna go to a party or something. We end up meeting up with some more people. It’s a long social night and I am up until 5 hanging out with people, but in terms of being on substance nothing more of note happens. When I go outside I feel springy and lightweight and still spacy and distant but in a comfortable way. I am not really fully back to baseline until about T15:00

MXM

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

(This is written out of chronological order because a few days ago I just discovered I actually took live notes on this one. Should be between 4-HO-MiPT and Allylescaline)

Age:20

Weight-130 lbs

Dosage: 70 mg sublingual

Setting: My apartment

Set: Heartbroken and depressed as hell and feeling reckless for no real reason, it was the first day of school and I just had this capsule and I wanted to dis out that night because I had a late class the next day.

T0:00 capsule taken

T0:15 starting to feel lightheaded, dizzy, numb

T0:20 Beginning to pick up, feel a sorta warmth like with DXM

T0:25-Suddenly hit with a sort of dissociative rush, can really feel myself drawing away from my body almost as if my essence is slowly being tugged from it, my movements get that automatic wobbly feeling that is so familiar with dissociatives.

T0:45-I am seeing the letters on my screen in double vision, I have to keep one eye closed to read them. It is like my vision shifts between 6 angles forming a cube around me, for example if I look down on my hands from an angle my view will instead look like I am hovering directly above my hands, and I do not feel the connection between myself and them, its as if I am commanding these foreign objects to type with my mind

T0:50 (I stopped keeping time for a while here)-I feel weightless, I feel like I am floating around my room. Closed eye visuals are astral and spectacular, with scenes of floating through stars or other beautiful spaces. The CEV’s are cartoony and oversaturated in appearance, and not really patterned as much as they are an intricate assortment of random shapes. All of the letters on the screen appear to be at different depths. Moving around the room begins to feel so automatic that it feels like some invisible force is pulling me around on a rope. My computer looks tiny and the open eyed visuals shift to the appearance of some sort of grey wind blowing around me, it is a feeling I get from dissociatives where it feels like I am being blasted in the face with a hose. I get an eerie feeling of another presence in the room that usually only comes from DXM… I feel like dancing, and dance around my room. The only thoughts I can even remotely piece together are along the lines of “Holy shit this is stronger than I expected and its not letting up!” and “Wow its wild I just threw some powder in my mouth and now look where I am” I am lying on my floor looking at the ceiling, watching the forms of my room bubble up and flow around me, the ceiling looking like a swirling river, just thinking “wow I’m so fucked up this feels like a dream”

I feel like I am made of clay, I am very weightless but lack muscle control and my limbs are subject to gravity. I feel soft and squishy. I feel like I am being washed over by waves that smooth out and dissolve my form. It is like a current is flowing around me, dragging me around, as the trip becomes more and more intense it is like I am being pulled out to sea and sinking under, I have to remind myself to breathe (I am definitely still breathing autonomically but it feels like I have to do it consciously), and this only increases the feeling. If I close my eyes it literally just feels like I’m swimming with cold currents streaming around me, its wonderful. This feels a lot like MXE, it feels like a total adventure, but it also feels a lot flatter and heavier, lacking the lightness and giddiness and euphoria of MXE, and just being a wild ride. I feel like I was pretty in a hole at many points. Perhaps the most prominent was when I began to sort through my memories of a recent vacation to Italy with my parents a week before. I relived all the memories in vivid detail that could only be read and told through feeling and essence, not simply rebuilt from the aesthetic phenomena I experienced. It was the same thoughts and emotions I felt while I was there, but it felt so 3^rd person, it was like I was in a theater watching a 1^st person film not made from sound or image but from feeling, the amount of light, the weather of the day, my parents moods, my own moods, the color of the sky, the way the air smelled how it looked, or the way the oppressive sun beat down on so many stark ancient things, my heart rate and the people I thought about and the books I read and a multimedia memory experience (or maybe play told through my point of view would be more appropriate?) I began to notice I was coming down when I could not only easily shift out of these strange transfers to memories or subconscious worlds, but was also unable to return to them.

T3:00-I am down enough to sort of function now. I want to interact with some form of media. I go downstairs and try to put on planet earth. This is absurdly difficult. I keep forgetting what I’m doing mid task, I cannot find any of the cords I need to plug in in the big tangle of cords, I still need to keep one eye closed to see and everything looks and feels much farther away than it actually is. After a really dizzying struggle I finally manage to get it to work. I lie trying to watch it but keep spacing out and closing my eyes and falling into a lighter spacier and less coherent CEV space, the narrations in the documentary don’t make sense to me at all but the visuals are pretty amazing and fascinating.

T4:00-I realize its 4 AM and I need to go to bed. I am still pretty dissociated, with a very wobbly unbalanced walk and a great deal of spaciness and some amnesia. Still light patterned visuals on the walls. I lie in bed for about half an hour before I think I fall asleep, although the now ethereal and foggy and amnesiac CEV space is so dreamlike I honestly can’t tell when I was really asleep. 

Epilogue: The next morning I woke up still feeling very dissociated after ~7 hours of sleep. My motor skills are still pretty compromised and I almost fall down the stairs going to class the next day. I feel euphoric and spacey, colors look brighter. This doesn’t wear off until I’ve been awake for about 6 hours.

Conclusion: MXM is an ample substitute for MXE in my opinion. It has slightly shorter duration and the experience itself lacks the inherent euphoria and giddiness, but has that same sense of whimsy, adventure, and motion, and is substantially powerful. To note however: About a month later after the MXE ban my dealer and I both went back to our doses of MXM and found them to be a degree less potent than before.

2C-B + MXE

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

CW: Deperssion

Age:20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dose: 20 mg of 2C-B Intranasal, 50 mg of MXE Intranasal

Setting: My bedroom

Set: I was pretty deep in depression and feeling wild and confused… teen angst failed relationship bullshit so petty but so upsetting etc etc etc  I get impulsive w/ drugs when I’m depressed, I got home and just wanted to do something, something, my usual was dex but I felt a bit nauseous already and didn’t want to deal with that. I usually plan out my trips in advance but this time I just wanted to go for something. I remember a friend telling me 2C-B and MXE went together really well, so I decided to go for that one. They were both very fun and euphoric drugs for me so I figured mixing them would cheer me up.

T0:00-MXE insufflated

T0:40-stumble around house a bit, begin to feel the MXE really coming on so decide it’s time to dose the 2C-B. Being on a dissociative with anesthetic properties, the pain from insufflating 2C-B is substaintally more manageable.

T0:50-Really feeling them coalesce, the world feels like its shifting out of its frame into a more colorful one. Feel nauseous as hell and go to the bathroom. Ends up being ok, but already can hear all the sounds around me reverberate and recede, like they’re all coming from the other end of a tunnel.

T1:00-Every surface looks like its covered in colorful graffiti, scribbly handstyles and big cool looking pieces. This is cool as hell, I feel so full of energy. I close my eyes and sink into incredibly colorful and spectacular CEV’s, the only description could be glorious and divine, like a blast of sun coming through stained glass, like a rainbow reflected on polished gold or the grace of the sky, it was immense geometric shapes and structures, humbling in their size, I felt like a miniscule speck flitting among these expressions of pure beauty and grace, this was great.

T1:20-I felt like I was struck with a bolt of energy, I arched my back I ran in place I just wanted to and could do anything I was so euphoric I was so spectacularly explosive with energy. I felt the fire of life, it was the same feeling a super high dose of acid gave me- I just had so much life in me I was a miraculous being made of self replicating molecules, and the innate duty to exist was born from that. Survival was the most important thing one could do, in the face of entropy that crushes all. Etc. etc I wanted to run and scream. I went downstairs. The stairs turned into colorful rectangles splitting in every direction. I clung to the rail and rain down as fast as I could. I see my roommate and shout something silly and incoherent to him and then run into the backyard. I feel like an animal I run and jump and go wild back there.

T1:50-I need to turn up the ritualistic ridiculousness of this. I put on the freaky mask I made and wrap myself shirtless in a soft blanket. I run outside after shoutin something freaky to my roommate again. I ask him if he wants to watch me go wild or something. I get to the backyard and blast music and shake and writhe and dance in the most absolutely absurd way possible, I had absolutely no qualms with being ridiculous I was alive and that was all that mattered, we had a conversation that I vaguely remember, I said personal stuff to him I think and likewise, I remember curling on the ground and shouting “I wanna die dude” a lot, and bemoaning the fact that I can’t always feel this way. I feel like I’m in my own little sanctuary, that none of the world exists around me.

T2:20-We go back inside. I curl up on the couch in my mask. Weeeee I am still shaking like wild, I still see graffiti everywhere along with other stripey patterns. My mom texts me, completely out of the blue, with “what are you doing?”. I am going back home to see them tomorrow but its 11 PM and this has no context, which realllly freaks me out. I start getting super paranoid. Was I shouting in the backyard? Was she somewhere within earshot, spying on me? (this isn’t beyond her which is what really gave this some credence, she’s done things similar before). I just don’t reply and decide Ill just respond when I’m down but im still pretty freaked out. I still just have so much pent up energy. I want to scream so badly. I ask my roommates if I can scream. I scream at the top of my lungs, throat shredding screams. First I do this in the hallway upstairs, but decide that isn’t good. I run to the basement, lie on the ground mask and all, and just let loose with shrieks, screams of life or anguish or something. I realized later how obnoxious this must’ve been.

T2:50-I go back to my room and ride out the spectacular visuals for longer. More of the same rainbow stuff, defies description, no words can give credit to their beauty and the beauty of being lost in them. It was an experience that warrants a lot of words but it’d honestly just get tedious to describe them/I don’t recall them very much. I lied here with this for awhile.

T3:30-I go back downstairs. I am starting to come down from the 2C-B at least. Still feel numb and spacey from the MXE. Sit downstairs and watch half of American Psycho with my roommate.

T6:00-Mostly down, only with afterglow now.

5-MeO-MiPT

Age:20

Weight-120 lbs

Dose: 20 mg

ROA: oral (in a gel cap)

Set: We’re hosting a party later today, I’m excited but also pretty anxious. I woke up kinda early and have a whole day to kill beforehand. Also on a bit of glow from 3-MeO-PCP the previous night.

T0:00- 10 mg taken in a gel cap

T1:00- Starting to feel first effects, a sort of numbing electric stimulation through my limbs, reminiscent of LSD or phenethylamines. Colors look brighter. First alerts seem mild and I do have a good amount of time to kill so I decide to take another 10 mg.

T1:45- It still feels pretty mild, but there is a definite sense of ascending, coming up and rising. Getting jittery with a great deal of physical stimulation.

T2:00- The numbing electric stimulation begins to transition into a sort of dissociation. Lots of body tremors, with bodyload in the form of an odd buzzing queasiness. Not really any visuals except some warping/swirling if I really focus, along with brighter colors. No patterning of any sort.

T2:10- The uncomfortable stimulation has mostly faded and the dissociation has taken over and swept me with a great calm. My body feels so good, and tactile sensations begin to ramp up. Touching things feels fantastic, especially rough surfaces, it’s like my skin can sense every minute feature of every surface, and each little node of stimulus pulses through my body.

 T2:20- I am getting spontaneous tactile sensations that feel like I am gently being brushed by a light cloth or big brush with very fine bristles. It feels like there is a gentle breeze blowing on me from all around. The best way I could describe these sensations is “fluttery”.

T3:00- Visuals begin to pick up, completely against my expectations. They are similar to the tactile sensations in that they flash in and out, fleeting and fluttering. They are vivid amorphous blobs of color, not arranged in any particular pattern and not corresponding in any way to my normal visual stimuli. Eventually faint thick tendrils begin to seep in as the dominant visual, subtly turning the world into a gummy tangle. Otherwise, it seems like I’m looking through glasses that make the world clearer-perspective is a bit distorted but everything appears in high definition and is rippling. I feel very stimulated and restless, which along with chills lends to some slight discomfort.

T4:00- It feels like my mind has just been soaking in a big cold damp psychedelic blanket. I cannot really form coherent thoughts or articulate things. It is different than the usual mental acuity that comes with psychedelics, it’s as though my mind is in such a different void of a place that trying to reconcile that with my stimuli and memories is pointless. I have an alien mind in a familiar world, and the dissonance just creates static. I decide that I’m still not deep enough, and decide to take 2 huge hits from my gravity bong.

T4:30- I underestimated this chemical heavily… The visuals were and still are pretty light and I took that to correlate directly with the cognitive aspect. What followed is still somewhat inexplicable. It felt like a dissociative, but crawling with alien life. With my eyes closed, the ‘visuals’ were ethereal and vague and honestly couldn’t be considered visuals but some strange synesthetic aesthetic experience wired directly into my brain, no stimuli or even hallucinated stimuli, just pure void and essence. My body would just fade when I closed my eyes, no pleasurable tactile sensations, just total absence. It felt like my mind was forming a gravity well and sinking into existence. Any attempts at using some internal narration failed, it was as if my ability to use words had just died. I rode this out for about an hour and then went outside to listen to music and enjoy the sky. There were those same swirly tendril patterns in the sky and more flashes of color, some of them corresponding to the forms of the patterns. The tactile sensations had more or less faded. Music was fascinating, it was like the feeling I get from listening to music stoned where I can pick out every sound and every layer of carefully placed instruments and voices, but amplified tenfold, I could intensify my focus on certain elements of the soundscape and isolate them in my mind.

T6:00-I was mostly down by now, unlike the usual comedown from psychedelics where I feel especially social and have increased mental acuity, I mostly just felt drained and eroded. One thing to note during the comedown was INTENSE muscular discomfort, just a great deal of aching and restless leg syndrome and that feeling of never being comfortable.

T7:00-back to baseline I think.

Conclusion: This would be my first foray into the 5-MeO-Tryptamines and I would later come to understand them as their own class of drug entirely. They are incomparable to other psychedelics for several reasons- The first is a lack of sensory stimulation and distortions until higher doses are reached, and even then the effects are subtle and odd. They do not follow the patterns or harmonies of traditional psychedelic visual effects- rather they are vague, disconnected, and extremely abstract. The headspace is unlike anything else, it’s a blank neutrality and a sense of suppression of the normal channels of psychedelic thought. It’s not entirely as though these chains of thought have been rendered blank, but rather they have been rerouted into esoteric territory that defies proper comprehension- it’s a profound alteration that leaves the mind unsure of how to react. The physical effects of this drug in particular feature a great deal of stimulation and hallucinated tactile sensations, moreso than any other psychedelic I’ve taken. I’m not entirely sure what utilitarian value I could apply to this substance personally, it’s just so odd. The leg pain on the comedown was interesting too.

DXM + 4-HO-MiPT + LSD + DPH + Hydroxyzine

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

CW: Existential terror

Age:20

Weight-120 lbs

Dosage:

T0:00-30 mg Hydroxyzine oral

T0:30-240 ug LSD sublingual, 25 mg DPH oral, 60 mg DXM oral in syrup

T1:00-20 mg 4-HO-MiPT oral in gel cap, 60 mg DXM oral in syrup, 50 mg DPH oral

T1:30-40 mg DXM oral in syrup

Setting: My bedroom

Set: Had been planning this trip for a few days. I was excited but also very nervous, as I knew how intense and just how utterly utterly strange this experience could be

T0:00-30 mg Hydroxyzine taken, with 3000 mg Gabapentin (anxiolytic and anticonvulsant, I’ve noticed it never really has an effect on the trip itself). Shaking with anticipation.

T0:30-Take the next set of doses. Drink the DXM with some difficulty- I’ve noticed I’ve had trouble consuming it lately, even the smell makes me nauseous. I used to be able to drink it with the same ease I could drink hard alcohol (hesitant but not difficult)

T1:00-First alerts- a sedating slight dissociation with light visuals, a unique combined effect I notice when combining the two substances. They usually come on faster when I combine them. I go for the next dose. The 4-HO-MiPT feels like a nausea bomb the moment I swallow it. This is probably just anxiety and psychological but it makes consuming the next round of DXM intensely difficult. I try sipping it, I try gulping it, it’s all very very difficult. I originally had 100 mg laid out for myself but I am not able to finish sipping it before the next scheduled dose.

T1:30-The effects are beginning to coalesce, noticeable in strengthening visuals, psychedelic patterning that seems to be warping and swirling in synchronicity with the swells of nausea that are washing over me. I manage to toss back the rest of last round’s DXM, and have another 60 mg laid out. I can’t though, I just can’t, I want to try to hold all the substances down as long as I can and I know the remaining DXM would make me puke. I’m already clinging to my trashcan for dear life, facedown, fighting my body with all my might. I can feel the 4-HO-MIPT, often a strong nauseating agent in my stomach, exacerbating everything. I feel so dizzy, the room is spinning and rocking.  

There’s no timeline from here on out. It was like falling asleep, I was just in a different plane with no idea how I got there. I recall brief moments of respite and clarity. I am in immense pain, my guts feel like thei are just rotting off of my bones. My room looks distinctly two dimensional. A lot of strange sounds are coming in, like great beasts slowly drifting across the sky. These sounds float around my room like disembodied voices, although they simply seem to be low sweeps and warps. It looks like my room is rippling or vibrating into pieces.

I’m not sure what happened, but I ended up in a faraway existence. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that my experiences with combining DXM and psychedelics triggers a longing for locations in videogames from my childhood… a little background, when I was little I would have dreams that would feature locations from videogames, but it was usually inaccessible locations or background places. I would go to these places and find the most magical things, I had such a strange attraction and obsession with exploring this unknown and finally exploring these places in my subconscious was absolutely satisfying. Well with these trips, those places were envisioned in my mind, in concept, not literally, that same essence of the mysterious unknown, that same overwhelming urge to explore from my childhood dreams, came back. This time it was a location from Super Mario Galaxy.

This only appeared briefly, these only ever appear as I’m about to plunge deeper. And deeper I plunged. This felt like the absolute rawest and direct communication with subconscious possible. It felt like this was an existence dredged from the very depths of my mind. This was the true grimy primordial slime of my everything, and it was disgusting. It was absolutely unnerving to know that this place was the deepest depths of my mind, it was so… idk it seemed corny it seemed gross it seemed unwieldly and lame, I always figured my deep subconscious would be different, but this bulbous gelatinous realm defied all expectation. I sense hints of it when I’m on psychedelics alone or dissociatives alone, but here it was, the full power of them combined.

It did not appear visually, or really exist in terms of any aesthetic experience. After all, those are human channels of perception that taint the essence of all things they receive, translate existence into human terms. But this was beyond that, this was pure thought, pure essence, something that senses could never comprehend. The realm seemed… gelatinous, its essence was one of being amorphous, where beings of pseudopods and projections would travel and float through the solid aether, indifferent to any concept of gravity. I imagined myself as a being in this world, a pained and uncomfortable and disgusting thing entrenched in this existence. I felt like this was the true reality, after all it was true essence! I had always been in this place, I was pure thought and always dwelled in this realm of pure thought, I knew its rules and its esoteric natural laws, the sober world was just a projection, a convoluted structure built from the foundation of pure thought, the senses providing the building blocks for this great tower of delusion. I was home. It sucked. What a fundamentally unnerving and humiliating place. Worst of all was a sense of the essence of hostility, manifest in beings I would call “the dex police”, In this realm I felt so much shame and guilt, and the realm reacted to that, exacerbated it, sent agents to degrade me. Perhaps my crime was building this projection of a world in which I am now typing this.

Just fundamentally uncomfortable on the deepest subconscious level.

T~3:00-I’m coming back, in the sense that I can now recognize the world around me. I am no longer trapped in the other realm, and although I can dissociate when I close my eyes, I am now too far from that place to truly return. One of my friends pays me a surprise visit, I talk to her and am amazed that I am able to hold a coherent conversation despite the way my body and mind feel. I feel like a slug whose mind is exploding with puzzles.

T3:30-I am pretty out of it, I am very dizzy and have the classic dex walk, I go downstairs to interact with people, everything has a cozy warmth to it, perhaps just in contrast to the bitter cold dextroverse.

T4:30-I drank a bunch of the cough medicine I didn’t drink before and it mostly just has a stoning bodily dissociation effect. I definitely do not go back to any hallucinatory or even hypnagogic states, I am just high as shit in my living room.

T5:30-I mostly feel down now, still a bit wobbly and thoughts all feel very…. Surreal for some reason. I am shaking a great deal, especially at the wrists and ankles.

THE NEXT DAY: I feel high and dissociated all day, I have a lot of shaking and rhythmic twitching of my ankles and wrists. Clonus perhaps?

AFTERWARDS: The next few weeks saw a steeply declining and worsening depression accompanied by continued abuse of DXM by itself. This brings me to a point of near psychosis, where the delusion of this world being a projection of dextroverse me begins to take root. I begin to get really paranoid, that these agents from the dextroverse would manifest in my dreams, or somehow even manage to break into my reality, and take me back to where I belonged. It’s uncomfortable. My DXM experiences become a strange mental dissociation, less physical, and feel hypnagogic with my mind drifting away to half-dream states that I don’t even realize are hallucinations until they break. Lots of odd visions. This wore off as I began doing MXE rather than DXM as my “im sad and want to get fucked up” drug

Very hard to describe, kinda feels like these pictures though

If I could assign visual properties to the dex-beings, they would look like this

Allylescaline

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age:20

Weight: 120 lbs

Dosage: 50 mg oral in gel cap

ROA: oral (in gel cap)

Setting: My apartment, north philly

Set: Had felt very depressed the past few days and been binging on dissociatives. I woke up and felt so low and so depressed so I decided I would make the day more exciting by testing allylescaline.

T0:00-50 mg taken in a gelcap

T0:30-The effects are beginning to be felt.  I was unsure if this would even do anything, but it turns out that it does indeed have effects. I am pleasantly surprised. I get a sort of nausea and tingling numbness typical of phenethylamine comeup.

T1:00-I am overtaken with a tingling and electrifying bodyload, its pretty noticeable and while restless, feels warm and pleasant, like I am buzzing with warmth. I smoke as I always do as I begin to peak on trips, and the first visuals start to appear, which surprises me as this one is apparently not supposed to be visual.  

T1:30-My roommates are watching some show called “Million Dollar Extreme” that relies on a lot of very surreal absurdist humor. I notice the visual effects used in the show strongly resemble the experience of being on dissociatives, especially DXM. I begin to think about that state and it almost feels like I’m replicating it just by thinking about it. Visuals are flashing in red and green, they are boldest when I blink really fast. CEV’s seem like pretty mild swirling and patterning, and OEV’s are faint patterns on the walls, reminiscent of 2C-B. Auditory effects come in the sense of losing all depth, with far away things sounding close by, with some echoing and reverb. Mentally, I am very lucid, it feels like being very stoned, I am pretty spacey and dazed and my mind wanders a lot. However it feels “clearer” and “sharper”, like the fogginess of being stoned is gone. 

T2:30-I have been watching a movie for a while in the dark. The movie is Aguirre, The wrath of god. I’m not really paying attention for most of it, the whole thing is in German with no English subtitles. Its hard for me to tell whats going on, I keep getting distracted. I’m seeing patterns appear in the background of the movie and it looks like its extra high def. The dark room also fosters flashing red and green patterns. I’m still very lucid. There feels like a very slight increase in sociability, less anxious than usual but thats it really. 

T3:30-We go out for food, its my first time walking in a while and it feels positively divine. I feel in tune with my limbs as conceptual and neural entities although physically I feel very numb and floaty all over. Its cool to feel in control of my body like this, like I am piloting a big ghost. There is light but colorful patterning in the sky. It’s been the same sorta geometry the whole time-almond or aureola shaped objects in a matrix of tessellated repeated sharp cornered patterns.

T4:30-I go out to friend’s house. I feel spacey and stony and get lost in thought. The visuals have mostly died down to color enhancement.

T6:00-Back to baseline

4-HO-MiPT

(This one has been published by Erowid!!!!)

Age: 20

Weight: 130 lbs

Dosage: 20 mg oral in gel cap

Setting: My apartment

Set: Was recently busted by parents with drugs for first time in a year, they confiscated a large amount of 4-AcO-MET, feeling really bummed and stressed about that, guilty and afraid

T0:00-20 mg taken in gel cap

T0:17-starting to feel chills, slight nausea

T0:25-So far only feel body load, nausea, general discomfort and cold

T0:53-still just discomfort, it’s building and almost seems as though it’s coming to a crescendo. Jogging in place and doing jumping jacks relieves some of the muscle aches.

T1:03-I decide to take a hot shower to ease the chills and try to calm some of the discomfort in my limbs. In the shower I try to sit down and curl up and do whatever it is I can to ease this unnerving discomfort. The water feels like its clattering on me, my body flatly refusing to take in any of its warmth and life. I sit down and a feeling begins to come over me, like some dark force has begun burning in my stomach and is seeping into my veins. I stare at the wall as the droplets on it begin to flow and drift. They begin to merge and form into vague biomorphic shapes, the drops seeming to be part of some hivemind or collective consciousness. Each drop seems like an ant creeping up and down the shower. As the wall behind them begins to swirl with color my face contorts into a twisted grin. I have such a warm feeling of satisfaction from watching these droplets march down the wall, yet there is such a sinister feeling, as if my perception is at the mercy of nature. I am aware of how cruel nature can be, but there is pleasure in knowing that it is being merciful right now. It is like watching the beauty of a thousand ants slowly dismantle a corpse.

T1:30-I feel very different then when I went into the shower. I am definitely tripping a lot harder. The body load is fading to an agitation, the nausea to a feeling of deep seated poisoning, as if I can feel a burn where the capsule landed in my stomach and that burn is creeping through my extremities.

Sinister and dark and also charming, I feel giddy and giggly despite a physical feeling that is distinctly powerful and harmful. Not overwhelmingly malevolent, just harmful, like a venomous animal with a bad temper.

OEV's have greatly picked up- geometric forms adorn the borders of my vision and mainly flash red and green. Patterns that resemble twisting dragons or serpents adorn white spaces, reminiscent of Aztec designs or Pacific Northwest Indian Art.

It feels like I’m being squashed under an oppressive root tangle of visuals making the poison in my veins glower ever more. A thousand intricate patterns roll past my consciousness in the edges of my vision, intricately patterned wheels, mostly green now.

T2:00-I go outside. Our fucked up shrine to hedonism made out of 40 bottles and a Halloween mask is covered in stag beetles.

I took pictures just to make sure

What the fuck.

The sky is beautiful and swirling and everything feels like swirling dark around me, like the tide is washing in around me as dusk sets in

I can feel the thousand consciousnesses of a thousand insects dance around me, everything feels like bugs this trip. The visuals crawl and creep like a march of ants, the patterns seem to be made of groping segmented legs, the entire world feels like an invisible force swarming around me like a trillion flies. As it gets darker outside I begin to pick up shadow figures in the corner of my vision, more and more of them, some seem to dash around my peripheral while others seem to stop and stare. I decide to go inside now.

T2:30 I have uncomfortable chills and shivers. The intensity of trip comes and goes in waves, best observed through my entire field of vision wobbling and swirling like I am viewing the world through heat waves. This would sometimes fade to relatively normal vision and sometimes crescendo to a big rippling rainbow swirl. I feel giggly and stimulated- it is certainly a fun trip, albeit an uncomfortable one.

Strange sounds around me are triggering a distinctly evil panic feeling, reminiscent of the noises that triggered a panic when I was on mushrooms in here that one time.

I sit on my bed and read obsessively about beetles for like 2 hours.

T4:10 I take a big big hit of weed, one of those hits where I lose track of how big a hit I’m taking and I get demolished like a big smoky wrecking ball has swung through my lungs.

I am above where I was before- CEV's are vivid photoreal images of insects, as if taken from a nature documentary. They dance around and become my existence.

Every light source seems like blistering sunbeams, crackling with crystalline prisms.

There are organic synesthetic visuals of cartoonish landscapes, with beings who interact with waves and sensations of sound. These are not autonomous entities but merely projections, it is like I am watching a cartoon on a screen.

My visual field dissolves into iridescent ripples shooting in four ways from each word on my screen. Soon my entire field of vision is rippling like a puddle, and distant objects extend away, becoming more and more distorted and warped and rippled the more they recede.

Definite auditory effect, like a thousand bells in various tones accompanying each other.

There is no body load to speak of, at times the room seems to shrink and box me in

The fan feels like a thousand moths flying against me. Still the feeling of everything being biomorphic, and particularly reminiscent of insects.

Conclusion: This trip had a very dark and sinister essence the entire time, and just very much reminded me of insects at various points. Something about the trip seemed to creep and crawl. Body load was relentless but was tolerable at points. There was just a lot of energy flowing through me- this stuff would be good for going swimming.